Curated, written / 47
Vision / Ivan
Illustration / Moenne
Editors / KY Creators
Hello everyone, I am the first handsome cub of KY media department 47. Recently, a good brother sent me for help late at night:
Harm, such a miserable little guy. However, I suspect that many people may have clashed with their current people about past emotional experiences. so
Let's talk about this topic with you today.
First of all
Please don't question it
Partners need to be honest with each other about this!
This is very important for intimate relationships!!
Being honest with each other is not only the cornerstone of two people building trust (Goldsmith, 2014), but also determines whether the relationship between two people can be stable and long-lasting.
It can be said that between intimate partners, if one party finds that there is a lie, the uncertainty of the relationship increases (Planalp & Honeycutt, 1988), such as a crisis of trust, a decline in intimacy, and even a breakdown of the relationship.
Moreover, honesty requires self-exposure, which can enhance the intimacy of the two (Sprecher & Hendrick, 2004) and increase the satisfaction of both parties with the relationship.
It's risky to spread out your fragile side and past that you don't want to mention to others. If a person is willing to take such a risk, it is a manifestation of trust and love. Moreover, only under the premise of honesty can the two sides see the real one and thus establish a deep, real connection.
But......
Doesn't everything need to be confessed?
Not really.
Don't worry, at least quite a few people think so.
While many people think that good intimacy means we have to share everything with our partner, it's not always the right choice. Why?
1) "True information" may itself bring harm to the other party.
At any time, in any situation, 100% truth can convey a negative or unpleasant message.
These observations may really be true. However, when we hear these words from close people, we still feel hurt and even self-esteem levels are affected.
2) Sometimes, white lies can actually promote intimacy.
In some cases, proper lies not only avoid conflict, but also boost trust and intimacy.
Levine and Schweitzer (2014) invited 300 participants to participate in a coin toss experiment.
The experimental rules are as follows:
It can be seen that people's views on another person are not simply compromised by lies; on the contrary, people may feel goodwill from lies and feel that they are "being maintained", thus deepening their feelings for each other.
3) A certain degree of fantasy and beautification is necessary to increase the satisfaction of both parties with the relationship.
In intimate relationships, proper fantasy is necessary. Studies have shown that the degree to which people retain positive fantasies about their partners and relationships is positively correlated with their satisfaction with their relationships (Murray & Holmes, 1993).
In the relationship, one of the sources of positive fantasies about each other is precisely the concealment or even deception of some information.
100% honesty may break the other person's positive illusions about the existence of the partner and the relationship itself, which in turn will affect their sense of belief in the relationship and involve more problems.
So, how to judge what to say,
What shouldn't be said?
Vary. Please analyze the specific situation!!
Even the same problem, placed in different intimate relationships, placed on different people, may have completely different operations. Whether or not a question should be asked depends on many considerations.
How to judge? Please refer to the flowchart below for analysis (!!! The following information is for reference only!!! ）
At last! If you're still struggling with what you're saying or not saying after this little process, you can pay attention to your own physical reactions (Slepian & Masicampo, 2019).
If your blood pressure rises, blinks faster, breathes heavier, or sweats more, it may be your body reminding you that you should be brave enough to tell the truth.
Seeing this, it seems that you are confident? Don't worry, what exactly should be said and what should not be said? For some of the more sensitive topics, what is the better way to say it? Let's take a few tests together
Of course, although we have discussed in detail the reasonableness of honesty in intimate relationships here, although there are also studies that confirm that sometimes white lies and concealment measures can effectively increase the satisfaction of both parties with the relationship...
But, as Katlyn and Alan (2006) made at the end of their study, while lying in order not to hurt a partner may be a sweet choice, as the old saying goes, maybe honesty is the ultimate romance.
above.
Today's Interaction: Have you ever suffered a loss because of "overly honesty"? Where do you think the "scale of honesty" between partners is? Come and share your stories and opinions in the comments section!