It's New Year's Day, and it's time to press the old money once a year.
My mother's friend complained in the group, saying that when I saw a dynamic of sunbathing in the circle of friends, I was in a bad mood.
It turned out that what she saw was the sunburned by the children of the sister-in-law's family. The child said that he thanked his grandmother for giving him a large red envelope of 500 yuan, and also accompanied by some words such as blessings for his grandmother.
Originally, she didn't have anything after reading it, but out of curiosity, she found a red envelope from her mother-in-law to her baby, and opened it to see that it was only 300.
She felt sad at the moment. When the old man gave the child a red envelope, he also said that there was as much, and did not let the children dismantle it immediately, but had to go home and open it again.
Originally, Bao Mama felt that the old man could not make money, and it was enough to give the children a meaning, even if she did not give, she had no opinion.
However, the same grandchildren, how can they be treated differently? Even if you only give ten pieces, you can give the same.
Bao Mom complained to her husband, and her husband comforted her, saying that maybe the daughter of the old man who was distressed to marry out usually couldn't help much, so give a little more red envelopes.
Parents hurt their children, and Bao Mom can understand, but she feels that her children are "despised", and she feels sad.
One: What can parents do when it is found that the elderly are biased?
The small red envelope contains a lot of human feelings. If it is handled unfairly, it is inevitable that people will complain. If we usually encounter a situation where the elderly at home have "prejudices" against their children, what should we do?
Euphemistically remind the elderly
The old man is prejudiced, and it may be that there is something in her heart that is not expressed.
For example, my friend, her sister-in-law is married far away, and it is rare to come back. Moreover, because the sister-in-law has no elderly people to take care of the children in the family, she is a full-time mother herself and has no income.
The mother-in-law saw such a situation and felt sorry for her daughter, so she gave her grandson a little more red envelopes and deserved a little more of her own heart.
My friend also expressed understanding, but she felt that this "unfairness" should not be reflected in children. The children talked about the days, talked about the matter of pressing the old money, found that they took it differently, and thought that Grandma did not like herself.
Therefore, when a friend was having a meal, he took the initiative to mention it and sent some hometown specialties to his sister-in-law to relieve her homesickness. In addition, the mother-in-law did not accept the sister-in-law's gifts, and she followed her. However, the child knows about the pressure of old money, and he is sad for a long time, thinking that grandma is not waiting to see him.
When the mother-in-law heard this, she was immediately embarrassed and said that she would not treat all children equally in the future and would not discriminate.
Help your child establish the right concept
There is a clip in "Little Shed" that also talks about the old man treating children differently.
Grandpa had two daughters, one was biological and the other was a stepdaughter. At one point he got a place to study, but both daughters wanted to fight for their children.
Later, after some thought, Grandpa gave the daughter of the pillow man, that is, the stepdaughter.
This incident was later said by the child to slip up, and the biological daughter heard it and was so angry that she took the child and left. The child also cried and cried, saying why Grandpa didn't like him anymore.
When encountering the elderly with prejudice, the child's idea is very simple, he only knows that he is treated differently, and it must be that the elders hate themselves and dislike themselves.
At this time, the child will inevitably have self-doubt in his heart: "Am I not good enough, and the adults do not like me, preferring other children?" ”
At this time, parents have to do counseling work. Of course, don't blindly accuse the elderly of doing something wrong, which will make children have hateful thoughts from an early age.
We can tell the child that maybe the old man has his own grievances, so he has to do so. But no matter what, you are our favorite child, we always believe and love you, do not punish ourselves for the mistakes of others.
When the child hears the affirmation of his parents, his heart is relieved.
Two: How do we deal with prejudiced elders?
● Have a clear conscience
Sometimes the elderly will be estranged from each other, and the degree of love for each child is different. Although we have thoughts in our hearts, as children, we still have to fulfill our obligations.
If the living conditions of the elderly are really not good, we should still help. If the elderly eat and wear without worry, then we should express our hearts as much as we want. If you are not ashamed, you can also be considered to be an example for your children, and your heart will not be so entangled.
● Do not lose family harmony because of the elderly
If you go back to your home and make noise because the old man is not doing things fairly, this is really unwise. Some things can be complained about at home, or discussed with the family, do not lose harmony, otherwise in the end it is yourself who will be hurt.
●I do not compare
As children, accusing the older generation of eccentricity does not actually make much sense. Sometimes the old man's ideas are deeply rooted, or there are obsessions, and you accuse him and he can't listen to them.
Just relax and do what you need to do. If you keep comparing the old man's practices, or comparing yourself with your brothers and sisters, comparing themselves, it will only make you more sad.
Instead of this, it is better not to compare and live yourself.
If the elderly are eccentric, as a child, how will you deal with it? Welcome to discuss it together in the comments section
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】