This year is not happy at all, at this moment sitting alone in the hotel, not having the heart to do anything, a good hand of life is hard to play. I hate myself so much, why

This year is not happy at all, at this moment sitting alone in the hotel, not having the heart to do anything, a good hand of life is hard to play. I especially hate myself, why my heart is so soft, why I am so emotional. The nightmare of knowing my first person after I was 18 years old, my ex-husband, has changed dramatically since then. Since I was a child, my grandmother has brought me up with a sharp tip, holding it in my hand for fear of falling off, and holding it in my mouth for fear of melting. All the love was given to me, and since my grandmother's death, no one in the world has loved me and remembered me. This is the beginning of my miserable life. The ex-husband's family had several wives in the previous generation of men. The most capable is my former husband a pot of people, really unlimited mana, the big wife and the little wife actually serve a disabled man without incident, such a family can have a good tutor, so the girls must look at each other's family and parents. Otherwise, the old ones will die early. But at that time, I was blinded by rhetoric, and I got married and had children at a young age. After getting married, I hastily bought a lifelong single for myself, not only pit myself, but also pit my son. Due to family reasons, the son has a shadow in his heart, which leads to the child who is almost 30 years old and still does not find a partner and does not marry. I am sorry for my son, I am not responsible for myself, nor for my son's life. My ex-husband was slightly dissatisfied with me and kicked me, and the most hateful thing was that I was more than 8 months pregnant and he kicked me in the stomach. Apologized again. How good it is now that there are laws to protect weak women. At that time, I could only be beaten, and I, who had never been beaten since I was a child, had been beaten all my life, no matter how good you were to them, even if you took out your heart and let them see it, it would be in vain. From day to day, talk about the next day when you are a person on the street and do not know. alas. The past is hard to look back on. It will not fade with time. Because it hurts too much. It has been engraved in the heart. How can you forget. There have been many things in this half life, and many grievances have been made. I can't say enough. Organize your thoughts and talk slowly