There is a sentence like this:
"Today's parents, it's not that they don't love their children, they don't know how to love their children."
Some parents, for the sake of their children, can give all their property;
Some parents, for the sake of their children, are willing to dedicate their lives...
Raising children seems to be the process of life providing for life, magnificent and great, but in fact it is the nourishment that penetrates into the details of life.
In the process of raising children, there are "eight golden time periods", which are easily ignored by parents, but are crucial to the growth of children.
1
Parents' patience when getting up
When a child gets up, it is something that must be experienced every day.
Children's bed and getting up have always been the "contests" that many parents and children must experience every day: some parents take the "violent style", a few "full name" yells, with the urge of "getting up soon, I want to be late"; some parents use the "gentle style", pull the child's ears, and keep shouting "get up, go to school"; some parents have a relatively strong "art" atmosphere, tune the music to the loudest, and the child gets up irritably in a rumbling sound.
Some scientists have proposed a concept called "sleep inertia", which refers to: a temporary state of low alertness, confusion, behavioral disorders and cognitive and sensory abilities that occur immediately after people are awakened.
In short, when you get up, the lazy bed and the gas that appears are human instincts.
The day's plan lies in the morning.
The mood when you wake up determines the state of the day.
In zhihu, there is a survey on "getting up gas", some netizens said: "Getting up can make me black face all day, change the pattern to find out the opportunity of qi, who provokes me who is unlucky." ”
Hope that the child gets up smoothly, while developing a good life, parents can also use a little trick, such as:
Wake up your child 10 minutes in advance every day, give your child time to lazy bed and buffer, and don't worry about being late and anxious;
First help the child open the curtains, let the light slowly wake up the child, and then gently rub the child's body to help the body wake up.
Use a good morning to open up a happy day for your child.
2
Parents' practices when learning
Recently, the community has been "statically managed", with adults shutting down work and children suspending school.
The father on the 8th floor said that after being a "teacher" at home for 4 days, he was more tired than the previous month's class; the mother on the 20th floor "shook hands" and accompanied the child to study and write homework, which was simply "the new top ten tortures"...
The more extraordinary the period, the more effective it is to test the family education.
The child's learning attitude is an important "assessment indicator".
"Do not write homework mother kindness filial piety, a writing homework chicken flying dog jump."
For the sake of their children's learning, parents invest financial resources and energy, but they are exhausted and unsatisfactory.
On the other hand, those children who are self-disciplined in learning, their parents, seem to have drawn a good card of "children who repay kindness", and without effort, children can learn consciously.
In fact, in the child's learning, most parents use too much force, and transfer the things that originally belonged to the children into their own responsibilities invisibly.
The concept that parents need to change is: cultivating good habits from an early age is the key to learning; giving children a quiet environment is the basis for learning; parents always maintain the consciousness of self-improvement, which is a model for children to consciously learn.
3
When bored, the company of parents
Qian Zhongshu is a very interesting person, especially in the company of children.
In the growth of his daughter Qian Yao, he is like a "little playmate": he will draw a grimace and a beard on his daughter's belly; he will also put various toys in the quilt and wait for his daughter to harvest surprises before going to bed; he will also use a large dictionary as a base, a bench as a castle wall, a leather shoe as a top, and a daughter's school bag as a monster, and build a man-made "castle" and "monster" for his daughter.
In my mind, whenever I think of such a picture, I can't help but sigh that in that era of material scarcity, there were only a few children's toys and playgrounds, but the sense of happiness was much stronger than now.
Are today's children too difficult to teach?
No.
Once the material is enriched, people will simply use the material to solve things when dealing with things, and forget the intention.
Spending money on raising children is prevalent, and too many children in modern families grow up with training classes, televisions, mobile phones, and toys.
The interaction that is hard to wait for is nothing more than the half-heartedness of "people in the camp in Han".
With the company of the heart, the child feels the attention and warmth; the material companionship, the child experiences the cold and dissatisfaction.
The high-quality companionship of parents is the luxury of education.
Seemingly full of material satisfaction, the children are increasingly lacking in inner needs.
In the process of their growth, the lack of emotional communication when their parents are accompanied, from small to large, there is no guidance to excavate the fun of life, and the only way to meet things is to fill the inner void with materials.
Life is a long road, life is never interesting, what is interesting is people themselves.
Parents are the best playmates for children.
Parents should know how to make a dull life interesting, accompany their children, discover and create the joy of life, and become people with positive attitudes and interesting thoughts.
4
Words of parents when eating
In the book "Awakening the Talent of children", it is pointed out:
"Someone has looked at what motivates children to get high scores on the learning ability test. IQ, social conditions, and economic status are all less important than a more delicate factor. That is, all the children who get the highest scores often have dinner with their parents. ”
Eating together as a family is almost something that ordinary families do every day.
However: some families, eating is a "criticism meeting", parents criticize children, husband and wife denigrate each other; some families, the dining table is the "conference table", parents make reports, children listen to cocoons; and some families, obviously a family, when eating, have become the most familiar strangers, silent...
