The things that children are most worried about and afraid of are related to their parents.
As a parent, how many of the things your children are most afraid of, how many things have you done?
I hope that after reading this article, parents can pay more attention to their inadvertent but hurtful behavior.
01
Mom and Dad had a fight
A child psychology research institute conducted a psychological survey of more than 3,000 school-age children.
One of them is "What are you most afraid of Mom and Dad?" The most answered was: "I am most afraid of my parents getting angry, afraid of them arguing."
There is an answer sheet that is vividly written:
"I'm most afraid of my father getting angry, and the way he gets angry is terrible!"
My mother cried out in anger, and I was so frightened like a little mouse that my heart was pounding, and I couldn't eat..."
02
Mom and Dad lost their temper again
Throwing a tantrum at a child does make the child afraid.
In fear, the child's behavior that upsets the parents is temporarily invisible.
But what will happen to him? There are several possibilities:
Obediently listen to your command, you do what you let you do;
He was stunned and stunned to stay there;
Cry and stop doing what you don't want him to do, and don't do what you want him to do;
Learn from you, start a fire, and throw your beloved vase to the ground.
Children are very sensitive to people's emotions.
Therefore, the tantrum of parents will also affect the child's behavior and emotions.
However, the child still can't figure out why the parents lose their temper.
That is to say, when many parents lose their temper, although the child stops the behavior that the parents do not expect, they do not know what they are doing wrong.
In life, it is best not to lose your temper with your child, but if you really accidentally get angry with your child, after you lose your temper, it is best to explain it to your child.
What is the child's problem, what to do, but also through the action to make the child feel your care and love.
If possible, it is best to give an early warning before tantrums, such as:
"I can't help but get angry, can you hurry up..."
"I'm in a bad mood today, you'd better not..."
But we must not relax the requirements for our children because of the guilt after the tantrum, and those who should insist must persist.
03
Eccentricity, not being able to give the same love to children
The plot of the popular movie "Tangshan Earthquake" in previous years should still be fresh in everyone's memory.
In the Tangshan earthquake, a pair of sons and daughters were crushed under the same cement slab.
Faced with the difficult choice of saving only one, the mother chose her son Fangda with pain, although the lucky girl also survived the disaster and was adopted as an adopted daughter by a PLA couple.
However, because the daughter resented her mother's eccentricity and resented the phrase "save her brother", she experienced a lot of things outside, suffered a lot of hardships and did not want to go home to recognize her relatives, and was separated from her family for thirty-two years.
Parents are eccentric, so that some children grow up in the afterglow of their parents from an early age, the same pair of parents' children, pocket money, clothes, travel... The treatment is different, which will bring a shadow to the child's growth.
Numerous studies have found that parental bias can adversely affect children's mental health, causing behavioral problems in children, adolescents and even adulthood.
Even if they grow up and live away from home for many years and build their own families, the impact is still there.
Moreover, whether it is a favored child, a child who is snubbed, or a child who is watching, as long as he is aware of his mother's eccentricity, he will be damaged.
A neglected child resents his mother or a favored child, and a favored child incurs the hatred of his siblings.
04
Parents are untrustworthy and lie
Some parents verbally promise certain conditions around learning, but when the child completes the parents' requirements, the parents push back and forth when they fulfill the requirements.
For example, some parents say:
Hurry up to write homework, write homework and watch TV, but after the child finishes writing homework, parents will leave some learning tasks to let the child continue to learn;
Some parents promise their children that as long as their test scores reach the top few, there will be some rewards, and the child really does a good test, but he can't get the rewards he deserves.
Children hate their parents most easily and can't keep their promises, have no faith in their words, and "tease" themselves.
At the same time, the untrustworthiness loses its prestige, and the parents' words do not count, not only losing their own prestige in the minds of their children.
It is also not conducive to the growth of children, and even affects the child's own image.
Let the children who have not formed a trustworthy concept feel that a person can speak irresponsibly, and what he promises others can also not be done.
In this way, children can easily develop the bad habit of "recklessness" and "no credit", and after adulthood, this "untrustworthy" habit will make themselves lose a lot of friends and opportunities.
1. To be a parent who counts should not easily promise and not make a wish;
2. Don't casually agree to your child's request in order to achieve your immediate goal;
3. When the child makes a request, it is necessary to seriously think about whether the request is reasonable and can be fulfilled, and if it is reasonable and fulfillable, it must be seriously promised and must be fulfilled.
05
Friends of children are not welcome
When the child grows up, he also hopes to have a few sincere friends and share his joys and sorrows with himself, and I believe that mothers should also hope that their children's interpersonal relationships are good.
But some parents may not like their children's friends because they are not very polite, or too calculating, or will bully people, love to lie and other shortcomings.
However, for children, with the gradual development of the body and mind, it is hoped that parents will treat them as "adults" and respect the independent opinions that children have when choosing friends.
If parents always discipline and intermittently or uninterruptedly express their dislike for their children's good friends, it is bound to cause children's disgust, so that the gap between the two sides will gradually increase.
Parents should respect their child's choice of good friends.
Parents should look at their children's good friends from the child's point of view, be good at role transposition thinking, and respect and maintain the child's choice.
Parents acknowledge the differences in choosing friends with their children and respect this difference.
Sometimes give the child enough face, and the child will also give the parents enough face.
The child's ability to establish good friends with others is one of the most basic relationships in interpersonal relationships, and it is necessary to respect the child's free choice according to the wishes and preferences of both parties.
06
Ignore their strengths
In real life, parents often compare their children's shortcomings with the strengths of other children's, and even over-glorify and exaggerate other people's children.
I wanted to set an example for my children, but in fact, I brought great harm to my children, and even affected my children's life.
Every child has his strengths and advantages, although the child's talent is different, learning things are fast and slow, and learning performance is also high and low, but judging a child's good or bad cannot depend only on one aspect.
As a parent, you can't just rely on your looks, grades and other aspects to determine that your children are inferior to others and have no performance, but you should be good at discovering their strengths and discovering what makes them different.
Always believe that your children are excellent, and keep the praise to your children, so that they can continue to carry out their strengths and strengths in your praise.
07
Blame the child in front of the guests
People come and go, friends and family get together, talk about their children, often become one of the important topics.
Many parents like to expose their children's shortcomings in front of everyone, as if they are complaining to others, saying that it is not easy to educate such a child.
But unbeknownst to him, he only cares about criticizing his shortcomings, which invisibly makes the child feel that he can do nothing and no one appreciates him.
For example, studying is not good, looks are not good, communication is not good, doing housework is not good, and let his family suffer for him.
Over time, children will feel that their parents are not satisfied with themselves and gradually become estranged from their parents.
08
Don't be patient with your child's questions
Curiosity is human nature, especially in childhood, and curiosity is particularly heavy.
However, many parents do not pay attention to their children's problems and do not become the first teacher in their children's lives.
Some parents are annoyed with their children and send their children away with two words.
The child may still be very young, but he can also feel the attitude of his parents, and the coldness of the parents will make the child think that he should not ask questions, or should not ask such questions, so that he has lost confidence in his own ability.
If parents do not have time to answer their children at that time, they should first affirm their children's questions.
Then explain to the child that he is really not available now, and promise the child to answer the child's questions at a certain time.
It is not difficult to see from the above eight things that children are afraid of their parents do, and that a good parent and a good family in the minds of children should have an atmosphere of friendship, ease, tolerance, democracy and liveliness.
Instead, their biggest headache is the cold, tense, dull, domineering, lifeless family.