"Sister, I'm going to die, and you're going to be fine later."
15-year-old Matsumatsu sent a message to his sister on QQ, at this time he was suffering from pain due to osteosarcoma where his right calf had been amputated, and the tumor lung metastasis led to respiratory failure.
Mom and Dad stayed with him in Beijing, but there were some things he wanted to tell his sister, who was a sophomore in high school in his hometown, that he knew he was running out of time.
"Can I touch the π when my finger crosses the 3 and 4 on the ruler; can I touch you when my finger touches the city on the map?"
Here was his last message to his sister, and it was October 19, 2020.
Eleven days later, at the hospice center of Peking University Shougang Hospital, the 15-year-old boy, who loved to play games and was 1.8 meters tall, left, donating his cornea and body, parents said, so that he felt that there were traces of his son left in the world.
"Where do people go when they die?" I was so scared. Mother Sun Shuqin remembers that her son asked her several times in the last period of his life, but she could not cry and did not know how to answer.
When she returned to her hometown in Jiangxi after leaving Beijing, Sun Shuqin put on her son's favorite hat and let her husband wear his son's coat, so that she felt that her son had not gone far and was still around.
If their son is not ill, Wu Xifei and Sun Shuqin have a happy family.
"Seven mountains, half water, two fields, half roads and manors", Hengfeng County, Shangrao, Jiangxi is a place with beautiful mountains and rivers, fertile land, humid climate, and convenient transportation to Zhejiang and Shanghai.
(Shangrao, Jiangxi)
Born in a poor rural family, Sun Shuqin, born in 1981, went out to work at the age of 15, while Wu Xifei, born in 1979, also went to neighboring Zhejiang with her hometown to make a living at the age of 18.
Sun Shuqin was 21 years old when she married Wu Xifei, gave birth to a daughter the following year, and a son Song Song 3 years later.
Children were born one after another, they no longer go out, Sun Shuqin was responsible for taking the children, Wu Xifei was a mason, did decoration, and later bought a farm car to pull sand and transport bricks to the construction site, which could earn two or three hundred yuan a day.
Life is not rich, but the two have great expectations for their children, both sent to private schools, a year to spend more than 20,000 tuition, "when we were young, we did not have the opportunity to study, can only work, experience life is difficult, hope that children will not go our old way again." ”
At the beginning of March last year, Matsumatsu accidentally fell, his right calf was swollen, and the swelling subsided after going to the clinic for infusion and anti-inflammatory. But on March 18, there was a lump in the right calf, the injection and infusion could not go down, the lump became larger, and the pants were propped up, although the loose did not feel pain, and the class did not affect, but the couple did not dare to delay any longer.
The doctors at the county hospital felt that the situation was not good as soon as they saw the film, and asked them to quickly take the child to the Jiangxi Provincial Cancer Hospital.
The two rushed to Nanchang with Songsong, but the hospital had to queue for more than ten days for MRI, they could not wait, and rushed to the Affiliated Cancer Hospital of Fudan University in Shanghai, and after examination, they were diagnosed with osteosarcoma of the right lower limb.
For Sun Shuqin and his wife, osteosarcoma is an unfamiliar medical term. Doctors told them that osteosarcoma is the most common malignant primary bone tumor, most common in 11 to 20 years old, this time is a vigorous period of bone growth and development, mainly in the lower limbs, especially around the knee joint. At present, the cause of osteosarcoma is unknown, but it is related to active bone growth, radiation, heredity, viruses and other factors.
While waiting for the results of the puncture biopsy, it was April Fool's Day in 2019, and Sun Shuqin and her husband said that they hoped it was just a joke. For more than ten days, they took their son to seek medical treatment, and their hearts were tormented, and they all lost more than a dozen pounds.
The doctor clearly told them that osteosarcoma is very dangerous, cutting off the fibula is also easy to metastasize, it is best to amputate the limb immediately, "from the current same case, even if the amputation, may not be able to survive more than two years." ”
Although they had been mentally prepared, Sun Shuqin and Wu Xifei still felt that "the sky had collapsed" after listening to it.
On April 3, Song Song began chemotherapy, infusion for 12 hours a day, the side effects of the drug were very large, he cried and cried pain, morphine was useless. There are five beds in a ward, all the same disease, the same teenagers, and the same sad parents.
After the first round of chemotherapy, they returned to their hometown with their son. "It's me who's sick, why are you crying and mourning?" Matsumatsu didn't know how serious the condition was, and thought that as long as the tumor was removed, it would be fine.
Because of the pain in walking legs, Song Song does not want to go out, at home there is nothing to do with the newly bought mobile phone to play games, hair is lost and do not care, as soon as the game is forgotten everything.
Hospital beds were tight, and after five weeks they were put on the hospital bed and returned to Shanghai to continue the second phase of chemotherapy, but Song song could not be reduced due to high blood concentrations and pH, and could only be continuously diluted through "hydration" therapy.
