This is the content of today's "Home Intervention Talk"
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"Home Intervention Talk", No. 5
Xiao Mo's mother connected to the big coffee Luo Yikai,
Take you through "What are the steps of family-centered interventions?" ”
(Listen to the link to see the poster at the end of the article)
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Why is home intervention so important?
Home interventions are functional
The first reason why home interventions are important is that they are functional.
This is a true story in warm star home service
In our home service, we recommend that parents encourage their children to participate in as much family affairs as possible, such as helping their mothers collect clothes, throwing garbage, wiping the table and other small things within their ability. However, in the later online return visit, parents reported that there was no more of this series of activities recently. Under questioning, parents said a lot of reasons - children are unwilling, children are too young, there is no need...
We used some questions to provoke parents to think.
Hu Wentao: Children are now taking sensory integration classes in institutions and will do various activities, so what is the purpose?
Parents: It may be necessary to practice the child to follow instructions, follow the rules, and then in the process may develop his motor ability, or his ability to carry out motor planning and behavior organization.
Hu Wentao: Parents are all right. So when children participate in family affairs, will they also practice and use these abilities? If the same can be done, then why not keep your kids engaged?
Hu Wentao: What is the essential difference between these two activities? The essential difference is that sensory integration activities only occur in a scene far from real life, while housework activities in home life are not just practicing some of the child's abilities, but are functional in themselves.
Mom: All training is ultimately about serving life. The ultimate goal of all training is to be functional, to solve life's problems. In fact, the training in the institution is formal, and these forms will eventually fall into life, so instead of training in the institution, then migrating, and then generalizing, it is better to train directly in life.
Home intervention
Has repetitive overlay
The second reason why home interventions are important is that they are repetitive and superimposed.
Hu Wentao: Living at home is uninterrupted day after day. In this process, if we establish a more benign parent-child interaction method or establish a more positive behavior habit, through the superposition of day after day, it will give children the opportunity to continue to practice and optimize. Conversely, if we have a bad way of interacting, or if we have developed a bad habit of behavior for the child. Through this day-to-day superposition, this otherwise humble problem may develop into a big problem.
Mom Xiaomo: If your home intervention method is not right, even if you are in the right way of intervention in the institution. That's still the effect of home interventions that affect children the most, because the wrong way of living at home is constantly being repeated. So when we say intensive intervention, only families can do it.
Home interventions are inclusive
The third reason why home interventions are important is inclusive.
Hu Wentao: Many times, especially in the initial stage of children's ability development. If we deal directly with people in the community and school, we may not be so accommodating to our children, and will not adjust their behavior and interaction methods according to the basis and needs of our children's ability development. But our family is different, our family is inclusive of children.
We have encountered such problems in the home service:
Parents mentioned that when children watch videos with children in kindergarten, they can't help but stand up, run around, and then laugh loudly when they see the favorite links. This actually caused interference to the kindergarten teacher, who thought that it might disrupt the overall order. Therefore, parents hope to change his performance in kindergarten.
Hu Wentao: In addition to communicating with teachers, parents also need to spend some time and energy to do some preparatory work in the family. For example, parents can think about it first; there will be this kind of performance when watching videos in kindergarten, so will there be similar performances at home? Is it possible to start with the family and do some preparatory work first?
Then parents may accumulate some successful experience in the process of intervention at home, so when you go to communicate with the kindergarten teacher, the parents will know what difficulties the teacher may encounter and can provide more effective advice to the teacher. As a result, teachers can also have a successful experience.
Therefore, parents may not be able to go directly to the kindergarten to practice, but in the home environment, the family will have greater tolerance for the child, and it is also an advantage and importance of home intervention to adjust for his development.
Xiaomo Mom: Yes, so we have some problems in school, in fact, we can go back home to continue to do drills, continue to practice repeatedly, so that children have more opportunities to gain new cognition, new skills. Parents use their own successful experience to help and support teachers, and provide effective interventions for teachers.
Effects of home interventions
Long-lasting
The last reason why home interventions are important is their persistence.
