My friend is the vice president of a new third board listed company, who has mixed with senior executives in Evergrande, and this time he returned to his hometown to attend his nephew's wedding, during which his uncle was quite critical of his lack of contact with relatives, and the atmosphere has been very awkward.
When he approached xi dispersed, he counted his uncle down and said before leaving: "To be a relative, first be a friend."
As the saying goes: a happy childhood can cure a lifetime, while an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to heal. I fully understand and sympathize with why he said such twisted things, because he had a childhood that was hard to look back on.
His mother and his first love were unmarried and pregnant, gave birth to his sister, the first love was smuggled into Hong Kong when the ship overturned and buried at the bottom of the sea, his mother had to remarry the manager of the fisheries company, when she first conceived him, divorced the fishery manager, and then married his father.
His father was many years older than his mother, an illiterate old revolutionary, drunk, gambling and often domestic violence. His parents' marriage lasted 8 years and ended, and his mother left their sisters and brothers to marry a Hong Konger in his 70s, who is said to rely on imported medicines and later forced the whole brother to come out.
Soon after his mother remarried, his sister took him back to his uncle. Since then, his father has gambled even more wildly, often gambling and drinking outside for several days without coming home, throwing a few dollars when he goes out to let him solve his own eating problems, and the 8-year-old has to learn to wash and cook to take care of himself.
The winter of the year he was 10 years old, in his memory, was particularly cold. It was a blackout night, he was sitting at the door in a daze, his dad hadn't been home for five days, and the $5 he had been given had long since been spent. He boiled the rest of the rice into a pot of porridge, put some salt and ginger in the pot and fried it and then pounded it into powder, preparing how long this would last.
At this time, a familiar figure appeared in the dark street, it turned out to be his uncle, who had eaten a full meal and came out for a walk with a toothpick in one hand, and when he wanted to get up and greet his uncle, he found that his uncle had turned his head and turned into the alley next to the house as if he had not seen him.
He had always wondered why his closest relatives had avoided him. Since his mother left the house, his uncle had picked up his sister, and he had never taken a step into their house, and his father had never interacted with them, even during the New Year's Holiday. Once, he really wanted his mother, but he didn't know where to look, so he ran to his uncle's house to ask, and the result was that his uncle coldly told him to study hard and not to bother his mother again.
Finally one day, the sister learned her mother's address, and the brothers and sisters sneaked up to meet at the iron gate downstairs of his mother's house, and the mother gave them some money, and then told them not to come to her, she had just given birth to a little brother, needed to take care of him, and if the old man bumped into him would make him unhappy.
In his heart, seeing his mother is a very guilty thing, because his uncle, father and mother have always stressed that he cannot see his mother, especially his uncle, and the words he says are even more ugly, as if his mother's misfortune is caused by him, saying that his mother endured his father's domestic violence for 8 years in order to take care of him, and did not dare to resist, if it were not for him, his mother would have lived a happy life long ago.
Unconsciously, it was late at night, Dad still did not come back, he was lying on the bed very helpless and sad, hiding in the quilt and crying, crying and crying, suddenly found that the mosquito net gave the candle a fire, rushed, almost burned to the top of the bed, quickly got up to put out the fire, tossed it was almost dawn, then his father returned.
The father, who was drunk, flushed, and lost, shouted loudly as soon as he entered the door, picked up the broom indiscriminately, and greeted him vigorously, he did not have time to get dressed, desperately grabbed the door and went out, barefoot disappeared into the cold cold night...
Not long after, his mother married two more men with his brother, and when he was 14 years old, after his father's death, his mother did the ideological work of his biological father and took him back to his biological father's house. Later, his mother married two more men, eight in all.
His biological father was also very cold to him, but he still paid for his college. He graduated from college 10 years ago to become the vice president of a listed company, although the size of the company is average, but this can be regarded as a personal figure in our small county.
His friend was successful in his career, but the shadow of his unfortunate childhood in his heart has always been with him. He never opened his heart to anyone, even if it was a small hair like me who grew up with him, this painful childhood experience was the first time I had heard of it.
He rarely really helps people, even his sister has something to ask him to help, and he is treated with classmates who ask him to borrow money, no matter who it is, he will invite the borrower to eat at a high-end restaurant and give a little money to send things away.
He left an indifferent impression on his relatives and friends, and from the words he said: "To be a relative, first be a friend", you can already know a rough idea. The real meaning of this sentence is that in order to have an association with him, the premise must be an exchange of values, and this exchange includes the so-called "love".
But whether it is family affection or friendship, it is a form of love, they cannot have a priority, let alone an exchange, if there is, it must be beyond the scope of love.
The external world can affect people's hearts, and the external world is also a projection of people's hearts, and the lack of inner love allows him to project a world without love, and this root is the environment without love in childhood.
"A happy childhood can cure a lifetime, and an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to heal" and the cure is love.
