Harvard University research shows that people have two kinds of developmental needs, one is intimacy, mainly from the mother; the other is independence, from the strength and security given by the father.
When I was a child, the closest place to the sky was my father's shoulder, which supported the first vast world in my child's life. If the father is not the hero in his mind, the child will lack the most important guide in life, the most admired idol, and thus the courage, exploration and creativity.
Some things in family education must be done by the father!
1, the father is the child's first superhero
Once, a father in Hangzhou, Bao Jianguo, became an enviable "father of other people's families".
Bao Jianguo is a Marvel fan, handmade a lot of Marvel armor, and usually makes props with children. His daughter told her classmates at school that "my dad is Iron Man," but was ridiculed by her classmates as a liar.
After Bao Jianguo knew, he domineeringly wore a homemade Iron Man armor to the school, causing a sensation, and the principal also suspended classes to let the children of each class take turns to take photos with "Iron Man".
His daughter stood proudly next to her father, took his hand, and said " This is my father " when she saw someone. Bao Jianguo said in the video: "I want to be a superhero in their minds and grow up with them."
For children, the first superhero they see in their lives is their father.
2, the father is the courage of the child to pursue the dream
If you ask me, which movie has been watched the most times? I would say without hesitation: "When Happiness Comes Knocking." The father figure of Will Smith satisfies almost all our desires for a good father.
What was his life like?
Destitute, poor sales, lost instruments, frozen accounts, divorced by his wife, living on the streets... Nothing but a 5-year-old son and an optimistic and brave heart.
In the face of such a bumpy and difficult life, he always believes that tomorrow will be better, and he is knocked down by life again and again, and he is full of hope and rejuvenation again and again.
After being evicted by the landlord, his son asked why he didn't go home, but Chris smiled and played a game with his son: "We can reach ancient times through this time machine!" ”
Then, the father and son were chased by the "dinosaurs" and fled into the "cave", which was actually the men's toilet of the subway station. His son fell asleep contentedly, and Chris leaned back against the cold wall, shedding tears of hardship in the real world.
They were forced to go to a shelter where he studied and sold instruments while interning hard at a securities company with no salary and little chance of regularization. But he always firmly believes that the reality is no longer unbearable, as long as you work hard enough, happiness will knock at the door.
As he told his son: If you have a dream, defend it; don't let others tell you that you can't become talented!
In the end, Chris saved the whole world of father and son with optimism and tenacity.
The son told him: You are a good father.
Yes, he is a good father, a hero in the heart of the child, he personally taught the child how to laugh at life, how to stick to the dream.
3, the father is the child's guide to the world
Psychologist Gerdy said: "The appearance of the father is a unique existence, which has a special power to cultivate children. ”
In the child's childhood growth, they observe from the father, the child is what is a man, what is a husband, what is a father, and at the same time will think about what is independent and brave.
The father is the child's superhero, the father is the courage of the child to pursue the dream world, and the father is the guide for the child to go to the world. Psychological research has shown that in parent-child relationship education, the following seven things must be done by dad.
Love your wife
Dad's attitude toward his wife is actually the boy's attitude toward his future wife.
The father scolded his wife, the little boy looked in the eyes, heard a lot, and when he grew up and had a conflict with his wife, when he did not know how to do it, he would subconsciously raise his fist. Because in his subconscious, he thinks it's a way to resolve marital conflicts.
The little girl will doubt her own value as a woman, doubt that she is not worthy of love, and when she meets a scumbag in the future, she will not take the initiative to avoid it, and even think that this is normal.
On the contrary, the father loves and respects and pities the mother, and the daughter will recognize her female role in the eyes, thinking that she is also worthy of love, and will stay away from the future when she encounters men who do not respect and pity themselves.
Exercise with your child
Babies feel different from the age of 5 months.
When Dad hugged him, he had begun to marvel at Dad's might, because Dad lifted him high and stretched his limbs. So, the father is the best coach for the child.
From the beginning of the lifting, the father will accompany the child to do sports. Dad and mom are different, the nature of women determines that she rarely takes children to participate in adventurous activities, and dad can teach children brave and cheerful exploration spirit through sports.
Moreover, with the father to accompany the child to exercise, play, the father's strong arm will give the child a sense of security, the child's psychology will be healthier, whether it is a child or grow up, in the face of setbacks or challenges, will be more secure, more positive and brave.
Let your child win once
Whether it's a board game, a run, or something else, Dad must let his child win once. Even, let the child win once every once in a while.
In every child's heart, the father is a hero and is very powerful. If they win dad once in the game, they will be particularly proud and build up the confidence that as long as they work hard, they will be great and beat everything.
With such self-confidence, children are willing to try anything they encounter. Compared with children who do not even dare to try, of course, it is easier to succeed, form positive feedback, and children will become better and better.
