Excellent children are mostly the result of quality education, and problem children are mostly the products of problem families. Most of the children's problems are not caused by the children themselves, but the refraction of the parents' problems, and the parents are often the biggest creators of the children's problems, and they are also the biggest obstacles for the children to correct their mistakes and shortcomings.
When I was young, I followed my mother to pick up ears of wheat, but my mother was slapped by the guards, and many years later, I met my mother again with the caretaker in the market, the caretaker was already a white-haired old man, I wanted to take revenge, but I was persuaded by my mother, and my mother only said this sentence: "Son, the person who beat me, and this old man, is not alone", this is my family style.
Everyone's first family education from birth, the most affected is also family education, this kind of education has words and deeds, and even I think that body teaching is more important than words.
You live in this family, your elders, your relatives, the way they treat work, how they treat others, I think it will have a very direct and subtle impact on the children.
Therefore, I think that having a good family style is indeed very beneficial to the growth of children.
01
Good parents are learned
There are no naturally successful parents, and there are no parents who do not need to learn, and successful parents are the result of continuous learning and improvement. I have come into contact with so many outstanding parents that none of them have easily achieved the success of the godson.
A good mother even said, many people think I am very relaxed, said that your child is so good, do not care at all, do not know, I even sleep at night with one eye open!
A good mother is prevented from happening, while an unqualified mother is that the child's problem is already very serious, and even the teacher has talked to the child, and she is not yet aware of the existence of the problem.
Comrade Shen Liping, the first outstanding mother of the country, was a painter. In order to learn painting, she not only went to college, but also went to the Central Academy of Arts and Crafts for further study; Not only did I buy books, but I also visited countless art exhibitions and listened to countless academic reports.
However, she never realized that it should take time to raise her child, until the child was severely disabled due to the air crash, she began to really learn to be a mother, and because of her own efforts, she finally helped the child overcome the disability.
In the 21st century, the information society has higher and higher requirements for the quality of people, and any position requires training and assessment, but it seems that only the birth and education of children do not need training, as if they will automatically take up posts and will never be laid off, in fact, this understanding is wrong.
Everyone must learn the relevant knowledge before becoming a parent, and the awareness and knowledge about how to be a parent is prepared as early as possible, and the fuller the better.
02
Good parents have to be careful
I've come into contact with hundreds of wonderful parents who have in common a hard time educating their children! Some people may say that there are so many parents who don't know one big word, don't they also educate good children?
In fact, illiteracy is not unable to educate, these parents are also masters of educating their children.
The "Focus Interview" program has introduced the deeds of An Jinpeng, the world student Olympiad gold medalist.
His family is extremely poor, he has been admitted to a key middle school, but he has no money, his father said to let his children go to work, people have not yet worked in college, not to mention whether you can be admitted to college I don't know. But the mother firmly disagreed, and sold the only donkey in the family.
The child in middle school is the only one who can't even afford to eat vegetarian food, the only one who can't even afford to use soap. In this way, the child is all on his own, right? When I asked in person, I learned that although the mother had not even graduated from elementary school, she had let her children do the four operations before elementary school.
How many college graduate parents alone can do that?
03
The child's problem is a mapping of the parent's problem
Many parents blame their children's bad habits on the school, on the teachers, on the children themselves, but not on themselves.
In fact, most of the habits in children, whether good habits or bad habits, are consciously or unconsciously cultivated by our parents. Just like Shanghainese people say Shanghainese to eat Shanghainese food, Sichuanese people say Sichuanese to eat Sichuanese cuisine, as if they are born without training, and this is not the case, parents are teaching all the time, so that they do not realize that they are teaching, this is "latent education", essential education that is much more powerful than "explicit education".
The most urgent thing is not to educate children, but to educate parents, without parental change, there is no change in children. There are no children who do not want to learn well, only children who cannot learn well,
There are no children who are not well educated, only parents who cannot be educated. Therefore, scolding yourself before scolding the child, and hitting yourself before hitting the child, only in this way can you completely change yourself.
04
Good grades don't just depend on teachers
With regard to quality education and test-taking education, the whole society must have a correct understanding.
Test-oriented education is a problem that neither the school nor the parent can avoid, and it requires the school and the parent to adapt together. There is no contradiction between test-taking ability education and quality education, and quality education without test-taking ability is not real quality education.
According to statistics, there are nearly 10 million "idle" minors on the mainland. The so-called idle minors refer to children who should be studying in school and do not want to read, and choose to drop out of school, of which 94% are the result of academic failure, academic backwardness, school weariness, truancy, and running away from home have become the four-step process of juvenile crime today.
Therefore, helping children adapt to test-oriented education has become a due obligation of our parents, and the best way to help children reduce their burden is for our parents to increase their burden, that is, our parents can become the child's mentor.
Of course, good grades are brought out by school teachers, but in today's fierce competition in test-taking education, these good grades are increasingly soaked in the sweat of parents.
05
Good communication is all heard
For parents whose children enter junior high school and high school, there is a general confusion, that is, it is difficult to communicate with their children.
Children who enter puberty have more conflicts with mothers who enter menopause, not only because they are in a period of internal psychological turmoil, but more importantly, the external pressure of both is very large, the child is facing the pressure of further education, and the mother is facing the pressure of career, which requires more communication.
Good parents mostly do a good job of this, and their good communication comes from consciously following these three principles:
Listening is to let the child speak out and understand the true meaning of the child's words.
Understanding is to think from the child's point of view whether it is reasonable, and the result is often reasonable.
Advice, that is, it makes sense that children may not be able to take the right action, so parents should give advice here.
Of these three steps, listening is the worst parents do.
Every child grows up with problems, every parent grows up with problems, children who do not encounter problems cannot be found, parents who do not encounter problems cannot be found, the key is to be able to calm down and find a solution to the problem like those excellent parents.
06
The underlying education of parents is incorporated into the flesh and blood of children
Intelligence is not the most important, more important than intelligence is the will, more important than the will is the mind, more important than the mind is a person's character.
Unfortunately, there are not more and more people who attach importance to moral character, but fewer and fewer, and it is inappropriate to talk about moral education with parents.
As for a person's mind and ambitions, it is an overseas fantasy that we parents do not want to hear, because it has nothing to do with the current test scores!
In fact, these are the most important things in a person's growth. When we look at biographies, we are often extremely impressed by the extraordinaryness of the characters in their infancy, and the reason is that this motivation for achievement has a huge impact on a person.
The most important factors, such as will, mind, and morality, cannot be effective through "explicit education" such as parental preaching, but are incorporated into the flesh and blood of children through parental behavior, that is, "latent education.".
In addition to the example that parents can set a good example, the best way for children to cultivate a big heart is to let children read more famous books, read more biographies of great people, and let children look at society and themselves with the eyes of great people from primary school.