Some time ago, the Internet was brushed by a resume of a five-year-old child: five-year-olds knew 1500 words, could memorize more than 100 Tang poems, and read 500 English books a year.
The daily course content is full of arrangements, including thinking training, calculation training, Sudoku, etc., as well as piano, football, street dance, swimming, Go, hosting, going to many countries, and writing three English diaries every week.
Everyone exclaimed, "I can't catch up with this little child in this life!" Parents are even more anxious: "It's over, my child lost at the starting line, what to do?" ”
The anxiety caused by cow babies can be roughly divided into three levels.
The first layer: do you want to let your children fight like this from an early age?
The second layer: If you have to fight like this since you were a child, what should you fight?
Tier 3: If talent and insight also compete, what should parents do?
All three layers of anxiety are very natural. Any parent wants their child to have a bright future, and I'm not the kind of person who advises people to "forget it, don't care."
I can fully understand the parents' worries about their children's future, and I agree with this kind of person's common sense.
What exactly do you want to learn when you are a child to start?
The second layer of anxiety is actually equivalent to the question: what do young children learn to start?
I think we will all agree that young children should learn something that is good for their children's studies.
The proud grades of the five-year-old cow baby are basically the same as the content that many parents focus on cultivating in the early stages of their children's upbringing: literacy, English, memorizing poetry, calculation, mathematical thinking.
There is no doubt that these contents are directly related to the curriculum of the lower primary schools.
Children who excel in literacy, English and numeracy can easily be at the top of their first-grade assignments.
But the question is, in the long run, how much good will this content be for children's academics?
We can compare the question: at the age of one or two, different children learn to walk and talk differently sooner or later, but how much of an impact does this first-mover advantage have on the long-term development of children?
Every parent can conclude that there is no impact.
Some children speak before they are one year old, and some children do not speak until they are almost three years old, but once they learn to speak, there will be no difference between children in terms of speaking.
Normal children will express themselves fluently after the age of three, and the gap between morning and evening will soon be smoothed out, and no difference can be seen.
Why is that?
The reason is simple: speaking is a common skill that all normal people can master.
As long as it is a skill that everyone can master, there will be no essential difference between mastering it earlier and later.
Just like eating and sleeping, when the baby is very young, parents often go to great lengths to let the child learn to eat and sleep, but no matter how the child grows up, there is no one who will not eat and sleep when he grows up.
What makes a big difference in life must be the skills that some people can master and others can't, not the common skills that all people can master.
So are literacy, pinyin, and arithmetic different skills, or are they common skills? As we all know, this must be a common skill.
It is difficult for young children to read, but I have not seen a few people who are not literate in normal school.
In the end, everyone can recognize the same amount of words, and there is almost no difference between early literacy and late literacy. Pinyin and arithmetic are similar, and can be learned quickly regardless of whether the first grade of primary school is adapted or not.
In fact, I do not deny that there are indeed many geniuses who show more advanced characteristics than the average person, and have achieved outstanding achievements at a young age.
But the reverse does not hold, and catching up ahead does not equal genius. Learning earlier than others does not mean learning well.
If literacy, phonics, and arithmetic are common abilities that everyone can master, how long can the advantage of advance be maintained?
It's easy to think of, not much.
Even if parents want to fight, they should let their children have some long-term advantages, rather than let the children work hard to practice some common skills that others will quickly close the gap.
So, what is the ability to give children an advantage in the long term?
We ourselves can think about when and where it is easiest to break away from people when we are in school.
What disciplines and skills will make a lifelong difference between people?
In fact, it is easy to think, it is certainly not literacy or the like.
What really opens the gap is the learning of complex knowledge in the upper grades: advanced application of language, advanced learning of mathematics and science.
These will test students' deep understanding of language and mathematical knowledge, and it is also where the gap between achievements is impressive.
Therefore, parents should pay more attention to subtly cultivating children's deep understanding of knowledge.
