As the saying goes: single is cool for a while, and being single has always been cool.
Today, the so-called "single" is no longer a rare topic.
According to relevant statistics, the total number of single people in the mainland has already exceeded 200 million.
In other words, almost one in every 7 people is single.
And this is only counted from the dimension of marriage.
If you look at it from the perspective of feelings, I am afraid that this "single index" will be even more amazing.
Because there are some people who are in a marital relationship may not really be separated from their emotional state from "single".
The real sense of "single" is actually not whether there is marriage or no one to accompany, but whether there is "love".
If loneliness is the inevitable ultimate destination of human beings, then love is a magical blessing that makes loneliness incomparably beautiful.
Even if there is only winter left in the world, love will be the warmest fire in winter.
But as magical and beautiful as "love" is, it seems increasingly impossible for many people to talk about today.
After all, when "reality" becomes a tacit understanding, "love" seems to inexplicably become a shameful pretense.
Even if it is mentioned by chance, people have long been accustomed to treating it as a joke, either taking the opportunity to laugh at others or simply self-deprecating.
No wonder people often laugh and say: "Don't talk about feelings, hurt money." ”
And if someone coldly comes up with the word "love" or shows an unconventional affection, it seems that there is immediately a suspicion of sour vinegar, bad attitude, or bad motives.
So people really do as a certain lyric sings: "Bury the unspeakable in the soil, and stand by and watch others try to clear themselves." ”
So what exactly is "love" doing wrong?
Why do more and more people avoid "love" either like a plague or treat it like air?
Why is it that the times are getting more and more progressive, but people are less and less likely to love?
While the reasons for this are complex, some general reasons are still traceable.
01
High survival pressure brings a high degree of demand suppression.
There is no doubt that the impact of survival pressure on "love" can be said to be the first.
According to the basic principle that "the economic base determines the superstructure", only after solving the material problems can man free up his energy to solve many other problems, including ideology.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs further states that human needs are made up of five levels: physiological needs, security needs, belonging and love needs, respect needs, and self-actualization needs. Before each high-level need can arise, the low-level need must be met.
To put it simply, after solving the problem of survival, alleviating anxiety and fear, and having a certain sense of security, people can take care of the need to generate and meet love.
However, in today's era of rapid development, with the improvement of the economic level, people's requirements and standards for "survival" are also rising, coupled with the stimulation of the external environment for inner materialism, people's sense of survival crisis is inevitably greatly aggravated.
Whether it is a house, a car, a child, or a face, it is all overwhelming.
Such a high pressure, people's needs naturally have to "survive" crawling on the ground.
Everyone is busy solving various basic physiological needs such as eating, drinking, and so on, where is there plenty of time and energy to carry out beautiful associations and pursuits of "love" at the third level?
Even if the heart is extremely eager, it is mostly just a desire.
It's like reaching out to pick a star, how can it be reached?
Just as the so-called food and clothing are worry-free, full and warm, only then can we talk about love without distraction.
It's like an upgrade in the game: you don't have to be trapped by life, you have the opportunity to be trapped by love.
02
"Utilitarianism" casts "utilitarian feelings".
In addition to suppressing people's need for "love", the high pressure of survival also induces a terrible sequelae, that is, it is easy to make everything utilitarian.
Whether it is the relationship between people, the motivation of people to do something, or the angle from which people evaluate something, the reason for generating certain feelings, it seems that they have long been inextricably intertwined with money and materialistic expectations.
It seems that everything will only become more fragrant if it smells of copper.
Even if it is "love", it is the feelings between people.
And some experts and scholars are now more dignified about the marriage economy, and their head is the Tao, the way it is told, as if they are reading the golden words or golden rules of the world.
And you have to admit that what he said seems to be the truth. Because his logic and arguments are perfectly correct, correct enough to withstand any scrutiny and criticism.
However, the only thing that is lacking is that the right things do not necessarily point to beauty and happiness.
Even some things are just too correct, often lose the temperature and "popularity" they should have, and become cold and severe.
For example, we know that science is very correct and very factual, but why do we still have to dream, believe, dream, and pursue myths and legends in addition to recognizing and believing in science?
Because the right things, while they can help us understand the facts, they cannot help us to take care of our own hearts.
For example, after everyone invariably becomes utilitarian, although it is true that it may bring many protections or benefits in material terms, at the same time, it is inevitable that psychologically it will become demanding, vigilant and not tolerant enough.
Therefore, in the relationship between people, it is also very difficult to gain and lose, paying too much attention to the results and benefits of this relationship, and striving to obtain a stable return, while ignoring the meaning of the relationship itself.
Some people have arrogantly said on social media that the reason why they are not willing to invest too much effort to maintain any relationship is because they are worried that the relationship may not be long-lasting, and in the end, they will waste their efforts.
At first glance, it seems reasonable, and it doesn't feel right to take a closer look.
What is wasted effort? How about not being in vain?
Don't we get any companionship, any happiness, no benefit in the process of getting along with each other?
In the final analysis, it is too calculating and too greedy.
If you don't fantasize about once and for all, you are trying to lift a thousand pounds in four or two.
As everyone knows, each relationship itself is a rare karmic encounter, a gift of unique value in itself.
Measuring love and feelings with a utilitarian heart, if not in the opposite direction and deviating from the original intention, is mostly far from the results that you really desire.
As the saying goes: planting melons gets melons and beans get beans.
Planting a utilitarian heart, the harvest is naturally only utilitarian feelings.
03
The flowers are becoming more and more attractive to the eye, and the world of flowers and flowers is chaotic.
