Today I share with you the twelve rules of educating children, and the "12 rules" are derived from the characteristics of children's psychological development. For professional educators who are familiar with the process of children's physical and mental growth, these are just the most basic common sense.
In the United States, many ordinary parents will also receive training by consulting school teacher counselors or participating in volunteer services of children's organizations, and master the more professional educational rules and apply them to family education, so these rules run through the children's education of the United States from society, schools, and families.
Many of these laws are not contradictory to the way of the godson of the Chinese people, but when they are implemented, they need to know how to adapt to the social environment, so let's take a look at these laws together, we can choose the method suitable for our children to learn from one or two.
The law of attribution
Ensure that children grow up in a healthy family environment
This article seems self-evident, what parent does not want to create a healthy environment for their children? But in fact, it is not always the case, and some parents have this heart but do not know how to do it.
For example, excessive coddling and submissive children, eating and playing blindly by children, not exercising or working, and developing unhealthy living habits.
There are contradictions between parents and frequent quarrels, which is also a very abnormal and unhealthy environment. Broken families and long-term separations make children lack a sense of belonging.
If family changes are inevitable, parents should use positive and healthy ways to comfort and counsel their children, rather than taking extreme measures such as neglect or coddling or excessive severity, let alone anger at their children due to family breakdown.
The Law of Hope
Always let children see hope
Parents have high hopes for their children, but do they always use positive words of encouragement to let their children see hope and think that they do have hope?
Everyone knows that Americans are good at saying nice things, especially to children, no matter how they do, they often praise and say, "Well done," "Fantastic," "You're such a genius." This is about using the law of hope to motivate the child positively.
Chinese parents have high expectations for their children, but they are not good at using the law of hope, and they love to find gaps and pick faults, and their children have 95 points, and they have to investigate why they lost 5 points. Such high standards and strict requirements may be counterproductive, and will stifle many of the children's hopes and discourage them.
The Law of Power
Never fight with your child
Adults always have more strength than children, whether it is fighting physical strength or fighting intelligence and experience. Therefore, adults and children are not equal in fighting strongly, and victory is not honorable.
Of course, adults can compete with children in specific sports that they are good at, such as playing chess, etc., but not entirely for the purpose of winning or losing. Parents, teachers and adults who are closely related to their children should not use gambling with their children, hard ratios, etc. to stimulate their children. For children whose psychological feelings are in an immature stage, the "radical method" is inappropriate.
If the child quarrels with the adult and gambles, no matter who is reasonable, the adult must take the initiative to reconcile with them. Adults should also have the courage to admit their mistakes, especially for children, and they should apologize and admit their mistakes in a timely manner. If parents do not change or recognize mistakes, they feel that it is humiliating to admit mistakes in front of their children, and they will also let their children learn to be stubborn.
Rules of management
Discipline is the responsibility of the parents until the child is underage
Underage children are immature in their ability to exercise self-restraint, so parents must take responsibility for discipline. But this kind of discipline should be full of affection, humanity, science and rationality, and children should not be arbitrarily repaired and manipulated as private property. Nor should we adopt simple and rude commanding styles, without regard for and respect for the child's ideas and personality.
On the other hand, minor children regard their parents as a backer, and reasonable discipline and care will make children feel safe and supported, and they will turn to their parents when they encounter problems and dangers.
If parents usually give their children everything (academics, performance, hobbies, etc.) too much, as if to give their children more freedom, but the children will feel that parents "don't care" about themselves and become alienated.
Laws of sound
Listen to them
Treat children equally, give them a voice, listen to their voices, and they will speak their true minds. If adults do not respect children's ideas and ignore their voices, over time, they will not dare to tell the truth to their parents and do not like to communicate with their parents.
Moreover, parents are children's teachers and role models, if parents do not have the patience to listen to their children, children will also learn from them, refuse to listen to adults, and even do not know how to respect others.
For young children, even if they do not speak to the right words, adults should talk to them patiently. Any act of rudely interrupting or laughing at their speech will be harmful to the child, may affect their ability to express themselves and may be ashamed to open their mouths in front of people, or vice versa, so that the child has to interject inappropriately to attract the attention of adults.
The law of example
The role model of words and deeds for children is enormous
"Lead by example, teach by example" is universal. Children's upbringing, interests, hobbies, etc., mostly come from the environment in which they grew up.
Parents, siblings, relatives and friends, teachers, social relations, etc. all have an impact on children. The influence of mothers on girls and fathers on boys is important.
In addition to role models within the family, it is also necessary to pay attention to the social relationships and the influence of frequent occasions on children. For teenagers, parents should also pay attention to the media films and televisions that their children like to watch, and understand what their idols look like.
If you find that your child has mistakenly made friends, do not arbitrarily stop them from coming and going, but understand the situation. Children need friendship and are afraid of loneliness, and some children are in the company of some "marginal children" because they have no friends because they have moved to a new environment.
Also find and expand new healthy friendship circles for your child.
The law of seeking common ground while reserving differences
Respect your child's view of the world and try to understand them as much as possible
Children and adults often have different views, and they will have a lot of unconventional fantasies. In fact, these are the cuteness of children's hearts, if adults think that children's ideas are strange and pour cold water, it will stifle their imagination and curiosity, and will also make them disappointed because they cannot understand.