Song Song is the most optimistic child in the ward, and he will also enlighten other patients, saying that there is nothing to be afraid of.
(Pine Pine)
But when doctors said they should amputate, he said he'd rather die than have one leg missing. Sun Shuqin and Wu Xifei also did not want to give up any treatment opportunities, "We always think, what if there is a miracle?" There are so many big hospitals in Beijing, I haven't seen it yet. ”
Family members exchanged treatment information in the ward, some children once treated at Peking University People's Hospital, let Sun Shuqin contact the hospital's attending doctor online, passed on the information of Loose Pine, the doctor replied that he could do tumor resection surgery, try to save his legs.
"In order to save our legs, we went to Beijing and went to the best hospital for treatment!" Sun Shuqin and her husband had the last glimmer of hope.
On May 19, the couple brought Song Song to Beijing.
In order to undergo tumor resection surgery, Matsumatsu first had to undergo three stages of chemotherapy. The good news is that the chemotherapy worked, the tumor was significantly reduced, the tumor site was bulging before, and after the chemotherapy, the skin became wrinkled, like a leaking balloon.
On July 12, Song Song performed an operation at Peking University People's Hospital for more than 7 hours, Sun Shuqin and her husband and daughter sat outside the operating room like needle felts, and other people's relatives were pushed out one by one, and Song Song had not heard from them, so they took turns to look inside the door of the operating room, and their mouths were blistering.
Fortunately, the operation was successful, the loose fibula was cut off, half of the knee joint was replaced, the blood vessels were reconstructed, the nerves were connected, and 2600 ml of blood was transfused during the operation, and the bones cut off by the loose pine were black.
However, at the time of the review in November, nodules were found in the lungs of The Pine and needed to be continued for observation.
Because of the hormone injection, Song Song became white and fat, after a while, he could walk slowly on crutches, he liked to greet nurses, doctors and other patients, "uncle and aunt" always hung on his mouth, everyone liked this boy.
In December, Matsumatsu walked more easily, although still limping, but every day he would walk around the neighborhood, he felt that he was recovering well, and to celebrate, on December 19, he decided to go with his patients to see Tiananmen.
"I was careless, and now I regret it so much that I shouldn't have let him go..." Sun Shuqin said.
(Sun Shuqin and her son)
Song Song went to Beijing for more than half a year, the scope of activities is the hospital and rental housing, he has not seen the capital, in order not to let his parents follow, he made an appointment with his patient Xiao Zheng.
"It was cold, he had to go, I gave him the money for the taxi, he didn't use it." Sun Shuqin was so excited to see Song Song, and she couldn't bear to refuse. He took the subway to Tiananmen Square, walked with his patients all day, the newly replaced joints could not withstand so much exercise, and after the operation, the immunity was low, and he went home with a cold, and the wound on his leg subsequently became infected.
Matsumatsu's condition worsened faster than expected.
Due to the infection of the leg wound caused by the cold, several debridements and suturing have delayed chemotherapy, and what is more unexpected is that in January this year, a sudden new crown pneumonia epidemic disrupted the hospital's diagnosis and treatment order, and Songsong failed chemotherapy for three months.
In April 2020, one year after the onset of the disease of Pine Pine, the nodules in his lungs suddenly enlarged, from 0.4 cm to more than 1 cm, and lung tumor metastasis occurred.
Sun Shuqin and Wu Xifei's mood once again fell to the bottom. Loose leg infection is very serious, from the outside it has rotted, doctors recommend amputation to save life, without amputation can not be chemotherapy, can not control the crazy lung tumor.
It's hard to do the work of tongsongsong, "You can't walk later, I push you wherever you want." Sun Shuqin told her son that Song Song did not speak, but was silent and weeping.
Later, the doctor talked to Matsumatsu once, and he finally agreed to amputation. On April 16, after waking up from surgery, he saw that his right calf was gone, and he cried out with tears in his heart and lungs: "What does it mean to be alive, forget it." ”
He was no longer the optimistic child, not talkative, and had very little to eat.
After the amputation, he wore a prosthesis, took targeted drugs, tried PD-1, but all failed, and the tumor in his lungs progressed worse.
He also tried famitinib, which has a lot of side effects, causing a violent cough and even coughing up blood.
As the disease worsens, loose to rely on chest intubation to exhaust, drain fluid, two ribs on one side of a tube, otherwise you can not breathe, do not inhale oxygen and quickly fall down.
In the early morning of September 18, Matsumatsu had respiratory failure and shock, and was pulled by ambulance to the children's hospital emergency department for rescue, and on September 19, the treatment was relieved, and he was critically ill again that night when he returned home, and he was sent to the emergency room overnight.
(Emergency case of Pine Pine)
"More than half of his lungs are no longer working, and he breathes on one side." Sun Shuqin said. The pain of repeated chest extubation and intubation made Song Song very afraid, Wu Xifei and Sun Shuqin were both distressed, but they were helpless, they all understood that their son's illness had not been saved...