Talk about gender
Psychological research shows that dad represents society's rules and requirements for individuals, and mom represents the warmth of the family. The gender thing, talked about by the father, is more convincing to the child, and the father's sentence is more than a hundred sentences of the top mother.
If it is a boy, tell the child that we are all men, unlike girls, and our mission is to take care of the family and protect the weak. If it is a girl, tell the child that your gender is different from mine, and you want to be like a mother, a warm, excellent, and protective woman.
Give your child a hug
Psychology once did an experiment that counted the feelings of thousands of harvard students, and concluded that hugs from dads brought much more affirmation and shock than from moms.
Whether adults or children, there is skin hunger and thirst, which has long been the consensus of psychology. Chinese dads don't like to say love, so hug it, your hug is more useful than the one from your mother.
Share an experience of your own failure
Don't be afraid that the child will look down on himself, the child knows that the father has also failed, will love the father more, and will be braver and stronger in the face of setbacks and challenges. Through such sharing, the relationship between the child and the father will be closer, and your heart will be closer.
Children will grow into a person who faces himself honestly, can accept setbacks, and strives for success, and will unconsciously become sunny and cheerful, willing to share secrets with you. Instead of being a child who reports good news but no worries after school, pretends to be strong, but is actually weak, and you drift away.
Experience professional life with children
In general, mothers appear more family-oriented and fathers are more socialized. In the child's road to society, the father's advantage may be greater than that of the mother, and naturally more opportunities should be created for the child to actively expand the experience opportunities, stimulate the child's career dreams, and choose a life path suitable for himself.
A driver father in Xinjiang took advantage of the winter and summer vacations to take his children to run long distances, brave the wind and snow, cross the Tianshan Mountains, and talk about life in combination with hardships and hardships, leaving a lifelong impression on the children. The three children were not only admitted to the doctorate, but also agreed with each other not to have a penny at home, but to study on their own part-time work and scholarships.
Therefore, as a father, you must take on your own responsibility as a father and support a bright future for your children.
Please take the time to brush your mobile phone and watch TV to enrich yourself, accompany your children, and become a role model and pride for your children.
Please cherish your child's opportunity to treat you as a superhero, once in a lifetime, only once.
Please don't be the following seven kinds of dads!
● Sorted in order of lethality from smallest to largest
Seventh Place: Smoking Dad
When dads are enjoying the joy of swallowing clouds and spitting mist, have they ever thought that cigarettes will produce more than 3,000 compounds after burning, most of which are harmful to physical health?
Ever thought that this happiness is based on the pain of the family, at the expense of the health of the child? Have you ever thought that in a smoky family environment, unconsciously, children become "second-hand smokers"?
Smoking is not only harmful to smokers, but also to the children around them:
Dad smokes often, and children will be prone to bronchitis and pneumonia, and the incidence is directly proportional to the degree of smoking in dad.
The chemicals released when cigarettes burn can increase the sensitivity of your child's respiratory mucosa and increase the incidence of asthma.
If the father smokes when the child eats, it is easy to affect the child's appetite and induce the child to be anorexic.
In addition, it also causes harm to children's learning ability, affecting reading, reasoning and mathematics. Because the codine produced by nicotine after the body is divided in the body will make the child's average score in reading, math and reasoning lower and lower.
Recommendation: For the sake of their children's health and future, fathers must reduce the number of smoking, or even quit smoking addiction, and create a smoke-free family environment for their children. Even if you can't quit smoking, you must not smoke in front of your child.
Sixth place: The overly controlling dad
Some dads are too macho and too controlling. Whatever it is, it is up to you to decide and do not respect the child's ideas.
Dad's desire to control is too strong, depriving children of the opportunity to express themselves and express their own views, which will make children have the psychology of "I will not", "I can't do" and "I am not good", resulting in self-doubt and cowardice.
A father who is too controlling will be too majestic, invisibly putting pressure on the child and adversely affecting the intimate relationship between the father and the child.
As children grow, fathers will increasingly become models and benchmarks for boys. The dictatorial dictatorship of the father will form in the boy's mind the impression that the man and the father are the dictator. Thus copying himself as a copy of his father.
Suggestion: Dad should learn to let go and give the child the opportunity to express himself; accept the child, allow the child to do what he likes at his own pace, in the process, let the child show his ability, and tap the potential ability.
Fifth place: The father whose mobile phone does not leave his hand
Dads are busy at work, busier after work, and "Ge You" is lying on the sofa like Tarzan, and the mobile phone is not left. His wife asked him to help with housework, and the children pestered him to play games, never lifting his eyelids and refusing to move the place for half a day. You also have to bring your mobile phone to the toilet, and stay in the toilet for half an hour. In short, mobile phones are more pro than children!
The father ignores the child because of the mobile phone, which is undoubtedly a kind of cold violence, and the child will feel that the father is perfunctory, and naturally does not want to communicate with him. Parent-child communication is hindered, and the child's personality will become withdrawn and autistic.