On the other hand, many times, innocent children have objective opinions and dare to speak the truth. Fairy tales are unbridled. Combine the "law of sound" to encourage children to dare to express themselves and affirm their ideas positively. Of course, if some opinions are out of touch with reality or cause trouble, they should also be patiently explained.
Children with immature thoughts and ways of thinking often cannot think in many ways, but will only continue their own ideas, so they do not think things carefully. Parents should understand the characteristics of children's thinking as much as possible, and can use the method of decomposing and simplifying complex things, and explain or solicit their opinions to them in stages and batches.
All things related to the child himself, such as moving to another school, choosing extracurricular activities, participating in exam competitions, etc., must be discussed and explained before the child, even if the child's opinion cannot be fully followed, it must be made that the parents have consulted their opinion. Otherwise, the kindness of parents is likely to be not well rewarded.
Use the law of punishment with caution
Simple punishment, especially corporal punishment, is a very negative and clumsy way of education, but also uncivilized, children who are violently punished from an early age, many will grow up to have a tendency to make huge profits. The use of punishment is therefore not advocated. But it is not possible to criticize the child, but also to use appropriate methods to do some punishment.
But the premise is that the child must realize that he has done something wrong and be willing to accept the punishment so that he can not take the example. The punishment method should also be reasonable, and they can be prevented from doing what they like, such as being punished for a few days and not being allowed to watch TV and play games online.
Also, because even children know that punishment is negative, don't take some positive things as punishment. For example, punishing children for labor will make them think that labor is a bad thing and thus produce disgust.
The law of consequences
Let your child know the possible consequences of their actions
Sometimes, when a child causes trouble or wants to do something innovative, even adults do not understand the consequences and harm, and then blame or stop the child, which of course cannot be convincing.
If you want to educate your child to be convinced, parents, teachers and other adults should first think carefully about the causes and consequences of each thing, and then talk to the child well, you can start from the good or bad consequences, and in turn explain whether you should do this, know the reason, the child will understand.
In fact, the consequences are not all negative. Adults have more experience than children and should be more predictive. For example, when guiding children to choose interests and specialties or apply for schools, parents can conduct some surveys on the prospects and encourage them to develop according to their children's characteristics. However, if you do not go through the analysis and thinking of your own mind, just following the trend of the trend, it is not an effective consequence analysis method, and it will often delay the child.
Structural laws
Teach children to understand the boundaries between morality and law from an early age
It is not too difficult to educate children to do this, legal education is integrated in social life and school education, children have been educated in all aspects from an early age, and they have a moral bottom line and a legal bottom line in their hearts, which often affects parents in turn.
If you can't lead by example and set an example of discipline and law-abiding for your child, then your child will also be powerless and lawless.
A Chinese parent once complained that her daughter in high school had become a "problem girl" who had truant from school, and when I heard this parent show off her "glorious achievements" such as how she brought prohibited items into the United States in front of her children, it was no wonder why her children flouted school rules.
The Twenty Yard Rule
This "twenty yards" is a symbol that Americans pay attention to cultivating children's independence from an early age and leaving psychological space for children. Parents do not have to go around the children, you feel that you care about them, but the children feel that the parents are too strict.
Children should also be allowed to maintain their own privacy, their own initiative and decision-making power. Of course, parents still have to watch from twenty yards away and be ready to cut in, rather than running to two hundred yards or two hundred miles away.
Parents should pay attention to the big aspects of their children's management and discipline, especially according to the age of the child. Young children may need more specific and meticulous guidance in their lives and studies, but they should also be given the opportunity to exercise independence.
Children entering adolescence are the most annoying parents to ask and nag, children of this age do not like to take care of people, but it does not mean that they have not heard the words of their parents. Therefore, parents should not repeat the words endlessly until they react, which will cause the child to resent. You can tell your child in advance that no matter what good or bad things are, just say it once, and if you don't listen to the delay, it is your own responsibility. Instead of being annoyed by nagging parents, it is better to let them delay once or twice in exchange for lessons.
The Four W's Rule
The Four W's Rule: Know who your child is with at all times, where, what, and when.
Some parents seem to worry a lot about their children, but they don't know these W's of their children, which is not a good parent. Only when all the above rules are almost done, the child is willing to tell the truth to the parents, and the parents can understand these W.s.
Some parents are willing to pay money to send their children to expensive private boarding schools, in addition to academic considerations, they also feel that strictly managed private schools can give their children a better growth environment. With reliable schools to discipline children, don't parents have to worry about these W's? In fact, the process of educating and cultivating children is also the process of parents learning and growing, too early to let children leave home for boarding, parents will lose such a period of hard but very interesting life opportunities.
Children who have grown up in the Internet age have been inseparable from online communication, and parents should also pay attention to these W in the online world. Children are not allowed to make friends with netizens, but they must not hide from their parents, especially not behind their parents' backs to meet netizens.
Parents should not arbitrarily forbid their children to make friends in different ways, but should try to understand those friends. Moreover, parents themselves should also set an example, because of business and private outings, they must promptly notify their families of these W,, which will also make children feel that it is incumbent upon them to tell their families these W.
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Source: Homeschooling
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