Hangzhou 1 meter 8 handsome guy, blind date dozens of times have been disliked by the woman! The doctor's words made the parents confused

Source: Qianjiang Evening News

"Are you sure it's an engineer who has been working for five or six years, is it really shy, shy, or has a problem with iq?" Hangzhou's 31-year-old Xiao zhong (pseudonym) has been blind dated dozens of times in the past 3 years, but after each meeting, he basically disappeared. It turned out that as soon as he met the girl, he was nervous, flustered, blushing, sweating, rarely talking, and there was really no way but to look at the sky or the distance. When girls whisk their sleeves away, they often carry dissatisfaction and questions.

Su Heng, director of the Clinical Psychology Department of Zhejiang Provincial People's Hospital, said that people have learned about "social phobia", in fact, there is a relatively special situation in "social phobia", called "heterosexual phobia". Xiao Zhong is one of the patients.

The tall and handsome young man needs his mother to accompany him on a blind date

Xiao Zhong is 1.8 meters tall, looks quite handsome, and has achieved good results since childhood. Parents have high expectations of him, high school, college, parents repeatedly reminded to study seriously, do not be distracted; graduate school graduates, he entered a favorite unit in Hangzhou, parents think it is best to put their minds on work first, men, should first establish a career and then consider marriage, so that Xiao Zhong from childhood to Daoda almost no contact with girls of the same age.

28-year-old, engineer, parents think that they can "open the ban", but at this time, the difference in their son's "ability" in this regard makes them stunned, puzzled, "3 years, what a good condition, actually abandoned by the woman?!" ”

Xiao Zhong is interested in girls, and is very excited every time he goes on a blind date, and he has also made appropriate preparations in terms of dress and other aspects. But when it comes to reality, it is more than enough and "strength" is insufficient, when he sees a girl, he is dizzy, he can't say anything, his eyes never dare to look directly at each other, because of the existence of girls, he will mess up all the things he is doing. At first, the family thought that he was just shy, and the "world" was rarely seen, but after several years of practice, he was still "unable to support Ah Dou", only to find that he was not just shy, but afraid.

"When the opposite sex looked at me talking, I felt as if I had been made to the Fa, unable to speak, and did not dare to lift my head." Xiao Zhong was also very helpless, saying that he also wanted to talk to the girl about something, obviously played a lot of abdominal drafts, but when he wanted to talk, he was particularly nervous, and sometimes even felt that his brain was blank in an instant. Recalling many blind dates in the past, Xiao Zhong said that each time he was looking forward to it, and it seemed like a torture.

Xiao Zhong had to ask his mother to "escort", a practice that disgusted the girl and her family, prompting the early end of one blind date after another.

As he grew older, his parents urged him to go on a blind date and fall in love and get married earlier, but the result was counterproductive. Not only does he have no object now, so far, he has not even talked about real love, and his whole life is messed up. Su Heng said that parents also felt that their son was wrong and urged Xiao Zhong to come to the hospital. After coming to the hospital, Xiao Zhong was calm, because the doctor understood him very well, and also knew that the main reason for his repeated defeats in blind dates was actually a psychological problem that could be solved, and he had always thought that he was a personality problem and a strange person.

Corey came to her male colleague, and she sat like a needle

"Ever since Corey came to my male colleague, I always felt uncomfortable." The young woman sat in front of Director Su Heng and poured bitter water, and the consultation time was several times more than others. Xiao Mu (pseudonym) came to the hospital, and his parents forced him to come.

26-year-old Mu Qingxiu Wenjing, a very well-off family, and a good job. But she hasn't had a boyfriend yet and has never had one. Xiao Mu also wants a beautiful love of his own in his heart, but he does not dare to face the opposite sex. She avoids speaking to men other than her father; she barely interacts with her colleagues of the opposite sex in the workplace; and even when she buys things, she tries to pick out the same gender clerks to communicate and pay.

The trigger for this visit to the hospital was Corey's male colleague. In the past, Xiao Mu's department was all women, and the age difference was not large, and everyone was unrestrained. But half a year ago, a male backbone enriched to Corey, 28 years old, dignified, and no girlfriend, but it was such a male colleague that Made Xiao Mu avoid it and fidget.