The well-known writer Mu Xin wrote in his small poem "Once Upon a Time Slow":
The old days became slow, horses, and mail were slow enough to love a man in a lifetime
Today, however, the situation is very different.
Nowadays, the Internet, information, and transportation are all more developed than ever. Each of us seems to be able to face the "whole world" at any moment.
All the good people, the good things, can get in touch with us in a very short time, or come directly to us, if they want to.
From the perspective of love, this means that the opportunities and scope of our choice of lovers have theoretically broken through the geographical limits.
Any person in any corner of the world seems to be full of infinite possibilities for us.
Although we often complain that our circle of life is too small and we know too few people, this does not prevent us from having a romantic expectation and vision of the distant and vast unknown.
The world of flowers and flowers is wonderful and colorful, and "only enough to love one person in a lifetime" is impossible.
In this prosperous and confusing era, there is no shortage of "this mountain is not as high as the other mountain" at any time, tempting us, making us feel that even if we lose someone, there will always be better people in our lives.
So unconsciously, our attitude towards feelings has long become ape-hearted and careless.
We are no longer attached, and it is no longer easy to devote ourselves wholeheartedly.
We also seem to prefer to believe that "the next is better" than to "take pity on the person in front of us."
Even many times, the so-called "flower world" and "better next" are clearly infinitely close to a hypnosis and hallucination.
However, it is impossible to admit that it is an illusion.
Because as long as you don't admit it, anything is possible.
So a restless heart continues to stir in a colorful world.
04
Since ancient times, no one has tried the truth, and there are routines that have lost people's hearts.
Probably because I saw more nonsensical "love", so I always laughed and said: since ancient times, the true feelings cannot be retained, only the routine wins the hearts of the people.
Is this really the case?
Not really.
The truth is: although the "routine" is good, it must not be "greedy".
What is a "routine"?
In layman's terms, it is a habitual trick.
Why do people like "routines"?
Because of the immediate results, convenient, ready-made, fast results.
This is the same as the utilitarian motive mentioned earlier.
Even from a certain point of view, the so-called "routine" can also be described as another form of "utilitarianism", that is, the pursuit of maximizing time efficiency and trying to achieve the desired results in a short period of time.
Embodied in love, it is to "pick" an object as quickly as possible.
At its core, it lies in the "application of methods".
For example, sweet talk, sugar-coated shells and the like are usually tried and tested.
As for whether it is "walking the heart" and "using emotions" for a few points, it is another matter.
There is even no shortage of people who "pluck" and "pry" when they can move, and "pry" do not immediately run away and find others.
And it is also called: "Do not hang on a tree".
Of course, this may not be a right or wrong.
After all, life is short, who doesn't want to feel the taste of love in a limited life?
Even if this "love" is just a dragonfly, or it is simply suspicious.
After all, everyone's requirements and feelings for the quality of feelings are also different.
The so-called radish greens have their own love.
The so-called honey of Ru, the arsenic of the other.
There is only one thing you need to know in your own heart: what kind of feelings you pursue, you must be prepared to accept the pros and cons of which feelings.
If you prefer a "routine", you have to accept that it lacks the possibility of sincerity.
If you pursue efficiency, don't worry too much about whether it is reliable and robust.
In short, you can't enjoy the instant satisfaction of "fast food" while complaining bitterly about its lack of nutrition.
You must know that although the "love" from this routine seems to be perfect, in fact, it often lacks the most finishing touch in love, that is, "walking the heart".
Love without heart is like a beautiful Barbie who lacks a "soul", no matter how skillful and exquisite, it is not enough to bring people true happiness and comfort after all.
05
Success is also in the "net", and defeat is also in the "net".
As mentioned earlier, the highly developed Internet has helped us break through the limitations of geography and make our mate selection range full of infinite possibilities.
But at the same time, the drawbacks of Internet derivation are equally obvious.
On the one hand, while helping us pass the boring time and dissolve the sense of loneliness, the Internet also invisibly indulges our inertia in interpersonal communication.
But with a smartphone, we can play until the end of the world.
With the flick of a finger, the world is before our eyes.
In this way, we naturally don't bother to go out of the door to really know and understand a person, let alone to find a favorite opposite sex and try to establish an intimate relationship with him.
On the other hand, the negative love stories that are full of online news also subtly affect people's enthusiasm for falling in love.
As the saying goes: good things don't go out, bad things spread far and wide.
In love news, bad news naturally occupies more space and has a higher rate of appearances.
Seeing all kinds of gossip and gossip flying all over the sky, watching all kinds of men and women "tearing" and all kinds of intimidation, many people can't help but have a bad impression of the so-called "love", and even be full of vigilance and fear about love.
It can be seen that each of the so-called "no love" reasons is already "powerful" enough, not to mention that these reasons do not exist alone in many cases, but play a role at the same time, and their deterrent power can naturally be imagined.
The word love may sound very light, but when it goes deeper, it is too heavy.
Many times love is so far away from us, but it may not be because worldly reasons are so difficult to shake, but because we are all too "smart".
Just like in a well-designed game competition, everyone is smart and vigilant to hold up the "gun" in their hands, no one will let down the "weapon" first, no one wants to be the first person in this shura field to stop.
Too clever, so too much calculation.
Too much calculation, and forget that people feel happy in life are often the most "silly" moments.
Just like Guo Jingjing, the diving queen, she will also be like a simple and cute middle school student, folding a can full of paper stars for Huo Qigang.
Just like each of us ordinary people, we have also believed in love like faith at the age of no heart and no lungs.
As a certain lyric says: Once the most heartfelt, so the happiest...
END