What changes have you made for your children over the years?

Some netizens asked, "Over the years, what changes have you made for your children?" ”

Coincidentally, this afternoon a netizen was very curious to ask me a series of questions, asking me if I subconsciously did not love my daughter, why can I do it for more than ten years? Knowing that his words and deeds will hurt his daughter, why can't he change it as soon as possible? Or is it because he is not living well, so he subconsciously does not allow his daughter to live happily, so he always wants to pull his daughter into the water? Knowing that he grew up in pain when he was a child, why did he bear to suffer the same sin again? Why did her daughter clearly express her pain many times in the past so many years, and her mother pretended not to see and did not change? Are you willing to change now? Why?

I could feel that he was completely innocent, purely curious. I am also very sincere and patient to reply one by one.

Yes, whoever hurts changes. If it were not for the fact that her daughter suffered from depression and could not be cured for a long time, her life would have been stuck, and she would have suffered day and night to the point of not being able to survive. I think that I will continue to live in the old self mode, confused, confused, and chaotic for the rest of my life. It has always been wrong, and it has been wrong to be reasonable, and it has become more and more skilled.

There are too many such people in life.

Yes, the seventeen-year-old daughter suffered from depression for three years, and it was not cured for a long time, her studies were hopeless, her future was worrying, and she had even reached the critical point of life and death.

This is really not an exaggeration.

Because the daughter has been blackened into a little devil, emotionally out of control, irritable, not going to school, playing games at home, online loans (cheating parents), impulsive consumption, thousands of miles to see male netizens, said to go on the trip...

Obviously, it is a life, but it has become a pass, and every day I am worried about it, afraid that my daughter will do all kinds of things.

Level after level, level after level, and finally I fell at one level. One day I rushed to the highway in front of my daughter, not squinting, seeing death as a homecoming. Later, I fell into a terrible thought for a long time: Do you want to die and end this endless suffering in a desperate way? He even went into the sea with his daughter.

So seeing similar tragedies, it is very empathetic.

My relatives and friends took pity on the pressure and pain of a single mother and persuaded me to send my child to a psychiatric hospital for lifelong recuperation. For the rest of my life, I want to live for myself.

Therefore, it is no exaggeration to say that it was really at the critical juncture of life and death at that time.

But how can it be? Giving up the child, how can I enjoy the stolen happiness and leisure?

There is no way forward, and there is no way back. If it hurts, think about it!

I remember a netizen who said that if her death could awaken her depressed son, she would rather sacrifice her life immediately. But the psychological counselor said that children with mental illness have low life energy, emotional indifference, and they don't even love themselves, let alone the strength to love others. Therefore, the sacrifice of the mother did not have any positive effect.

Hey, since you are not even afraid of death, it is better to calm down and learn to grow and change.

Change your child, change yourself first.

I myself first went to see a few psychological counseling, and then to learn the knowledge of spiritual growth and sound personality, use the power of knowledge to adjust cognition, improve self, stabilize emotions, self-healing, let their inner children get healed and grow, turn themselves into real adults, emotional stability, peace of mind, rational and calm. Become a real mother, gentle and loving, no matter how noisy and willful the child is, keep a heart that loves the child and never give up.

The so-called unconditional love, some netizens think that it is unprincipled coddling and connivance. But in fact, unconditional love means that no matter what the child becomes, how far away from the parents expect it to be, no matter how unproductive, no matter how bad and bad, parents will always maintain a heart that loves their children.

Of course, I know that it is not easy for an unruly child to say that I love you. However, it is really the parents who love the children first, and the children will become more and more obedient. The more unruly the child, the more he needs the love of his parents.

Parents are originals, children are photocopies!

The original is correct, will the copy be wrong?

So how did I change this original?

First, pay attention to mental health.

I never had such an idea before, but I have been learning it, but I am learning the professional knowledge of making a living.

After the change, every day there will be a consciousness to go online to read articles and videos about psychology, to Fan Deng to read books to listen to the mind and family (on the way to and from work and while doing housework), to the library to borrow paper books. In order to ensure high-quality sleep, do not look at your mobile phone for an hour before going to bed, and read paper books.

And carefully reading and thinking, and developing the habit of writing after reading, can help us absorb new knowledge faster, improve ourselves, and grow rapidly.

Knowledge is power, and with the blessing of this power, the heart becomes full of strength, taking oneself and the child as the object of observation, to explore the laws of its mental activity, and to guide it according to the situation. I feel that myself and my daughter are getting healthier and healthier.

Second, attach importance to parent-child relationship.

After the change, realize that all parenting and discipline cannot destroy the parent-child relationship, which is the principle, the bottom line, and the premise.

Good relationships are more important than right and wrong.

My daughter did a lot of wrong things the year before, I put the parent-child relationship as the most important, insisted on unconditional love, while habitually treating and counseling, improve and maintain the child's self-esteem level, and slowly my daughter became self-respecting, self-loving, self-disciplined, and returned to being a little angel.

Third, trace back to the roots and change yourself.

After studying, I realized that parents are originals and children are copies.

Before, a friend once suggested this, but I did not accept it, but I felt blamed and denied.

But after learning, my cognition changed, and my words and deeds changed.

Stop trying to change your child's status quo through nagging, accusations, criticism, control, etc.

It's about committing to changing yourself. If you want your child to become what kind of person, you must first become that kind of person.

In this world, no one person can change anyone.

What changes one's own God and changes others is the nerves.

I have been professionally working as a nerve for decades, and I refuse to be a nerve again for the rest of my life.

Today, a netizen commented: "In the past, when I thought about changing my children, my children became more and more rebellious. When trying to change the husband, the husband is eager to escape, and the relationship between the husband and wife is becoming increasingly estranged. ”

Yes, countless failed experiences have taught us that trying to change others is exhausting and losing both.

Therefore, now I am full of happiness every day, work hard, live happily, live joyfully from the heart, live vigorously, interestingly, have a head, live a beautiful life, live a beam of light, live a beautiful life, is the best education and silent guidance for children.

By forbearance and restraint? One day it will explode in place, and the damage will be even greater! By acting? It's not a movie emperor! Or to rely on the power of knowledge to change their fragile and weak souls.

It is no exaggeration to say that in the predicament, I have gained a more complete life, and the predicament is slowly changing, and there are still a lot of happy good times, and there is still our mother and daughter's share.

So, for the sake of the children, for the sake of yourself, go and change!