"The heart yearns but is afraid of contact, as if what you do will be ugly, this kind of pain is difficult for ordinary people to understand." 」 Xiao Mu said with a tight frown. Occasionally, because of the need to contact this male colleague because of work, she seemed to have done something wrong, very nervous, and did not dare to look at him. The other party was also confused, not knowing what had offended Xiao Mu, and did not even look at him in the right eye. Over time, others thought she had a strange temper and slowly alienated her.

"It's about to collapse!" I really can't stay in the original department, before coming to the hospital, Xiao Mu has written a report on the application for the transfer of departments. She thought well, if the leader did not agree, or asked why, it could only endure the pain of changing the unit.

Dr. Su Heng is in the outpatient clinic

There is a mental illness called heterosexual phobia

Director Su Heng introduced that heterosexual phobia refers to the patient's strong desire to be close to the opposite sex in the subconscious on the one hand, and on the other hand, he also has a serious anxiety, so he shows symptoms of abnormal tension and fear in front of the opposite sex, and some even have psychological symptoms such as heterosexual relationship delusions.

"Heterosexual phobia" is not a big problem in the eyes of many people, but the person concerned is very troubled, even painful, because it seriously affects a person's normal life, especially love and marriage life. Its main manifestation is to avoid most of the opposite sex interactions and is unwilling to deal with the opposite sex. There will also be many physiological manifestations of this situation, such as "the body, especially the limbs, trembling, blushing, not making a sound, sweating, dizziness" and so on. Some people generally do not make a diagnosis if they only have this manifestation for a certain period of time. Diagnosis is made only if this is the case most of the time, and lasts long enough, and severely affects social functions such as life and work.

The family environment is an important place for a person's character development. Director Su Heng believes that the main reason for "heterosexual phobia" lies in the ideas about sex and love that they have been indoctrinated since childhood. They usually think that "sex is a dirty, invisible thing", "early love is very bad", etc., but this is in direct contradiction with their inner desire for love. Over time, they will try to avoid contact with the opposite sex. Another part of the reason is that I am very concerned about the evaluation of the opposite sex by my heart, and when I think of the possible judgments and negative evaluations of others, I will try my best to avoid it. And this excessive care is fundamentally due to the lack of self-confidence in the heart - the fear of exposing one's weaknesses and messing things up.

Director Su Heng said that after the diagnosis of "heterosexual phobia" is clear, the treatment method varies from person to person, and although the drug can alleviate the anxiety of patients, it is not helpful for their inner growth. We suggest that these groups of people can undergo systematic psychotherapy to enhance their overall perception of themselves and overcome previously formed negative perceptions of themselves.

"As a doctor, I hope that everyone will understand and tolerate Xiao Zhong and Xiao Mu, so that they can get out of the haze as soon as possible in peace, and start a new and different healthy life of their own." Director Su Heng said.

Interacting with the opposite sex will be very tense, such as the following more than 2 in line, it may be "heterophobic", you should pay attention to.

Interacting with the opposite sex will be very tense, and when the opposite sex takes the initiative to associate with you, you will refuse to communicate because of the tension that disguises itself

As long as you interact with the opposite sex, you will not know where to put your hands, your eyes will not know where to look, and you will pay desperate attention to your own image;

You will be especially scared when the opposite sex is staring at you, and even "angry" because of it;

When living with the opposite sex, the brain forces itself to have certain weird thoughts, such as the other person likes himself, the other person hates you, or even the other person is not wearing clothes;

Often afraid of what the opposite sex will do to themselves, extremely insecure;

Even if the opposite sex doesn't interact with you but just exists around you, you will be overwhelmed and unable to concentrate;

blushing, dry mouth, sweating, shaking;

Experienced the hurt of the opposite sex in love and marriage, resulting in distrust and lack of interest in the opposite sex.

Source: Qianjiang Evening News Hour News Correspondent Song Lisheng Reporter Wu Chaoxiang