Wen | condensed mother's understanding
In the era when we were in school, we had never heard of the word "depression", and we had hardly heard of things such as taking a break from school, running away from home, and self-harm, at most, some students studied particularly hard and self-pressurized, resulting in "neurasthenia".
Now the words "children's depression" are often seen, and since 2011, the Ministry of Education has also included depression screening into student physical examinations, and the degree of attention is very high.
The "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)" pointed out that in 2020, the detection rate of depression among adolescents in mainland China was 24.6%, and on average, 1 out of every 5 children was depressed, which was quite high.
Why are the living conditions so good now, children are held up as pearls in the palm of their hands, and they are still depressed? Let those of us who have come here cannot understand.
In fact, it is still because the parenting style of parents has changed now, it seems that everything is for the good of the child, but it just hurts the child.
Your child is not exercising enough
Professor Li Meijin mentioned that if children lack exercise, their nerves will not be excited, and they will be prone to problems without excitement. In puberty, the endocrine system of puberty can also affect the nervous system, and the movement of puberty is very important.
Exercise can promote the secretion of dopamine, dopamine is a happy substance, if less exercise, less dopamine secretion, the child does not have a "good mood".
When we were young, although we did not have tall sports venues and sports, we did not exercise a lot.
When I went to school, I exercised vigorously every time for 10 minutes between classes, kicking keys, jumping rope, hopscotch, throwing sandbags, etc., all kinds of sports games, and having fun. After school, all kinds of crazy running, doing housework, doing farm work, the amount of activities is very large.
It is very important that when we carry out these exercises, we like it from the bottom of our hearts and harvest the joy of unity of body and mind.
Today's children, the amount of exercise is much less.
When I go to school, I only exercise in physical education class and between classes, and I basically move in the classroom between classes. After school, he was taken home by his parents to write homework, watch cartoons, or wander between interest classes.
Parents also understand the importance of sports and give their children various sports training classes, such as football, basketball, swimming and so on. But these projects are not carried out every day, once a week, for about 2 hours each time.
And it is not necessarily a project that children really like, but parents feel good, watch other children are learning, and make the name of the main newspaper for their children.
The length of exercise and the child's mentality are not enough to promote the secretion of more dopamine, and the child's energy cannot be fully released.
Children are losing touch with nature
Super Self-Control: 65 Lessons on Controlling Emotions and Mindsets mentions that many things in nature have excellent healing effects on bad emotions.
Psychologist Stephen Kepler once did an experiment in which two groups of people worked in different environments, and a group of people with lawns and trees outside the window worked more enthusiastically and efficiently, and rarely had negative emotions of anxiety and impatience.
When we take our children out to play, a wildflower, a small bird, and a small mound will make the children very excited and dancing. When children play with toys at home for a day, there is a lot less light in their eyes and they look very irritable.
When we were young, our parents used the method of free-range, and we were free to be in nature. Play with mud, dive into puddles, pick wildflowers, catch knowledge, dig sweet potatoes, and experience the growth process of plants such as sowing, watering, and harvesting, immersing yourself in nature.
Today's children, such opportunities are very few, many parents think that the child's previous "blind play" is useless, not only waste time, but also dirty on the body, it is better to draw, write, play with toys, and puzzle effect.
Experiencing plant growth is a more luxurious activity, some because there are no conditions, some are conditional and do not allow children to participate, and children lose valuable opportunities for experience.
There are also the sports mentioned above, so that children are imprisoned in a limited field illuminated by lights, can not be in contact with nature, can not breathe fresh air, can not see the blue sky and white clouds, can not listen to the sounds of nature, but also limit the child to release more emotions.
Children suffer too little
There is a concept called "desensitization", that is, to expose children to some bad things, slowly adapt, and then encounter similar problems, they will not be knocked down.
If the child has suffered some hardships when he was a child, experienced some setbacks, carried over, grown up, encountered some difficulties, and will also find a way to solve them, I believe that hope is ahead, will not accumulate into a disease, self-abandonment.
When we were young, our living conditions were relatively poor. There is no heating in winter and no air conditioning in summer. There is no one to pick up and drop off at school, they all walk or ride bicycles by themselves, whether it is a few miles or tens of kilometers. Compared with the current life, I know that comfort and ease are not easy to come by, and I especially cherish it.
We also experience setbacks, but we usually solve them on our own, and most of our parents do not take the initiative to help. I remember that every time I was particularly depressed, I would use this sentence to comfort myself: "The heavens will send down a great task, so that man will first suffer his heart, strain his bones, starve his body, and empty his body."
Although I did not do anything big, I survived setbacks again and again, strengthened my psychological tenacity, and now even if I am tormented by many things, I feel that as long as I don't give up, I will have hope.
Today's children are different, enjoying all kinds of rich material conditions from birth, and once they are weakened a little, they feel unbearable. For example, there is no good food to eat, the various facilities of the collective dormitory are not as convenient as at home, and so on. If you have not suffered hardships, you don't know how good life is and you don't know how to cherish it.
Parents have suffered a lot, they don't want their children to suffer, take care of their children meticulously, children want to solve problems by themselves, parents will also take the lead in helping their children to settle down.
Over time, the child feels weak, has no ability to resist setbacks, and becomes dependent on his parents. Once out of the arms of the parents, or encounter problems beyond the scope of the parents, the child will be helpless, unable to withstand the weight of stress, resulting in psychological imbalance.
Children are under too much pressure to learn
In 2011, a reporter visited the psychiatric clinics of major hospitals in Guangzhou and learned that the proportion of depressed adolescents is relatively high, and most of these children are depressed due to learning pressure and parent-child tension.
Everyone does not understand, now adults have also experienced school life, but also have the pressure of learning, why is there no depression, today's children are so easy to be depressed?
Because parents have very different requirements for their children.
When we were young, there was a pressure to learn, which came from ourselves, the expectations of teachers, and the comparison with our classmates, and rarely from our parents.
Parents' expectations for us are to listen to the teacher's words, not to cause trouble, if you want to learn, you can go to school, and if you don't want to learn, get out of school early. If you win an award or be praised at school, no matter how many you are, your parents can praise it for a long time. There is never a requirement for how many points to score or how many points to take. As for the entrance examination, the parents have no concept, and they only know that it is great to go to the city.
When I went home, no one forced me to write homework, and I was forbidden to read "idle books", but I urged me to do housework and farm work quickly. Without the nagging of parents, the pressure will be invisibly much less.
Today's children are under more pressure than we are, and parents are too demanding.
From an early age, you must learn all kinds of talents, and you must also have the special skills to show off for your parents to show off. To go to school, we must also pursue key primary schools, key middle schools, and key universities. If you don't write your homework well, you have to be reprimanded by your parents. In addition to the teacher's homework, it is also necessary to do additional homework assigned by the parents. Study to be among the best, and poor test scores depend on the faces of parents. Many children feel depressed at home and can't breathe.
The contradiction between parents and children becomes very acute because of the study of this matter, and it is difficult to reconcile. Children live in a tense atmosphere every day, and their hearts are like a broken string, and there is a risk of breaking at any time. Can you not be depressed?
epilogue
As parents, think back to our childhood, although life was a little hard, is there a lot of interesting things worth remembering? Children nowadays may be reminiscing about various interest classes, various assignments and exams, right? Life seems to be rich and colorful, but it is extremely monotonous.
When the child should release his nature, he is imprisoned, and the negative emotions cannot be released, and a little bit of accumulation will erupt over time, and we must be soberly aware of this.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
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