The advance rush looks shining, but the root of deep understanding is rooted in the soil, although it is unknown in the early stage, it will grow into a towering tree in the later stage.
How to cultivate children's diverse hobbies?
The following analysis of the third layer of anxiety: how to cultivate children's diverse hobbies, is this the time to fight for parents?
In fact, it is certainly a good thing for children to open their horizons and cultivate various hobbies from an early age, but there are many narrative angles on this issue, as well as many perspectives of analysis and understanding.
The first angle is: I often let my children play at will, play anything, sometimes sing and dance, sometimes play basketball and soccer, sometimes play family performances together, sometimes take him to swim and play, sometimes play blindly at home, sometimes the whole family goes to travel, it is simply playing every day, life is not too easy.
The second angle is: I arranged a lot of interest classes for the child, including singing, dancing, playing basketball, playing football, swimming, painting, and taking him all over the world to increase his knowledge, I hope that he will live a full and efficient life every minute, so that the child can develop a variety of hobbies.
Is there a difference between the two angles?
For four or five-year-old children, the effect of the two is very small, even the best children, in painting, basketball, dance and acting and other professional classes, the performance is similar to the play effect, and whether the parents arrange these classes, the child will also sing and dance, run and play with the ball, painting performance, because these are part of the child's playful nature.
That is to say, in a family that allows children to play freely and a family that arranges high-intensity interest classes for children, the results achieved may be similar.
However, the attitudes of the two are very different.
The attitude of the parents of the former is completely relaxed, even if they send their children to study classes, they also feel that the children are playing, not what achievements have been achieved; while the attitude of the parents of the latter is serious and nervous, even if they play with their children, they also feel that they are learning, and they must record every point of achievement.
The former felt that this was all a spontaneous manifestation of the child; the latter felt that this was all my excellent arrangement.
This leads to two different ways of living: the children of the former seem to be relaxed, and they reach the life that the parents of the latter have worked hard to arrange for their children.
That's why we're going to see some people who can play and learn.
The existence of these people often makes us jealous.
But we often can't believe that life can be played and learned.
How will easy playing hobbies and serious learning hobbies make for children?
It makes a difference in feelings.
In a relaxed state, the main reason for not doing a thing is whether they are interested.
In a relaxed state of play, children will basically be particularly prone to show their true sensitivity and interest, and parents will also be easy to observe the most potential aspects of their children.
In the tense task state, in addition to whether they are interested in the factor, there are perseverance factors that can persist, whether they can be satisfactory to please factors, and the pressure factors of how many achievements they have accumulated.
However, if everything is done well, the distinction between all this is lost.
Over time, you will not feel which one is particularly beloved in your heart.
Some people may say that perseverance, please, and grades are not important?
They are important, but they should be the driving force behind a person's discovery of his or her inner direction, when he or she is constantly improving and adding weight in that direction.
At the beginning of life, if such seriousness is imposed in every direction, it is impossible to distinguish the difference in any direction.
I've seen more than one adult friend say to me that I don't feel what I really like; I've seen more than one adult friend suddenly give up the major they've studied for years and start looking for it again.
To let children find their own interested direction, what is needed is the sensitive hearts of both parents and children, and parents need to really see their children.
It's really not a matter of smashing every direction to get the result, and many times, it's the opposite.
Stretch it a little further.
Distinguishing between whether parents are really willing to support their children's hobbies or are keen to add a new touch to their children's glittering report cards depends on the attitude of parents when they face their children's life choices.
If parents try their best to let their children learn piano and train their musical talents, but once the child really says to the parents, "I want to make music, I want to participate in the draft, I want to be a wandering singer", the parents are diametrically opposed, "If you go, break your legs", this is not really supporting the child's hobby, but just using the piano as a plus for the exam.
To support the child's hobbies, it is necessary to allow the child to try freely at the beginning, and carefully choose the flame that burns in his heart in the future, and have no hesitation on the chosen road.
If there is no initial freedom and final tolerance, it is better not to say that you "support your child's development of hobbies".