Hu Wentao: What does it mean to be long-lasting? In fact, not only is the effect of home intervention long-lasting, a person grows up, especially in childhood, many things that happen in the family will have a long-term impact on his life.
Hu Wentao: Take myself. I was very introverted when I was a child, and all my family evaluated me as a child who didn't like to talk, didn't know how to be polite, and couldn't deal with people. This series of evaluations actually had a profound impact on my young mind at that time, so that I am still lacking confidence in socializing with people.
Hu Wentao: Therefore, family influence has long-term characteristics and will have an impact on children's lives. We all say that a good childhood heals a lifetime, and an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime of healing. This is true of ordinary children, and so is special children, who are first and foremost an ordinary child, and secondly he has some extra, needs support, and has some special needs. He also pursues a sense of value and a sense of belonging, and these senses of value and belonging first come from the family, and the family is his most core force.
What a bad home is like
Good home interventions are similar, and bad home interventions are different.
Next up is a real-world example from the home service:
Parents who blame each other
Children who don't want to go home and lie on the sidewalk
Hu Wentao: I have a particularly impressive scene where the mother takes the child out to play. The mother said it was time to go home, but the child still wanted to go to the front to play. So there's a conflict between the mother and the child – the child is lying on the sidewalk, and the mother is trying to take him home.
Finally, the mother had no choice but to call the child's father: "Your son is lying on the road and does not come home, you come and get him away!" ”
This was the first time I'd seen this deep interaction between Dad and Mom, so I wanted to wait and see what Dad would do.
What was the first sentence after Dad came to the scene? He said, "Can't you do this little thing well?" ”
When my mother heard this, she quarreled with my father: Then why don't you bring your own children? Why let me bring children and the like.
So in fact, what kind of interaction mode do we see in this process? That is, when the child has some problems, or when the child needs help and needs our further support, the parents are not able to form a cooperative state. Instead, they may blame each other and tear each other down in the process. That is definitely not conducive to the benign growth of children, and even some subtle demonstrations have been made for children in this process.
The main target of home intervention is the child, and we want the child to change. But throughout the service process, we also spend a lot of energy to pay attention to the interpersonal environment in the family where the child lives, such as how the family communicates with each other.
Torture-style parent-child interaction
My kids initiate interactions that ask questions
Hu Wentao: This is a phenomenon that I have seen in the process of service.
During an observation and evaluation, I found that during the family meal together, the parents were constantly initiating the topic. After reading the whole process, I found that the way parents initiate topics is regular. What regularity? He basically did it all by asking questions.
For example, during the meal, he asked the child, "What did you learn in kindergarten today?" "What kind of meal did you eat at noon in kindergarten?" "Did the teacher praise you today?"
As for the child, the first two questions were answered well, and when the third question was asked, the child was silent.
As I continued to observe the family, I found that this child was still good at what he was capable of, and he had a lot of interactions. But when he initiates the interaction, he also uses the method of asking questions.
He might ask, "What's your name and how old are you?" "Then there's no more following, no more interactive communication.
Then I presented this to the parents, and the parents were also worried, saying that we did find out, what happened?
Then we will analyze with parents: most of the ways in which children may be exposed to interaction in their life experience are the content demonstrated by parents. The interaction of the parent demonstration is to ask questions, so all he learns is to keep asking questions.
This is one of the models of parent-child interaction that we consider to be bad in home interventions.
The disconnect between learning and life
After learning to take cutlery & learn
Wentao Hu: This example is also interesting. At that time, we first saw that the children's participation in home life was not enough, and we suggested some suitable housework activities to parents based on the assessment of the child's ability, so that parents could bring their children to participate. For example, before eating, go and bring your own tableware, or wear a bib for eating, and so on.
Then when we returned to visit, we found that this goal had basically been achieved, the children participated in the preparation, meal and cleaning up after the meal very smoothly, and the parents did a very good job, only giving a small amount of assistance when necessary.
Later, after a while, we went to the family to observe and evaluate. During the observation and evaluation process, we found that when eating, many of the things that children can complete have become the work of parents.