On September 27, the couple took their son to the hospice center of Peking University Shougang Hospital, where Song Song will spend the rest of his life.
The medical staff of the hospice center were also deeply impressed by Song Song, his skin was so white that there was no blood, and during his time when he first arrived, he sat on the bed every day with the edge of the table with his head on the edge of the table, and played games with his hands on his mobile phone.
To the doctor's inquiry, Song Song replied every time: "I am very suffocated." "I'm uncomfortable." "Let me die sooner..."
He became silent, and in addition to playing games, he rarely talked to his mother, and he rejected his father even more.
(Matsumatsu's parents)
"You go out, don't worry about it, don't come when I die!" Once, Song Song yelled at his father, and Wu Xifei silently withdrew from the ward.
Before getting sick, the sister studied well, Song Song was greedy to play, so he was scolded by his father, Wu Xifei came home every time he finished his work, he saw Song Song playing a game and was angry, reprimanding his son for not showing up and wasting time.
Matsumatsu felt that his father was careless and lacked concern for him. He was treated in Beijing for a year and a half, except for a few surgeries, his father came from his hometown, and his mother was usually with him.
But Wu Xifei, like most middle-aged men, carries the burden of the whole family on his shoulders, there are elderly people in the family, he also has to take care of his daughter who is in high school, and most importantly, he has to work to earn money, otherwise where will the medical expenses come from? Wu Xifei covered his face in pain and said that since his son fell ill, the family had spent nearly a million, owed nearly 500,000 to relatives, and could no longer borrow it...
Matsumatsu was getting worse and worse, and in mid-October, he videotaped his sister and said, "Sister, I'm going to die." Both of them cried so hard that they couldn't speak, but Song Song was determined not to let his sister come to Beijing, not wanting her sister to be too uncomfortable.
(Group photo of Matsumatsu and his sister when they were young)
In the last few days of his life, Song Song said to Sun Shuqin: "Mom, you have to be mentally prepared, I don't have much time." ”
"I'll always be with you." Mom couldn't cry.
"You don't want to accompany me, you have to live with your sister." The pine sound is very small, and you need to keep your ears close to hear it.
Wu Xifei hugged his son and asked, "Will you hate me?" Matsumatsu said with the last of his strength, "Mommy and Daddy, thank you." ”
On October 30, the big boy who loved to play games left this world.
On the day Song Song left, his cornea was removed from the eye bank of the Peking University Eye Center, helping two patients, one 9 years old and the other 46 years old, and he let two strangers see the light again.
This is Matsumatsu's wish, he knows that there is little hope of healing, so he wants to give the precious cornea to those who need it more, and he also donates the body, because he does not want to be sad after death, his parents will bring "himself" back to their hometown, and he wants his parents to live well.
(Matsumatsu's donation certificate)
Looking back at Song Song's treatment process, Sun Shuqin and Wu Xifei had hopes, despair, regrets and regrets.
Sun Shuqin couldn't help but think that if he had amputated his leg immediately in Shanghai, if he hadn't gone to Tiananmen Square to play in the winter after the operation, wouldn't his condition have deteriorated so quickly? Could his life have been extended some longer? There is no answer to this question, and there is no way to turn back the clock.
In a residential building near Shougang Hospital, a bedroom of about 10 square meters is where Sun Shuqin and her son Song Song have rented for a year and a half.
There were some loose clothes and daily necessities in the cupboard, and there were loose leggings and crutches used on the balcony.
On November 11, Sun Shuqin and Wu Xifei packed up their things in the house and prepared to return to their hometown. They are ready to send some medical supplies to other patients, say goodbye to the medical staff, and thank them.
(Sun Shuqin and Wu Xifei packing things)
The mother put on the black hat that Matsumatsu had been wearing before his death, the father put on a loose coat, and the mother said that there was still the smell of her son on the clothes, and when she missed her son too much, she held her husband and felt the breath of her son. Imagining that they were still a family together, the son did not go far.
The day before leaving was Matsumatsu's 27th, and at night they burned a paper paste for Matsumatsu's mobile phone, computer and clothes at the intersection.
"After I go back, I will work to earn money to pay off my debts and raise my daughter well." The couple said, "This is also what our son expects of us, don't be too sad, and live well." ”
The patients did not know that Matsumatsu had gone, and on his QQ, a patient continued to send him a message of encouragement, "Ollie give!" "There's nothing wrong with the old iron refueling!"
"Therefore the heavens will send down a great task to the Scythians, and they will first suffer their hearts, strain their bones and bones, starve their bodies, empty their bodies, and do whatever they do; therefore, they will be moved to endure and gain what they cannot." The patient enthusiastically sent Song Song a piece of Mencius's words and selfie, followed by a string of cheers and a string of emotions.
However, Matsumatsu could no longer reply.
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