The slowest smile in the world

The most beautiful original essay,

Looking forward to seeing you!

Author: Bi Shumin, a national first-class writer, attending physician of internal medicine, vice chairman of the Beijing Writers Association, has authored twelve volumes of "Bi Shumin's Collected Works", the novel "Red Prescription" and other best-selling books, and has won more than 30 literary awards such as the Zhuang Chongwen Literature Award, the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Hundred Flowers Award, the Contemporary Literature Award, the Chen Bochui Literature Award, the Beijing Literature Award, the Kunlun Literature Award, and the Youth Literature Award.

Invited to a hospital to visit children rescued from the Sichuan earthquake, they have all had their limbs amputated and need physical and psychological assistance.

I said, what gifts should I bring to see the children?

The inviting party said that they did not lack anything and were about to be buried by all kinds of condolences. All you have to do is bring greetings and psychological help.

Of course, these last two things should be brought, but I still insist that I must bring gifts. It's june 1, and it's a holiday the kids've been waiting for for a long time, and I can't meet the kids empty-handed.

Just, what gift is good?

Thoughts. Originally wanted to bring flowers. Now that the day is so hot, the flowers are easy to wither. Children who are physically and mentally injured, watching the colorful petals wither, feel uncomfortable, and may cause continuous misery. People don't know sadness because they are young, and I must be careful. In addition, the bouquets of flowers from the north of The South China Sea are full of flowers, and the pollen is mixed, which is easy to cause allergies, which is not conducive to the recovery of children.

Flowers are rejected.

What about food and nutrition? Remembering the phrase "buried in objects", it is estimated that the protagonist of it must be all kinds of supplements, so I don't want to build a house on the bed.

When the gentleman saw me worried, he came up with the idea and said, "Or, you should send me a few books of your own and sign them for a souvenir."

I said, who do you think you are? I have called to inquire, and one of the children is only 5 years old and has not yet gone to school, which is not difficult for strong people! Although the older children are in middle school, their arms are amputated, and for a while and a half, where will they learn to turn the book with only one hand? The only remaining hand is still injured, which is not to cause people to be tired! Destroy the eyes. Idea.

Sir said, this can not be sent, that can not be sent, what do you do?

I said, if we get smaller now, and keep getting smaller, until we become a little child, what would you most like to do?

Sir said, of course, it is fun to play. Unfortunately, they couldn't play.

I retorted, who says you can't play while lying in bed? Now, I have come up with an idea, let's buy toys!

So my husband and I ran all over the shopping malls in Beijing. Our children have long been adults, and over the years, we have not glanced at the toy market, and now we are like two old naughty children, huddled around the toy counter, pointing and letting people take this and take that, picking and choosing.

Too big a toy, playing in the ward, the doctor will complain. Too complicated toys, children who have lost their hands and feet may not be able to fiddle with them, and they are frustrated. Too much power-hungry toys, their weak bodies can't bear it. Too impersonal toys, and afraid of children have no interest... Alas, it's hard.

We quickly cultivated ourselves into toy experts. Kung Fu does not live up to the painstaking people, the sand panning for gold, and finally found a safe and interesting, personalized and rich toy.

They are animals made of flannel. Touch it, there is a soft feeling of fluff, close to the stable. Thinking of these children, who had been waiting for help under the pressure of the mountains of bricks and cement, must have been extremely cold and hard. This kind of furry texture that does the opposite should be their favorite. I remember seeing an animal experiment before that people gave two surrogate mothers to a little monkey who had lost their mother, one made of plastic and one made of cotton. The rest are the same, with bottles to feed the little monkeys. As a result, the little monkeys gathered around the cotton mother every day, ignoring the hard plastic adoptive mother.

There is a pull lock on the back of the doll, and when opened, there is a battery box and a circuit board. Fortunately, these organs are usually invisible, and they are hidden in the dolls' cute stomachs. The credit for this set of "devices" is to give the plush toys the ability to talk.

You just have to tap the left hand of the dolls to start recording, about 1 minute, and you can record three or four sentences faster. Then there was the siren of Didi, and the recording stopped. After recording the sound, you squeeze the doll's right hand, the mechanism is triggered, and the doll repeats the sound just recorded, like a faithful parrot.

In short, it's a miniature recording device that can record short messages and repeat them when necessary.

This toy makes our old couple feel like a treasure. I said busily, I want this one, I want that one, yes, I want one over there...

The salesman was a talkative girl, and she said, "Are you buying this for your grandson?"

My husband and I looked at each other and smiled and said, yes. It's almost June 1.

The salesman said, hello and good luck, there are many grandchildren.

I said, yeah, yeah. Buy less, can't divide it, will fight.

When I got home, I said to my husband, in a moment I will talk to myself in the room, and you should not make a fuss.

I closed the door and made recordings to the dolls. It was only then that I realized I had a fatal oversight — I didn't know the names of the earthquake amputees. I want to call to ask, and when I look at my watch, it is already late, and the comrade in charge of contact is likely to have rested.

So I decided to record general greetings first, such as: "Hello kitagawa junior high school children!" Welcome to Beijing. Happy Children's Day! ”

If tomorrow I don't have time to ask the children's specific names and surnames and then re-record, that's all there is to it. I'm going to be prepared with both hands.

