"How to Say Children Will Listen, How to Listen to Children To Speak" will help you learn a magical language that makes children obedient, and this love language makes it easy for children to accept your requests and advice.
Tens of millions of parents around the world have demonstrated with their own hands-on experience that the methods provided in the book are very effective. The book sold more than 3 million copies in the United States and was translated into more than 30 languages to take the world by storm.
Parents and experts around the world enthusiastically praise the two authors, and the language they have developed in their long-term practice is so effective that it can indeed alleviate the tension between children of all ages and parents, end the conflict between parents and children, and bring cooperation between parents and children.
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally renowned parent-child communication experts and authors of the best-selling parenting book series in the United States.
They are the founders of the New School of Social Studies in New York City and the Family Life Institute at Long Island University. This book is a summary of research that they have been experimenting with their parents for a long time in the schools and research institutes they founded.
Tens of millions of parents around the world today have proven these methods to be very effective with their own practice. In addition to frequent speaking across the United States and Canada, they regularly appear on popular TV shows such as Good Morning America and Oprah.
Farber and Mazlisch, both mothers of three, have been included in the Who's Who in America.
01
When your child is unhappy, you should first listen to what your child is saying.
When a child is unhappy, it is even more unhappy to be denied or ignored. At this time, even if the parents provide the right solution, it will not be effective.
You should first listen to what the child is saying, even if it is a simple "oh" or "um", the child can feel heard and respected.
Saying how your child feels will make him feel understood and will also help him learn to express his feelings.
When a child hears his parents say how he feels, he is more willing to listen, and heuristic questions can help the child solve the problem.
If it is a problem that cannot be solved, you can try to solve it in a fantasy way, and the child will appreciate you.
For example, there is a dialogue in the book:
Kid: Dad, my toy rabbit made of plasticine is broken!
Dad: Oh, so you're a little sad aren't you?
Child: Yes, I had a hard time pinching out one ear.
Dad: Well, pinching your ears is really not an easy task, so how about we try to fix it together? How do you say we fix it?
Or: I guess you must want to learn a spell to make the rabbit ears come out again, right?
Child: Yes.
Dad: Okay, let's play the game of mantras!
When it is necessary to stop the child's behavior, it is still possible to accept the child's feelings. First think about why he did this from the child's point of view, and the parent's anger can also be eliminated a lot.
Children are not robots, not the object of remote control command of parents, have their own thoughts and opinions, learn to listen carefully to children's ideas, and accept understanding.
Sometimes it is they who know the children best, not the parents, and we should not bind the children with the old ideas.
Listen carefully to the child's ideas and try to implement them, so that the child feels that the parents respect themselves, and do not use the majesty of the parents to deceive the small, and the children will happily accept the good advice of the parents.
02
For everyone, accepting punishment is a compulsory lesson in life.
The world of children is unruly and cluttered. It will drive adults crazy. Moreover, children never follow the rules. I don't want to be controlled.
And the adult world is about order, when, what to do, what not to do. Where is the right thing to do. These are all for children who do not understand and are not interested.
The task for adults is to teach children to understand the rules of the world. Of course, if you tell the child, if you don't listen, it is a relatively simple and economical, practical and efficient way to guide it through the pain of flesh and skin. Sticks are an effective weapon for order-building.
Punishment is effective: it certainly allows the punished person to associate a certain rule with the preferences of the giver. It will make the educated person more obedient to some extent.
Although, this practice does not take into account the child's feelings at all.
From the eyes of adults, I don't care if you are natural or deliberately making trouble in order to attract attention. I didn't bother to think about why you would do that. Am I not more experienced and wiser than you are, and can't I always point it out to you?
I'll help you get a good result, so don't question my workaround.
Therefore, for parents and teachers, for punishing students, there is generally a wide market: I am good to you, so no matter what I do to you, you first endure. It may not be useful, nor will it be too harmful.
Obviously, this may not be a good solution, but it must be a simple solution, a plan without too much psychological burden. Since so many people do this. Even if you make a mistake, it is easy to understand and forgive.
In this mode of behavior, most people will succumb to a grudging plan rather than a better one.
Because, between the educated and the educated, the educated are vulnerable. They are like Sun Monkeys, with a tight curse on their heads, and the educator is the Tang monk.
The educated understand: don't talk to your own leadership theory. Theory is useless.
If it is inconsistent with the leader's view, it is useless. The path that the leader has chosen for you is your scope.
Crossing the line is punishable.
The purpose of punishment is to correct the mistake and achieve the right. As a result, most of them are used as a tool for discipline, and eventually become a tool for depriving the mind, leading to deviations from the goal. Punishment becomes a tool of silence.
03
Feelings are not right or wrong, they can be accepted, but they also have to draw boundaries.
For example, two children grabbed toys, did not rob the younger brother, the brother was very angry, began to sit on the ground and cry loudly, and reached out to give the younger brother two slaps, so the younger brother also began to cry.
At this time you can say to your brother, I know it is sad that you did not get the toy, you can tell your mother how you feel with your mouth, but you can't hit people with your hands.
Set boundaries for your child, understand how he feels, and let him know that not all behavior will be supported.
How to face your child's message emotions? First, acknowledging and accepting their feelings is paramount.
Second, we are different individuals from our children and cannot substitute our feelings for their feelings. Again, don't judge, feel that there is no right or wrong, can be accepted, but have boundaries.
When the child feels accepted, he has the courage to face it. Finally, the four ways to help children face feelings have to listen attentively, identify with the child's feelings with "oh", "um", "I know", etc., guide the child to express it in appropriate words, and use imagination to meet the child's wishes.
If something goes wrong, don't punish them with a lifetime of anger, which will not only create confrontational emotions but also deprive them of their own process of reflecting on their wrong behavior.
Use other methods instead of punishment, do not treat the child as a troublemaker, but as a problem solver, and use the game to fight monsters and upgrade the office to lead the child to do it together.
The book also introduces seven alternatives to punishment, including coming up with an idea to get the child to help, expressing strong dissatisfaction, clarifying your expectations, pointing out remedies for the child, giving the child the right to choose and take action, and letting the child experience adverse consequences. There are also effective methods that parents can use when they are not changing.
Ultimately, parents are all about making their children an independent person.
In this process, do not look at the eyes of the body, let the child experience the feelings in the process of the problem, learn from the mistakes, and constantly encourage the children to grow themselves.
05
We can do it better, a little better.
"How to say that children will listen, how to listen to children will speak?" It gives us the opportunity to re-understand education, which is not only an excellent family education manual, but also a mental cognitive journey.
Children are sometimes a mirror of our past.
Let's see where improvement and positive remediation are needed. In places where schooling cannot cover them, parents do need new wisdom.
From this generation onwards, let us cut off the rough, violent, pedantic and useless things in education!
We can do it better, a little better.
Click "Watching" and encourage the parents.
END