The feeling of inferiority, perhaps everyone has, is just a matter of how much.
But I think most people still want to be an optimistic and confident person.
Psychologist Freud believed that the feeling of inferiority in childhood usually accompanied people throughout their lives.
You may say that childhood is so long, how can I let my child not feel inferiority for more than ten years?
Here, we need to distinguish between "inferiority complex" and "inferiority complex".
Do the same thing, and when others behave better, you may feel inferior.
This belongs to the "feeling of inferiority", just a current emotion.
You can release this emotion by self-digestion, or by working harder.
"Feelings of inferiority" are normal, and a certain sense of inferiority is even beneficial, and it can motivate a person to do better.
However, if this feeling of inferiority is not well handled, the child will avoid encountering unsuccessful experiences, resulting in subconscious withdrawal or avoidance behavior.
This is the "inferiority complex".
When a child has an inferiority complex, his self-confidence will be greatly hit, and he will slowly form an inferior personality.
"Child Emotional Psychology" pointed out that children with inferiority complexes often have the following 4 signs.
Self-esteem is too strong
Strong self-esteem is not a bad thing, it will motivate children to be angry and strong.
But if the child's self-esteem is too strong, it is a manifestation of inferiority.
A teenage girl next door chatted with me, and she said she had a particularly strong personality and wouldn't do anything worse than anyone else.
Whether it is an exam or an activity, as long as she is compared to others, she will be in her arms for a long time.
Moreover, she is particularly concerned about the evaluation of others.
If she hears a bad evaluation, she will definitely theorize with the other party and let others know that she is not like that.
She said that her self-esteem was particularly strong, but what she didn't know was that under that excessive self-esteem, it was actually a sensitive, fragile and inferior heart.
It is precisely because of lack of self-confidence that I will pay special attention to the evaluation of others.
It is precisely because of her inferiority, so as long as she is compared to others, she will be anxious.
Rather than improving her ability, she cares more about the evaluation of the outside world.
When such a child grows up, even if she is very good in the future, she will still have a deep sense of inferiority.
What we have to do to raise such a child is to tell him that everyone has advantages and disadvantages, and it is not necessary to be better than others everywhere.
Others will also have strengths and strengths, and we don't need to be anxious or even jealous.
When playing games with your child, if your child loses, don't make fun of him, and don't deliberately let your child win.
Let the winning side tell a story to the losing side.
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Such a method can make children understand that winning and losing is normal, and not every time you try, you will win over others.
Often say "I don't"
A mommy friend complained to me that his child was too cowering, and he always said "I don't" when he asked him to do something.
The children played together, and others sang and danced in public, but they were generous.
Bao Mom asked her children to try to perform as well, and Wa immediately hid behind her and said, "Don't." ”
Participating in the activity, the host called the child to the stage to interact, and the child quickly hid behind, pulling the mother to go home.
Behind the shyness and timidity of children, it is actually the inferiority of fear of failure.
It is likely that the child has had a frustrated experience and has left a psychological shadow of inferiority and fear.
Therefore, he is afraid of being hit again and is accustomed to rejecting others with "no".
In fact, children usually evaluate themselves according to the evaluation of others (mainly parents).
If parents always belittle or discourage their children, for example, if the children are inferior to who is who, or always criticize the children for not doing well.
Then the child will internalize these words and really feel that he "can't do it" and "can't do it well".
Then, the child will become unconfident and afraid to try anything.
As a parent, whether the child is naturally timid or timid because of the fear of failure and being hit.
What we have to do is to start with small things and cultivate children's self-confidence little by little.
When a child does something, we should not rush to "pick a thorn" and point out his shortcomings.
Instead, take a magnifying glass and find what he's doing well.
Even if he spilled the water on the ground, at least he was careful not to burn himself, right?
Encouragement is to find where the child really does a good job, give affirmation, and let him find hope in disappointment.
And depreciation will only allow children to strengthen their shortcomings in disappointment, so as to become inferior and unable to see their own advantages.
Too much concern about winning or losing
In The Psychology of Child Emotions, the author gives an example:
The mother asked her son to participate in a storytelling contest, and the son said that he did not want to participate.
The mother was particularly surprised, you know, she spent a lot of time and energy to send her children to train eloquence.
It was hard to have a chance to express himself, how could he still retreat?
The mother told the child in a non-negotiable tone that this competition must be participated!
The son cried and said:
"I don't go, I'm afraid I won't get the first prize."
Mom is even more angry, how can I be discouraged before I go, it is really not out!
What the mother does not know is that the reason why the child cares so much about winning or losing is because he only won the second prize in the last competition, but did not get the first prize.
Instead of being happy that her child won the prize, the mother scolded him for not winning the first place.
It is precisely because of this incident that children feel that only the first place is good.
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If you don't get the first place, you are a failure and not loved.
Parents are too concerned about scores and wins and losses, which will make children feel that their parents' love for him is attached to grades and scores.
Only if he meets the additional conditions will the parents love themselves.
With this understanding, the child becomes only concerned with grades and forgets the true meaning of effort.
At the same time, as long as the child loses, he will become particularly inferior.
When we find that children have such a mentality, we must reflect on it, are we too anxious and eager to win?
There is nothing wrong with pushing your child forward, but if we are too eager, it will make the child feel pressured and withdrawn.
We can care about our children's grades, but we must know that no one person will be a "winning general".
So we have to jump out of the score, analyze the child's shortcomings, and improve it in a targeted manner.
Then see the child's progress and affirm in time.
Only in this way will the child treat the competition or the exam with a normal heart.
Only then will we not be inferior and sensitive because of gains and losses.
Social anxiety
When a group of peers are playing, the child is only watching from a distance and is reluctant to join.
Most likely, it is the social anxiety that the child shows because he or she is not socially fit.
Why is this happening?
It has to do with our overprotectiveness.
Because we love the child too much, we will do everything for him.
Because we are too worried about the child, we will never allow him to touch anything that may be a safety hazard.
Over time, children will not be able to develop their own abilities.
When playing with children, seeing other peers so capable and excellent, but they do not know anything, only "drag their legs", children will become sensitive and inferior.
Many children are "instigated" outside and "nested" at home, which is actually such an inferiority complex.
Parents try to let go and trust in their children's abilities.
Let him do what he can and slowly develop self-confidence.
Don't stop your child from trying for fear of breaking a bowl or two, or wasting a little item.
If the child does not know how capable he is, how much is it to lose?