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In the interaction with people, many people expect to be praised and recognized by others, in order to be as popular as possible, they often show a warm and cheerful, tolerant and generous side.
If the people around him have a high evaluation of him, he will feel that he is very capable and respected, if the people around him have a low evaluation of him, he will be sullen, in fact, everyone should look at themselves from an objective point of view, rather than relying on the evaluation of others to live, if you can not correctly understand yourself, then sooner or later you will be trapped in the evaluation system of others.
Repeatedly dwell on other people's words. Imagine, have you ever done something against your heart in order to get the approval of others? Are those things really what you want to do from the bottom of your heart?
Everyone can take charge of their own life, and what you have to do is not to cater to others, but to cater to your own heart.
It is very normal to have emotions, when facing different things, everyone will have different emotions, taking the most basic mood and sorrow as an example, they are like the lowest element, many emotions are derived from these feelings.
Emotions are the subjective feelings of the brain, which not only bring psychological changes to people, but also regulate people's physiological basis.
Truly intelligent people are very good at mobilizing the emotions of those around them, they do not give up their principles in order to cater to those around them, and such people especially dare to disappoint those around them.
Emotions are inherent. In the field of psychology, psychologists have always had different discussions about the nature of emotions, because emotions are too complex, so the concept of emotions has not been agreed upon.
Today's psychologists usually believe that emotions originate from the individual's wishes, it is the intermediary of mental activities, but also a mixed psychological phenomenon, mainly composed of three parts, namely unique subjective experience, external performance and physiological arousal.
Psychologists divide emotions into basic emotions and compound emotions, and then subdivide them into positive emotions and negative emotions. Emotions have a certain degree of adaptability, it is closely related to people's cognition, even if people face the same thing, due to their different cognitive levels, there will be great differences in the emotions produced by everyone.
Psychoanalysis school proposes that the source of emotions and the original family is also inseparable from the relationship, if you maintain a good relationship with your parents in childhood, then in adulthood it is easy for individuals to form positive emotions, but if you often have conflicts with your parents in childhood, it is easy to have negative and negative emotions when you grow up.
In fact, this matter is very easy to explain, long-term living in warmth and love of children, because of more care and care, they are easy to trust and release their goodwill, and those who are often insulted and punished children due to long-term tension, they are difficult to believe in a person wholeheartedly, coupled with violent words and behaviors can have a subtle impact on people, so such children tend to form a violent and extreme personality, after research, many antisocial personality people have experienced similar violence when they are young.
Freud said that the individual avoids contradictions only when the ego and the superego are balanced. Some people have strong endurance, and when they face harm, they do not take the initiative to attack others, but attack themselves inward.
Depressed people are the typical inward attacker, in most cases, people with depression are afraid of others expressing disappointment in them, which is why they always suppress themselves excessively, turning their external aggression to themselves, preferring to hurt themselves rather than hurt others.
Such people will always walk into the labyrinth, and when they feel that the pressure of the world is too great, they will have a nervous breakdown, so that they will be completely crushed.
How can this be changed? If there is a cognitive disorder, then thinking and acting must change one.
Psychologist Iris ABC theory of emotion proposes that human emotions are not formed by a single event, but by the emotional fluctuations formed by the individual's cognition of the event after the event.
If you want to coordinate cognitively, either change your cognitive abilities or make other actions to maintain your previous cognition.
Respect for emotions is also a top priority, negative emotions are not necessarily bad, since the physiological system gave birth to this phenomenon, it must have a corresponding effect on regulating itself.
Build better self-esteem. The necessary self-esteem can make the personality healthy self-regulation, the disappointment of others is actually not important, as long as you are satisfied with yourself, no matter what others say, they will not hurt you.
This is your own life, no one can point fingers at you, even if others are disappointed? As long as you are happy and live a wonderful life, everything is worth it. I don't know how you guys think about it? Let's talk about it.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205