[Wen 丨 Bai Xiaojing Freelance writer, eager to fall in love with the text to the old female author, focusing on emotional analysis, small woman perspective, interpretation of the big world. 】
Is it an inevitable weakness in human nature to become willful if you have money?
In marriage, a woman who has been "in captivity" for a long time, without much autonomy, relies on her husband's "handouts" to live. When one day, she can make money on her own, and she earns more than her husband, what will happen to her mentality?
Mr. Dong and his wife, Ms. Ren, are such examples.
Mr. Dong and Ms. Ren are a couple who met each other on a blind date, and the two became related because of their similar interests, and they had a child after marriage.
Like countless ordinary families, after they got married, they began to face the married life of chai rice, oil and salt, pots and pans. The wife did not go to work after giving birth to the child, and has been at home with the baby and taking care of the chores. Because there was no source of income, Ms. Ren could only reach out to her husband for living expenses.
Mr. Dong is an electrician with a salary of more than 10,000 yuan a month. However, he was very stingy with his wife, giving her 50 yuan a week, 300 at most, and saving all the other money by himself.
Although Ms. Ren is not the daughter of a rich family, she was also the pearl in the palm of her parents before marriage. Now married, eating roughly, dressing shabbily, being wronged everywhere, and very dissatisfied in his heart.
In this way, Ms. Ren has been under the oppression of her husband and has been with Mr. Dong for 8 years.
Later, Ms. Ren began to do live broadcasting, earning some pocket money on her own, without looking at her husband's face to get money.
Ms. Ren was very beautiful, able to speak, and quickly attracted a large number of fans. She made a lot of money from live broadcasting, and her life quietly changed.
Ms. Ren began to like to dress herself, from head to toe, she looked brand new, dressed in fashion, and judged the same as before.
Maybe it has been suppressed for a long time, once a woman has money, she can buy what she likes with a straight face, and she does not need to whisper money from her husband. This feeling of "independence and autonomy" makes Ms. Ren more confident and not afraid of other people's faces.
In the process of live broadcasting, Ms. Ren is also very popular with the opposite sex. Many men rewarded her and gave her gifts.
Ms. Ren accepted all the "dedication" of these opposite sexes, and also enjoyed the feeling of being "cared for and cared for". Husband Mr. Dong is looking in the eyes.
At the beginning, he would also persuade her to accept it, saying: "It is not easy for me to raise a family alone, isn't it good that you can make some money through live broadcasting?" ”
But gradually, he found that his wife had changed too much. Her appearance has changed dramatically, when she dresses up, she is full of brand names, and even ambiguous with many men. Some people who liked her and pursued her even ran to Ms. Ren's mother's house to meet her.
At this time, Mr. Dong found that something was wrong. He began to worry, worried that his wife would "fly away" and said that he "couldn't keep her!" ”
For a long time, the relationship with her husband was not very good.
At first, Mr. Dong was not bad to her, and he would go home on time after work, do housework, accompany Ms. Ren to walk and shop, and hold his wife in the palm of his hand. At that time, Ms. Ren felt very happy.
However, after Ms. Ren gave birth to a child, Mr. Dong began to snub her, and all kinds of dislikes in life, saying that she was fat and ugly, and that her work was not good. He will also taunt Ms. Ren, and the two often quarrel and contradict each other.
What makes Ms. Ren even more unbearable is that Mr. Dong sometimes abuses her domestically. A word of disagreement, or when he is in a bad mood, it is a beating to his wife, and all the bad emotions are transferred to the wife.
These contradictions are the reasons for the breakdown of the couple's feelings, and Ms. Ren is determined to make money by live broadcasting.
In the face of this unhappy marriage, Ms. Dong said bluntly: "Although I am married to you, but you do not give me money, you do not give me love, you still try to torture me, what is the meaning of such a marriage?" I don't want to live with you anymore, let's get a divorce! ”
And Mr. Dong, he actually didn't want to leave Ms. Ren. On the one hand, he felt that he was abandoned by women and had no face; on the other hand, he could not bear the ambiguous relationship between his wife and other men. This home is also built by my own hard work, and I don't want to scatter it.
The feelings of both people are very complicated, but it is very painful to be tied together, how is it good?
Eight years of marriage in crisis, any marriage problem is traceable.
Frozen three feet is not a day's cold, the reason why Mr. Dong and Ms. Ren will come to the point of divorce is composed of countless little contradictions.
Ms. Ren is a stay-at-home mom, and her status as a housewife leaves her with no source of income. When a woman is willing to give up her job for you and choose to return to the family, the husband must learn to be grateful and understanding, and support his wife financially.
If there is no consensus, or if a woman's place in the family is viewed through the lens of machismo, the relationship between husband and wife will be unbalanced.
Mr. Dong is like this, he did not ideologically put Ms. Ren in an equal position.
He still feels that he is making money outside, that is, he is on top, he is not considerate of his wife's hardships, he does not care about his wife's psychological condition, and he is more materially calculating, and he is more "cutting the door" for his wife.
Over time, the wife will feel that she has no voice at home and loses her independence and autonomy. More importantly, it does not receive the respect it deserves.
A woman should have her own financial resources, which can make her more free and more confident when spending money, but this should not be an excuse for "women can be willful after they have money".
Earn money by your own efforts and spend yourself, others are not qualified to interfere. However, as a married person, you still have to put your role right, know your identity, and accept the courtesy of others without any surprise, if you do too much, it is a manifestation of "crossing the line".
After all, no matter how bad the relationship between husband and wife is, we must also respect the marriage and respect the other half.
If, after a woman has money, her heart begins to swell, and even "retaliates against her husband", such as spending money and spending a lot of money, interacting with many men, and sometimes not returning home at night, etc., this is a manifestation of lack of rationality and restraint.
In marriage, what is needed is understanding and introspection, to see more of what they are not doing well, and to see more of each other's strengths.
When there is a contradiction in marriage, it is necessary to calm down and communicate well, rather than complaining to each other, using the other party as a channel of catharsis, rather than a person with an independent personality.
Love is the cornerstone of maintaining the stability of a marriage.
[I am Bai Xiaojing, who likes to fall in love with life, be an interesting person, and write words with temperature. Welcome to share your unique perspective and collide ideas together. 】