When I went to dinner on the weekend, the two children in the neighboring seat would shout loudly and run around, and the mother would sit by and brush her mobile phone, not stopping the child's behavior.
There is a Chinese saying that "a habitual son is like a murderer". It is natural for parents to love their children, but if this love becomes coddling, it will be harmful to the child and not beneficial. As a parent, how to love children without coddling, this degree is actually not easy to grasp.
In fact, there is a word between love and coddling, called "rule". Only rules = no love, only love = coddling, love with rules is the best love for children. Parents can love their children, and they can also respect, praise, and satisfy their children, but at the same time establish rules for their children. Using rules to restrain children and let children grow in a better direction is like pruning branches and leaves to make a small tree grow more upright.
In fact, China's traditional education concept has always advocated that the love of children should have rules, in ancient times, there were family rules in the family, every child must abide by, and if you commit a crime, you will be punished. Children are taught from an early age what can and cannot be done.
My country has also always attached great importance to etiquette. Children are taught from an early age to respect their elders and to be courteous and courteous. The children who are educated in this way are not only very polite and upbringing, but more importantly, the children will not be self-centered, will not be disrespectful and fearless.
It is very frightening for a child not to have a sense of awe. If there is no reverence in the child's heart, he will have no respect and care for anyone and everything. When they grow up, children are likely to do a lot of things that are out of the ordinary, and even violate the law and discipline. Therefore, teaching children to have a sense of awe from an early age is to establish a sense of rules for children from the concept, which is a very important family education content.
However, everything is easier said than done. How do you establish rules at home and enforce them effectively? Here, to give you three points of advice:
1. The formulation of rules should be reasonable and consistent with the child's development, rather than the parents' impulsive decisions.
Many parents have not thought about what kind of rules to make for their children, but only temporarily when they see that their children have problems. For example, when parents see that their children have not written homework because they are watching TV, they are furious and announce that they will never watch TV again. The feeling given to the child in this way is that there is nothing wrong with watching TV, but mom and dad don't like me to watch TV. The child will not properly understand that this rule was made for his own good. Moreover, sometimes, the rules formulated on an impromptu basis are unreasonable and will cause dissatisfaction among children.
2. When enforcing the rules, be gentle and firm, one should not bring emotions, and the other should not be unsteady.
When parents discipline their children with emotions, the children feel the parents' emotions and will not realize their mistakes, and at the same time, the parents' bad emotions will also affect the children's emotions. On the contrary, when parents gently tell their children the rules and state their position, the child will not feel that the parents are throwing tantrums, but this thing really cannot be done.
In addition, the rules are formulated firmly and firmly enforced. Many parents always compromise, resulting in rules that simply don't work. For example, it is stipulated that the toys should be put away after playing, and as a result, one day when they saw the toys confiscated, they were furious and scolded the child. After a few days, I met again, and as a result, my parents were in a good mood and left it alone.
The consequence of this is to make the child feel that the rules can be followed or not, depending on the parents' mood. Over time, children learn to observe words and colors instead of following the rules.
3. When the child makes a mistake, try to let the child bear the natural consequences of the matter, rather than the punishment of the parents.
Many times, when conditions permit, try to let the children bear the natural consequences of things by themselves, which can play a good educational role. For example, when it is time to eat, the child is playing and does not want to eat, so gently tell him that after the time of eating, there is no food to eat, and can only wait until the next meal, and then let him be hungry until the next meal. He tasted hunger and knew it was time to eat.
The love of parents for their children is not only a great sacrifice, but also a responsibility. It is irresponsible to love only parents who do not care. Coddling is honey with arsenic that ruins a child's future. I hope that every pair of parents can learn how to manage their children, rather than just getting used to them.