Many of the behaviors of children imitate their parents. If the father plays in front of the child with the mobile phone all day long, the child will naturally learn from it. Children's self-control is relatively poor, and access to mobile phones will naturally be addictive, which is particularly detrimental to children's vision, interpersonal communication and learning.
Most importantly, the father is intoxicated with the mobile phone and ignores the child, which will make the child feel that he is not valued, and even the child will feel that the father does not love me, and he does not have the importance of the mobile phone. In this case, the child will become very irritable, and even think of ways to work against the parents, so as to win the attention of the parents. If the parents do not know the situation and scold the child, the child will feel more aggrieved, and the parent-child relationship will also be estranged.
Tip: Put down the phone, don't let the child have the desperate feeling of "the farthest distance in the world is that I am around you, but you are playing with the phone".
Fourth place: Grumpy Dad
Children are the shadows of their parents. Children are very good at learning through imitation. If the father is grumpy, beats at every turn, and scolds at every turn, then the child is likely to be likely to be like this, even deeper.
When the father encounters something unpleasant, he will lose his temper, so when the child encounters a similar situation in the future, he will take the same method to vent.
Of course, there is another situation, that is, there are two extremes in the personalities of fathers and children. The father is violent and irritable, and the child will form a humble and cowardly character in fear, becoming less and less lively, less and less like to talk, which is not conducive to the establishment of self-confidence. In the long run, psychological development is not sound, and if the situation is serious, it will cause psychological shadows and even trauma.
Suggestion: Grumpy fathers must restrain their emotions, learn to solve problems with communication and patience, rather than being grumpy at every turn, and pass on a positive energy to their children, which is a priceless wealth for the growth of children.
Third place: The dishonest dad
Before the age of 10, the father is the heaven in the eyes of the child, worshiping and trusting from the bottom of the heart, and every word of the father is like a holy will to the child.
However, many fathers always use time constraints and busy work as excuses to excuse their children for untrustworthiness, or directly use coaxing to prevaricate their children, thinking that their children are small, and they will casually make up a perfunctory reason.
The child wants to have dinner with the father, the father always answers "tomorrow", but after each "tomorrow" comes, there is always a pair of dishes and chopsticks on the table; the child wants the whole family to go to the amusement park to play, the father promises to "go next weekend", but every time the child packs up and leaves with enthusiasm, the father is always missing.
More importantly, the father's repeated untrustworthiness will make the child develop a bad habit of not being trustworthy to others, which will directly affect the quality and future of the child.
Tip: Ask every dad to take the commitment to give their child seriously, and if you can't do it, then don't make a promise.
Because your untrustworthiness not only loses the child's trust in you, but also has a sense of panic about the child's psychology, even the most trusted father does not count, who else can you trust in this world?
Second place: The missing dad
Chinese families have always had a misunderstanding, "male outside, female inside". In family education, dads always act as "hand-throwing treasurers" and throwing their children to their mothers.
Fathers cannot be absent from homeschooling, especially before the child reaches the age of 12. If the father is not highly involved in the child's growth process, the boy is easily lacking masculinity and becomes a bit "mother", while the girl will invisibly assume a part of the male role, like a female man.
Children are very simple, they think that dad loves me, will be like mom loves me, spend time with me, dad does not often accompany me, that is not love me.
Recommendation: Dads must participate in their children's education, communicate with their children at least twice a week, and understand the joys and troubles in their lives. Sometimes it is also advisable to reduce some unnecessary socializing, exercise or travel with your family once a week, and increase the opportunities to communicate with your children and family.
When you can't accompany your child, you often communicate with your child through weChat by phone, listen to your child, express appreciation and love to your child, and let your child feel that you always put him in your heart.
Number one: The dad who makes mom angry
The best love a father can give to his child is to love the child's mother.
In the child's mind, the father is often a symbol of strength and strength. As the protector of the child, the father should give the child a safe home, and the child's greatest sense of security comes from seeing the parents love each other, especially the father loves the mother. Moreover, the father uses actions to demonstrate love for the child, and the child can learn from the parents what love is and how to love from an early age.
If the father often quarrels with the mother, it will cause the child to be afraid and emotionally unstable. In the long run, problem behaviors and psychological imbalances are prone.
If a child often sees his mother crying sadly, he will try to comfort his mother with his limited understanding. When the mother's mood improves, the child will make the mother happy as his responsibility and take on the role of father in the family. However, if the child does not have such mature knowledge and psychological endurance, various psychological problems will occur.
Suggestion: Dad needs to maintain good and intimate communication with mom, understand the hard work of his wife raising children and running the family, and express gratitude and praise for his wife. When children see it in their eyes, they will naturally feel that their hearts are blossoming and they are living a very happy life.
Fathers love their children's mothers with their hearts, not only can make children feel love, but also make mothers feel happy in their hearts, so that such a family will raise healthy and happy children.
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