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In today's society, the marriage rate is getting lower and lower, and many people are busy working outside, but they ignore their own marriage problems, which also leads to many people marrying late and having children later, and even choosing their own lives.
For rural youth, there are many peers who may go to work in the field, resulting in narrower social circles. And coupled with the comprehensive reasons of personality, education, income and other aspects, the number of rural single sticks has increased.
But if you look closely, you will find a strange phenomenon, a single stick in the countryside, who died in his fifties.
Although in today's social progress, we can completely choose to live alone, and forming a small family is not absolute. But there are signs that those who are single for many years tend to live shorter, why is this?
First, the loneliness caused by living alone
Eat alone, shop alone, sleep alone... This kind of life seems good at first, after all, we can do things at our own pace, without thinking too much about the feelings of others, and no one will be around to point fingers, giving people a free and free experience.
But over time, when the night is quiet, leisurely, or there is no social activity, it is inevitable that a sense of loneliness will arise spontaneously.
Some people may argue that if we can open our hearts and actively engage with people and things outside, we will not let ourselves fall into loneliness. But sometimes, it is often the objective reality that does not allow it.
Especially with the increase in age, we will find that after the age of 30, many friends have entered the family, even if they want to ask someone out to play on the weekend, they may also be with their families, and there is no way to get out.
On the other hand, work is also a very large part of our lives, so it is not easy to find friends to get together and stagger a common leisure time.
So for those singles, because they don't have a partner to accompany them at home, they will feel lonely more likely than others.
Feelings of loneliness are closely related to physical and mental health. This is more common in studies related to the elderly, because for the elderly, they face problems such as leaving their old jobs, losing social networks, not being around their children, and even widowhood, and loneliness creeps in.
In the "China Geriatric Society Tracking Survey Report" released in 2016, up to about 25% of the elderly will report a strong sense of loneliness, mainly manifested as no one and feeling isolated.
And follow-up studies have also found that older adults who reported higher loneliness experienced more subjective pain and tended to be more likely to have physical or mental health problems later on.
Second, emotional needs are not reasonably met
Maslow's hierarchy of needs reflects some of our innate basic needs and growth needs, and is the essence of a person's internal motivation.
And these five needs are often described as the hierarchy of the pyramid, and at the bottom are some basic physiological and material needs, including food.
This can also be observed in life, where do those who do not have enough to eat and wear all day long have the heart to think about more personal growth and achievements.
However, with the increasing abundance of material life today, this need can basically be met by many people.
As a result, many people spend their energy on the highest level of self-realization needs, and they pursue the maximization of self-ability and work achievements.
But at this time, the needs of intermediate levels such as security, belonging, love, and socialization are often ignored.
"Belonging and the need for love" means that we want to build an emotional connection with others, specific actions such as making friends, expanding our social circle, pursuing love, and building a family.
For example, this will be used in team building, by promoting social interaction between colleagues, or holding some team-building activities and gatherings, so that they are more familiar with each other and establish more harmonious interpersonal relationships, so that employees feel that they belong to the group.
In the same way, more generally for us as individuals, as long as we feel that we belong to a small group, it is easier to find a sense of self-recognition, as well as our own social value and existence in this group.
There is a saying that compares each of us to a lonely individual on the planet Earth, that is, even with the company of those around us, it is difficult for us to find the person who fully understands ourselves, so the essence of human beings is lonely.
But it is precisely because we have the need for love and belonging, and can establish a connection with the members of this small group or lovers, friends, and relatives, that we feel the meaning of our own existence more, so that we have a firm belief and a richer pursuit.
It is like a bond between people, so that when we are confused or paused, we can also adhere to this love and responsibility and continue to move forward bravely.
On the contrary, for those singles, in addition to the friends they usually contact, the deepest relationship is their parents.
But after all, there is a certain sense of distance between the lives of their parents and our lives, so their sense of belonging is not so strong, and sometimes they even think about the meaning of their own existence.
Some people may lack a sense of responsibility for the family, so when they encounter confusion or blows in life, they may feel hesitant and overwhelmed, because without a partner, they are completely living for themselves, less of a bond, so there is not so much energy to overcome and overcome the difficulties encountered.
In the same way, they also lack a partner, give themselves more support and advice, and accompany them through the difficulties.
Third, the lack of support for intimate relationships
Intimacy is the emotional and physical closeness experienced by an individual, mainly referring to the relationship between lovers.
On the one hand, partners tend to be about the same age as us, have similar growth and life experiences, so they are often able to better understand our moods and feelings.
On the other hand, a good partner will bring us a lot of emotional value or actual help, which will naturally make life easier and more comfortable.
For example, some people think that the expansion of self-concept can be achieved by establishing intimate relationships, for example, when the people we are close to have certain traits and abilities that we do not have, we will also think that we are part of ourselves, so that we have more confidence to deal with external events.
There is also the view that from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, the essence of marriage is to make the resources of two people more integrated.
In the past, if the society relied on its own strength alone, it was more difficult to gain a foothold, after all, its own resources and capabilities were limited.
So for those single sticks, they lack intimacy from their partners, when there is trouble when no one to talk to, when they feel lonely, no one to accompany, can only rely on their own strength to cope with life, there is no way to get more emotional support and social support, naturally will feel more helpless and difficult.
These negative emotional feelings are not conducive to physical and mental health, so this also reflects why those who are single-handed for a long time tend to have a shorter life span.
However, for those who do not have a partner for the time being, there is no need to be too anxious, as long as we can actively operate, social relations with others, and do not rest on our laurels, then it is not easy to be eaten by loneliness.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.