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On the weekend, take the daughter to the movie, there is a mother and daughter in front of the ticket check, the mother looks at the face is gloomy, has been nagging the child, probably listened to it, that is, the daughter said she wanted to see a movie, the mother bought a ticket, but the daughter wanted to see another one, the mother bought the ticket, the result was just changed, the daughter regretted it, this mother has been tossing ah, and finally stood in front of us, it is estimated that the mother is really angry. Because we went early, waiting in line for the end of a movie, for 20 minutes, I kept watching the mother and daughter.
The mother is angry and has been criticizing the child.
At first, the girl was still calm, but soon began to cry, and when she saw the child crying, her mother's voice became higher: "I really don't want to talk about you, who do you toss every day?" One moment like this, the next time like that, you think you're Grandma, you have to listen to you! ”
The child quickly apologized to his mother: "Mom, I'm sorry! ”
Hearing the child's apology, the mother did not seem to appreciate it: "At this time, you apologized, what did you do just now!" Useless!! I tell you, don't pretend to cry here! ”
The child was crying even harder!
I had the heart to persuade, but I also knew that at this time persuasion was to add fuel to the fire, and my daughter was frightened by this situation and held my hand tightly. And so until the movie was about to start, we entered the screening hall, and the mother and daughter had not yet ended the "battle", and then it became the Cold War. The daughter timidly called "Mama", the mother just ignored her, the mother walked in front, and the daughter followed behind.
At that moment, I was quite pitiful to this little girl.
A lot of mother emotions come, no matter who says it, the child apologizes, you have to spit out the gas to be over, but the result is that your anger is over, and the child's anger is blocked in the heart. Maybe he is still young and has no way to confront his parents, but after such a long time, when he can fight, it will be a big problem.
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There is an old Chinese saying: if you see something good, you will receive it. Used in family education, that is to say, angry, anxious, almost on the line, don't really move the liver fire.
Many parents say that their children are not sweet,They will not apologize, and they will always make a big fuss about small problems every time. So why do some children just have a hard mouth? It has to do with the fact that he didn't eat the sweetness of an apology. For example, when the child is young, he may have apologized for the language or action, the parent did not seize this opportunity in time, but continue to vent his temper, the child will subconsciously feel that the apology is useless, it is better not to say a word.
I've seen this myself. A little girl apologized to grandma, grandma was still angry, the girl kept apologizing, grandma has been ignoring. Finally, the girl cried loudly, and Grandma was gone, holding her and crying together. Fully explains that this grandmother does not understand that there is a class in education called "apology class", parents must teach their children to apologize in a timely manner, I often say to my daughter: "Apologize at the first time, will make the critics of you say ten sentences less!" "My daughter learned this course very well, and every time she made a mistake, she would apologize very seriously, so she hadn't been beaten, and the children had apologized.
When you get to work, you'll find that children who apologize are not guilty. For example, once our unit had a recording accident, after the recording of a program, the two interns who took the tape did not pay attention and lost the tape. At that time, there was no digital recording, if the tape could not be found, it was equivalent to the white recording of this program, so many people's work was all white, all the work in the studio was equal to zero, and I was about to be blown up. I criticized these two interns, A belongs to a very high emotional intelligence child, I have not yet found him, he sent me a text message to apologize, all kinds of self-blame, and expressed willingness to bear the company's punishment, I have a little fire.
When A came to see me, he was scared and sincere, admitting all his mistakes and saying that if the company gave him the opportunity, he would do his best to make up for the loss. I thought it had happened and that the criticism was useless, so I said a few words and let him out.
Then B came in, this child and A are not the same, from the beginning to the end of a word did not say, in fact, I am this person, in the unit or rarely angry, as long as the staff recognize the seriousness of the problem can be, but B classmate is not talking, how I say he is a move, looking down at his shoes. I jumped straight up to my head, the more I said that I was angry, in that process, I just wanted him to say a word, a soft word, but he didn't say a word in the end, and we broke up unhappily. In fact, I also know that in his heart, he understands that the mistake is very big, he is afraid, and does not know how to solve it, so he is in an impasse.
Later, Classmate A got better and better, and has become the editor-in-chief, and Classmate B left his job soon after, and I heard that he changed a lot of jobs, and now he has not yet stabilized. Thinking about it today, it is actually his family education that is missing an "apology class". The child did not grow up well, so he became the person in the office who gave headaches to his colleagues.
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So how to cultivate children's ability to "learn to apologize"?
The sooner this ability is cultivated, the better, and it must be used perfectly by the child to truly master it. The method is that when the child makes a mistake, the parent first encourages him to apologize and self-reflect, and then the parent accepts the apology, explains the reason, and finally embraces the child. The most important thing in this process is to let the child feel that when he apologizes, the parents will really forgive him, and after benefiting a few times, he understands that it is important to apologize in time. The most feared thing is that the child apologizes, and the parents still clean up the child, so that you will find that the child's apology is getting less and less.
My assistant, after working with me, has changed a lot, before he is not very expressive person, a small thing always makes me angry, and then he understands my work habits, every time there is a problem, he is always the first to apologize in the group, in time to suppress my anger, now he has become a master of dealing with problems, many of my affairs are taken care of by him. Therefore, the human environment is very important, and it is not too late to learn at any age.
If you want your child to apologize to you better, you must remember to apologize to your child often, this era is not the era of "Lao Tzu is right", and if you are wrong, you should say "sorry" in time. The apology class is not a 45-minute lesson, it is throughout the family education, parents must master first, which is also part of the cultivation. Let the child grow up in a family that "apologizes no matter who is wrong", he will naturally learn the correct way to apologize, and only a family with mutual respect can raise a child with high emotional intelligence and will apologize!
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