In the final analysis, enlightenment is also the embodiment of the concept of life, depending on whether parents can let their children have the right to choose their own life.
How to develop the ability to benefit your child's long-term development?
After looking at the excessive tension caused by the second layer of anxiety and the excessive tension caused by the third layer of anxiety, we can't help but return to the first layer of anxiety: Is it not enough for children to be enlightened when they are young, and it is enough to let them play at will?
In this regard, we return to the original goal: we hope that children can develop some abilities that are good for the long term in life.
So, we still have to ask ourselves in depth: What is the ability to be good for the child in the long run?
Academically, the biggest impact on children's grades is the difference in deep understanding that gradually appears from the upper grades of elementary school to junior high school.
The differentiation of grades begins to appear around this stage, and there are many subjects that will always show great differences in learning after that.
So what is this deep understanding?
What factors are involved?
In fact, in simple terms, it is related to thinking habits.
If a person often thinks actively and independently; if he can not be satisfied with being told the answer to anything, but expect himself to logically reason to come up with the answer; if he can get used to thinking about deep reasons through the surface; if he often communicates his ideas with people and can understand different points of view, then the problems encountered in his studies will not become an obstacle to his learning.
Out of school, what is the most beneficial ability for children's long-term development?
It is the autonomy of a person who is responsible for his own life.
Human autonomy has become increasingly important in psychological research, and self-determinism has become one of the hottest areas of study in recent years.
Psychologists are increasingly finding that being able to make choices for oneself, make decisions, and control the direction of one's life is the most important factor in one's long-term happiness.
And we have long heard that children's self-driven learning has a longer-term good effect.
So how do you give your child autonomy?
Parents should let their children participate in life choices from an early age, make decisions about their learning, way of doing things, and time management, and give children the opportunity to take responsibility for themselves.
Parents should respect their children as much as adults, so that children can experience their sense of responsibility and pride in being masters, all of which are to hand over the ownership of children's lives to their children, and the habits that gradually form will allow him to find direction in future life.
Therefore, these two habits, the habit of thinking and the habit of autonomy, are the foundations we lay for our children in the stage of their initiation.
Whether it is buying vegetables, cooking, reading, or sleeping, if we can talk deeply with the child in every small moment of life, listen to the child's voice, respect his choices, let him decide his life arrangements, discuss the causes and consequences of things with him, guide him to think, and encourage him to put forward his own ideas, it is the best enlightenment.
It can be seen from this that the arrangement of too intensive interest classes for children, to some extent, is to weaken the child's ability to self-arrange and make self-decisions, and does not leave room for children to think
Rather, it is a way of enlightenment that is not conducive to the long-term development of children.
Enlightenment is not a quantitative number, nor is it a meticulous form.
Enlightenment is to open the child's heart, and listen to the child's heart with patience, is to let the child's innermost thoughts and self-awareness sprout out, rooted in the fertile soil, self-promotion and growth into a towering tree.
If you must further require your child to develop cognitively before school age, what should you let your child learn?
Many skills can be learned.
Literacy and math can be learned, knowing the name of the shop on the road, calculating the age difference on birthdays, it is all very good to learn.
It's just that the study of any knowledge doesn't need to be deliberately compared.
More important than learning knowledge and skills is the habit of developing a habit of mind – the habit of asking questions about anything you don't understand.
If the child hears any knowledge point, can understand the principle behind it, explore the ins and outs in depth, ask questions in time about the places that are not understood, and can give an example to the places that are understood, then this habit will be substituted for school learning in the future, which will form the ability to think and understand the complex knowledge of the senior grades.
In the final analysis, the enlightenment of parents to their children is a silent infiltration of moisturizers, and the most important thing is the infiltration of behavior and attitude.
Parents' anxiety or confidence will also be invisibly transmitted to the child.
If we trust our children more, they will trust themselves more.
The above content comes from "Children, may you have a brave life and light", the author Hao Jingfang, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.