I held the dolls and kept recording and listening. At first, I had no experience, I talked too much, and before I could finish talking with concern, Didi relentlessly cut off my greeting, only to start again. Unexpectedly, the next time it was overcorrected, it was too short, and there was a blank space in the time, which seemed to be not enthusiastic enough. After some twists and turns, there was probably nothing wrong with the time, and I sadly found that my voice was too old, completely devoid of the joy and liveliness that teenagers loved.

I decided to change my style, try to make my pronunciation cartoonish, and take the route of youth. Not long after, Mr. Li broke through the door and asked in shock: Bi Shumin, you are not uncomfortable, right?

I was startled and annoyed, didn't I say hello to you? Don't be surprised to hear some kind of abnormal movement.

But this is also too amazing, sir said. I've known you for decades and have never heard you speak in that tone.

I ignored him and concentrated on my own work. In the middle of the night, the dubbing was finally completed.

On May 28th, I arrived at the hospital early, which was really good, and everyone had not yet come. I still have a little time to complete my scheduled plans. I wrote the names of the children in my hands in case I was nervous and said the wrong thing. Hide in the hospital conference room, take the dolls out of the carefully bought gift bags, and record them one by one again.

To the black-and-white giant panda doll, I said, "XXX kids! Hello! I am also from Sichuan, and we have been good friends ever since! Happy June Day! ”

"XXX" is the name of this amputee child.

I think calling a person's name has a particularly important significance. It is a stubborn reminder of a being, a strong indication of a kind of independence. Symbolizes a supreme dignity and expresses a fiery expectation. Even for a very young child, the name means that the spiritual consciousness in this world belongs to him. In our ancient tradition, frightened children are repeatedly called by their parents by name to retrieve their souls.

At this moment, I regret that my mouth is too stupid to speak Sichuanese. If children hear the rural sound, they must feel close.

When I walked into the ward and saw these children for the first time, although I had been a military doctor for 8 years, a doctor with a total of 20 years of medical experience, although I had made the greatest possible mental preparation for the coming cruelty, although I kept saying to myself, Bi Shumin, you must not cry, for the well-being of the children, you must remain calm and peaceful. They need to see strength in us adults, see hope, and all the panic is unforgivable... But I was still stunned! I could only desperately mobilize all my spirits and maintain the most basic calm.

For a moment, I felt that the person lying on the hospital bed was not a real child, but some rag doll folded up in white silk. Because only on broken rag dolls have we ever seen such a broken wall.

But they stared at us silently, and that gentle breath proved the tenacious existence of life.

These are angels chewed up by the fierce chewing of the throat of suffering, and broken feathers pieced together by the hand of benevolence.

The dark eyes had seen the darkest abyss.

That weak body like rice paper had once carried the collapse of the earth.

The limb that has been gone forever has endured the grinding of the cone.

How many times does that beating little heart have to bond to be repaired?

……

When I gave them the recording dolls, their eyes flashed. I lifted their little hands and let them shake the mechanism, which was as thin as a broken chopstick. When they heard a loud sound coming from the doll's belly, their lips curled slightly. When the dolls said their names, the children's eyes widened in amazement. When the doll uttered the words of blessing, the children finally smiled quietly and quietly.

At a stone's throw. It was the slowest smile I had ever seen in my life, incomparably fragile, like an emperor penguin's egg hatching for a long time in the ice and snow, and finally protruding from its tiny forehead. Yet this smile is so strong that as soon as it blooms, it is breathtakingly brilliant, carrying an irresistible fragrance.

I hurried out of the room because I could no longer control the tears that were rolling down. Not because of their misery, but because of their strength.

Yang Xia, a researcher at Union Medical College who is responsible for psychotherapy for the children, said the children are constantly recovering. She said: One of the little girls said that it was going to be Children's Day soon, and we children and teenagers wanted to...

At this point, the little girl suddenly changed her mouth and said: We disabled children and teenagers want to...

What a touching change!

From 14:28 on May 12 they were buried in the rubble, tormented in the darkness, broken flesh, witnessing classmates dying in front of their eyes, starvation and cold, amputation, infection, trauma, high fever, bumps ... This endless suffering has paved a path of corpses strewn across the wild flesh and blood! But the little girl walked over with her legsless lower limbs, leaving a string of small transparent footprints. She completed the stage from shock, fear, denial, anger, loneliness, depression to "acceptance of reality", and how fast she walked, like a breeze in the wilderness, at a speed that none of us adults could catch up with.

She will still have many repetitions, many tribulations, but her smile tells us that it will all turn over inch by inch until a new chapter begins.

Forgive me for only providing pictures of me writing a sentence in a guestbook for kids at the hospital. I can't let images of those kids appear, in order to protect their privacy.

I'm going to leave for Sichuan. Go to Mianyang. On June 1, there was a speech at Kitagawa Middle School.

Mr. Mianyang said that Mianyang is a dangerous city. aftershock. barrier lake. If there is a breach, will you be the first or the second to evacuate?

I said, you don't have to worry. All I want to say to you is that if something happens, such as when I die (originally I wanted to use such a solemn word as "sacrifice", and then I thought, a grass dweller, not so noble, or honestly say "death"). Simple and clear?. No matter how tragic the death, this is not my responsibility, and I can't manage so much. Even if it becomes the phrase "it's hard to let you die" in police movies, I am powerless to whip. All I have to tell you is – please be confident that I must be peaceful in the last minutes, because this is what I am willing to do. Because I have tried my best.

Midnight, May 28, 2008