01
I have heard the voices of many elderly people, such as:
"As long as you don't bring grandchildren, the daughter-in-law's opinion is very big, is there really a mistake in not bringing grandchildren?" It's not your responsibility. We are not easy, hard work all our lives, and finally we can live a little leisure, enjoy and enjoy life, and what is wrong. ”
Here, I want to first say a phenomenon, some old people are really not easy, when they are young, the days are all bitter, it is not easy to stay up until the son gets married, thinking that this is finally easy, but immediately forced to the role of mother-in-law, considering the harmony of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
So he began to play the role of a nanny, saying that the nanny was still good, and the full-time grandmother was even in charge, and she also managed the family's food and drink.
Bring the child well, it is good, if the child has a fever and a cold, it will be questioned immediately, and endure the grievances of the usual parenting concepts and living habits.
Life is both wronged and passive, and when you encounter an ungrateful daughter-in-law, it is even more miserable and dark.
No wonder the old saying goes, having a son is the original sin. All his life for his son, he kept paying and sacrificing, and in the end he did not end up well.
Sometimes I wonder, is it possible to do this to be a good mother-in-law? If so, then this good is not an objective definition, but a definition given according to the degree to which one's selfishness and greed are satisfied. So even if your mother-in-law does this, it is only temporarily good for you.
Because selfishness and greed are endless, when the mother-in-law can only sacrifice to this extent, but also sacrificed all that can be sacrificed, and no longer has the ability to continue to satisfy your greed, the previous good will not be counted.
02
Let's answer the question mentioned in the opening article, is it really wrong not to bring grandchildren? Is your dissatisfaction with your mother-in-law because she didn't help you with the children?
A friend of mine came to hear her exactly:
"I never thought of pushing my responsibility to my mother-in-law, just like when my son grows up, I also want to have my own life, it is rare to calm down and slow down the pace of my life." However, if my son and daughter-in-law are in difficulty, I will definitely lend a helping hand in time.
So my dissatisfaction with my mother-in-law was never because she didn't help me with the children, but when I was in the most difficult time, she still told you that 'helping you with your feelings, not helping you with your duty' principle.
Yes, it is true that the child was born voluntarily, and the responsibility should be borne by both of us, and no matter how hard it is, we should bear it ourselves. But what about family affection?
Cold, cold, selfish, harsh, this is the source of my dissatisfaction with my mother-in-law. Even if you encounter difficulties, ask her to help you, or indifferent, two hours of time can not be drawn, but their own shopping, playing mahjong but at any time. It's not that she has 'affection' for me, it's that she is so cold to her grandson. ”
It can only be said that we all thought wrong.
Excluding those daughters-in-law who have problems with character, many daughters-in-law with empathy, dissatisfaction with the mother-in-law is not because there is no greed for the benefits of the mother-in-law, but in their most difficult time, the mother-in-law is so indifferent, not as good as a neighbor, not even as good as a stranger.
So how do you talk about the love between the family? All I can feel is the indifference of my mother-in-law, and in the light of the fact of the family, how can I not be chilled.
If the mother-in-law's behavior is reasonable, even if she has shortcomings and deficiencies, it will not be to the point where the daughter-in-law is dissatisfied.
What is reasonableness? It's the truth and the sentiment.
Between a family, love is the premise of reasoning, there is no emotion, only reason, this is to use reason to maintain their selfishness. Maybe you haven't done anything wrong, but your indifference makes people chill, so it seems that you are reasoning, and what you say is also reasonable, but you are talking about your own reasoning.
There are many things that even strangers can't see, how can you see them? Whether the daughter-in-law has offended you, or the son has offended you, or whether you yourself are an indifferent person, without the slightest sympathy or pity.
In fact, those mothers-in-law who are too indifferent do not have much love for their sons, such as they like to emphasize and amplify their own giving parts, and the selfless and great thought of parents' love. The so-called parenting, there is love, but more is just out of biological instinct, responsibility to bear.
03
People who are too selfish may be able to live well in the moment, but don't forget that life is more than "now". If you still have tomorrow and the future still has a long way to go, then you must learn to accumulate your own blessings and use your love and kindness to accumulate.
Looks smart, but is actually confused, so whether you are really smart or really confused is obvious.
Of course, unless you volunteer and like to bring children, although it is very hard and grinding to carry children, you can enjoy different joys and happiness from it. Otherwise, the daughter-in-law asks you to take responsibility for her, which is a principle to refuse.
Because the person who can make such a request, or still has a natural attitude, has already proved a lot behind it.
When you can use it, it may be very good to you, and when you are not needed, it will be realistic, it is simply better to take care of yourself, just like the reason for borrowing money, some people look for you to borrow money, you borrow, lend an enemy, do not borrow, and finally still the enemy, it is better not to borrow directly.
If there is no problem with the character of both sides, the one who should help is still to help, after all, it is not to help others, but to help their own families and help their sons. Maybe there will be other unpleasantness in life, but it doesn't matter, as long as you don't care, the past will pass.
After all, as long as you live together, it is impossible to have no contradictions, some pay, do not necessarily require returns, whether there is a return is not important, what is important is to be worthy of yourself, your conscience can be passable, do what you can do.
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