We discussed with the parents why we didn't continue to involve our children in this part. The child's grandmother told me that on the one hand, the child was unwell and sick some time ago, so he took care of it more carefully. On the other hand, let's consider saying that he has already learned this skill, and there is no need to practice it again.
Then we believe that the purpose of you learning a certain skill is definitely not to learn this skill, but to apply this skill to life more and promote your life participation and quality of life. As Xiaomo's mother said just now, our overall goal is still to focus on the quality of life, and we will pay more attention to the impact of the skills we learn on real life.
Deprivation of growth opportunities
I don't like spicy
Hu Wentao: In the family we serve, there is such a high-functioning child. His abilities are good in all aspects, but he has a performance that makes parents more headache. Children themselves do not like to eat spicy, but also require everyone not to eat spicy. So when the family eats spicy, he will be very emotional - "Mom can't eat spicy" "Spicy is so bad, I'm going to throw spicy in the trash!"
In order to avoid the emotional breakdown of the child, the family will never eat spicy food in front of the child. It's really hungry, and I will hide at night and secretly eat.
For this child, his other abilities are very good, but his ability to interpret the mind is insufficient—for example, the inability to understand that his feelings are different from those of others.
Parents' feelings can be understood, but this way of calming things down in our view is actually depriving children of the opportunity to grow.
What a good home is like
1. Understand development
Parents should at least understand the basic laws and basic facts of child development, and at least not violate the laws and facts when getting along with children.
2. Will build the environment
Physical environment, work and rest environment, interpersonal environment (parent-child relationship, family relationship, etc.)
A basic thinking in our service process is called system thinking, that is, when children grow up in life, they are affected by various factors in the surrounding environment and are not an independent existence.
Then what we call the home environment is also like this, if the family can build a benign environment for the growth of the child, it will have a very great role in promoting the growth of the child, and it is not difficult.
The home environment is roughly divided into three areas:
One is the physical environment of the home, which is what we understand, the layout of the entire family environment, functional partitioning, and the attribution of items. The other is the home schedule, that is to say, the daily home activity arrangement, the entire work and rest time, etc.
The last one is the construction of the interpersonal environment, which is a more difficult and complex environment. For example, the relationship between parents, how parents deal with the relationship between siblings, the relationship between children and the elderly, and so on.
3. Can give opportunities
On the one hand, the opportunity to be given means that the child has the opportunity to participate in a rich and powerful home activity; the other is the opportunity for the child to encounter difficulties in participating in the activities and solve the difficulties.
Parents should think: In the process of living at home, have you captured and used these opportunities that can promote the further development of their children?
If the two aspects can be done in place, then the home environment is a rich small classroom, a rich small society, which can promote the development of children in all aspects.
4. Teach well
If parents become teachers, parents need to establish this positive parent-child relationship with their children on the one hand. At the same time, he also has to establish a judgmental teacher-student relationship with the child, which is a chaotic role, which is actually very unhealthy for both the child and the parent.
We do not want to turn parents into intervention experts, but to say that when children need it, parents can master some basic teaching methods within their ability, and can follow some basic teaching principles (such as: reinforcement, shaping, assisting, etc.), which is enough in life. If you still have problems that you can't solve on your own, you can look for some external support.
5. Have fun
In a home environment, we will definitely have leisure time, which is a very important part of life at home. Children may play independently, or we adults may join the children's games, or invite children to play with us adults.
Play it, in fact, there is a lot of content, then we just introduce this framework to you today, and then we have the opportunity to continue to talk.
6. Problem response
In home intervention, parents can solve problems relatively smoothly.
For example, if the child has emotions, cannot understand something, or has any conflict between hands and siblings, parents can solve these problems more smoothly.
7. Community preparation
In fact, community preparation was also mentioned earlier, referring to some processes, some content, and some results of home intervention, which can prepare children for further participation in community life. (e.g. participation in activities in public places in kindergartens, schools, and communities)
We believe that home intervention should take this into account, not only to take into account the child's performance in family life, but also to prepare him to go out of the house and participate in community life.
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