Although in traditional education, there is a family rule of "eating without speaking", the atmosphere of a family when eating also reveals the relationship behind this family member.
In the modern family, parents go to work during the day, children go to school, parents do housework at night, children study, and the time to communicate is only a little time at the dinner table.
At this time, parents and children sit together around the table, children thank their parents for their hardships and food, parents listen to their children's experience and experience, and a bridge of understanding and respect between parents and children is set up between one meal and one meal.
If parents want to maximize the educational effect, they must learn to seize every opportunity to communicate with their children.
When eating, it is a good opportunity for parent-child communication.
Take off the cloak of your parents' loftiness, like friends, spit grievances, share gossip, listen to your heart, and draw each other closer.
5
The attitude of parents when making mistakes
In the legal documentary "Guarding the Liberation of the West", there is such a case: the younger brother took advantage of his sister's sleep and secretly transferred his sister's 20,000 yuan. The sister was angry and directly called the police. When the police arrested my brother, he was leisurely eating powder in his newly purchased clothes, and the money stolen from his sister was running out. During the interrogation, the younger brother not only did not feel that stealing his sister's money was a crime, but also generously admitted that he had stolen his parents' money many times, the most of which was 7,000 yuan.
However, every time parents know, it is only verbal education.
Yu Hongmin once said that children are good children, depending on whether their parents are good parents.
It is not terrible for children to make mistakes, what is terrible is the attitude of parents.
Things that should be carefully guided are regarded as "he is still just a child"; obviously it is only the curiosity of a child, but it is regarded as a mischievous and mischievous loser.
When a child makes a mistake, the attitude of the parents determines the child's values and self-perception.
Excellent parents can always guide their children to form a correct outlook on life and values, and lead their children to the right path.
Child psychology research points out: "Children make mistakes, which is self-exploration, but also to satisfy their short-term desires and needs. ”
This sentence should be read in two.
The growth of children is inseparable from making mistakes.
Some mistakes are growth mistakes, and they belong to the growth and exploration area. Some mistakes are cognitive temptations, which belong to the moral and cognitive area. Growing errors, parents can make big things small and help their children find a way to grow. Cognitive temptation, parents need to pay attention to, really understand the reasons behind the child's behavior, find a way to resolve, correct the child's vague cognition, and let the child embark on the right path.
6
Parental reactions when frustrated
On the road of life, unsatisfactory things, nine times out of ten.
In the growth of children, they suffer setbacks almost every day. Some are born with physical defects and family turmoil; Some are later, and toys that can't be played, problems that can't be done, snubs from children, etc., are testing children's resilience.
At this time, any parent's words "you can" and "how should you" are like boulders pouring down, pressing the child's breathlessness.
Only the power of patience and acceptance, and continuous support for children, can make children get back on their feet.
7
Parental position when being bullied
In the growth of children, they have to go through the tempering of society and human nature.
"Being bullied" is one of the most common.
But when a child leaves the family, he may be violated by the outside world: before entering school, it is toys that are robbed and the venue is encroached upon; after entering the kindergarten, it is the food that is robbed, and the teacher may be isolated; in elementary school, he is bullied and bullied by his classmates, and so on... However, what do you do when your child is first violated by the outside world? Say to the child: hit back; blame the child: why is it so useless, always being bullied; or ask the child if he is hurt; or patiently understand the reason behind it and enlighten him properly; or pull the child together and rush to the child and fight for a tit-for-tat?
In fact, when a child is deceived, how he responds depends on the position of his parents.
When a child is bullied: when you tell him to "fight back", whether you have predicted his strength and courage; when you blame him for being "useless", have you considered his inner grievances and uneasiness; you have told him that "the children are not intentional", whether they have understood the causes and consequences; you have pulled him to the other side, have you ever thought about how they will get along in the future.
The bullied child needs his parents to stand with him and be his backing, not a hard steel knife.
And parents need to tell their children with practical actions: to be a kind person, not to take the initiative to bully others, but also to have fangs that are not bullied.
It is even more important for children to feel that being bullied is not their own fault, not their own incompetence and bullying, they must go home and tell their parents, and their parents will firmly support themselves.
Regarding education, there is a saying that more than 90% of the parents' efforts are useless.
Isn't it particularly heartfelt?
When the mother for many years, has been reflecting, in the end what to do, in order to let the child become a relatively complete person?
Material giving satisfies only momentary joy; the joy of a lifetime needs to permeate the filling of life.
Gentleness in the morning, listening between meals; mutual reinforcement when learning, fun when bored; guidance when making mistakes, patience when frustrated, and support when cheated.
What children desire is always the parents' careful vision, respect, patience and understanding.
Article source| Satya parenting
WeChat editor | Song Jiaxin
![When school started, a teacher's mother gave parents a 4-piece set of "saving your life", and the sentence is the truth![fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)