Recently, in a video, a 5-year-old cute baby cried while bursting out to complain about her father:
"The whole family doesn't study, you still play with mobile phones, every day you let us study, you don't study, your mother is reading so seriously." 」
Have you learned it yourself? 367's addition and subtraction multiplication recipe table, you will not, you still let me read so hard.
You'll go to bed so early at home and wake up late.
You still play the games on your phone, your phone is confiscated, and you are not allowed to play it again. ”
Obviously, the father of this child is forcing the child to learn, and he has not given a good example.
The child's complaint is justified, which can't help but make people think deeply:
Many parents are not self-motivated, but they require their children to study hard!
Some people say, "The parent-child relationship is a mirror that reflects our growth." ”
If parents are motivated, it is natural for children to work hard;
If parents resist self-motivation, they will transfer the task of self-motivation to their children.
The literary scholar Tolstoy once said:
"The essence of educating children is to educate themselves, and self-education is the most powerful way for parents to influence their children."
If the parents are not motivated, but they are constantly demanding their children;
I don't know, this is the biggest taboo in family education.
There were news reports that a father and son had a big fight, and finally called the police to ask the police to deal with it.
It turned out that the little boy had been addicted to mobile games for a long time and was mischievous and disobedient.
When he was beaten and scolded by his father that day, he actually returned his hand to his father;
So the father and son fought.
In the communication between the police and the child, I learned:
His parents like to play mahjong and usually spend little time with him.
After school, he is often left alone at home and feels bored, so he likes to play games with his mobile phone.
The boy said he was often beaten and scolded by his parents, and he couldn't help but fight back against his father.
The police saw the little boy crying sadly and enlightened him:
"Although mobile games are fun, don't indulge in them, although the parents' education method is inappropriate, but in the end it is also for your own good..."
The child called the police uncle "very fair" and criticized the mistakes of his parents, saying that he would study hard in the future.
CCTV famous mouth Bai Yansong was once asked in an interview:
"How to pull young people who are used to using mobile phones back to books."
He responded:
"I think it is difficult for parents who play mahjong at home every day to teach their children to read.
In the process of educating children, parents must bear at least 51% of the controlling responsibility.
How many parents in life are making progress on their own?
We always complain that our children are not progressing, and then put all the blame on social and educational problems. ”
Although the words are sharp, they are all thought-provoking between the lines.
Parents as children's lifelong teachers, parents' words and deeds, are subtly influencing children.
If parents do not learn all day long, they will only be drunk and obsessed, then the child will naturally not be eager to learn.
When they complain that their children do not like to learn and are not motivated, they only forget that they are the role models for their children to learn.
The best education, always at home.
Parents who are not motivated, children who cannot educate themselves.
The famous educator Makarenko said:
"A parent's requirements for himself, a parent's respect for his family, a parent's attention to every behavior of his own behavior, this is the first and most important educational method."
The answer to many of the questions in education is actually in the parents.
When parents are willing to examine themselves and continue to improve and grow up, they will find that their children are also subtly changing in a better direction, which is not so difficult to discipline.
As one college entrance exam winner said in an interview:
"Occasionally I would get bored with school and didn't want to read, and my parents noticed it and didn't say anything, so they turned off the TV and sat down to read.
When I saw my parents reading, I was embarrassed not to read. ”
Parents influence their children through the power of example, much more effectively than in other ways.
Chen Yixian, a Tsinghua student who was once known as "Jay Chou Jr.", was hotly discussed for winning the 2020 Tsinghua University Undergraduate Special Scholarship.
How did he get his excellence?
The answer given by Chen Yixian is: good family education.
When he was in high school, his father was asked what to do if his child loved to play with mobile phones.
His father, with a simple gesture, answered the question.
Chen's father directly pulled out his mobile phone, an extremely simple function of the elderly machine.
Smart parents will lead by example, be an example for their children, and make progress with their children
1. Parents themselves are very disciplined
Self-motivated children are inseparable from the word self-discipline.
Behind every self-disciplined child, it is inseparable from the example of parents.
We ask children to go to bed early and get up early, but they are senior night owls, watch mobile phones play games and chase dramas, and get up at three o'clock in the day;
We ask children to like to read and love to draw, but they will only hold their mobile phones to chase online texts, and they have never read a book in front of children.
How can such an indisciplined parent expect their children to be self-disciplined and excellent?
Parents' self-discipline in life, self-discipline in learning, and self-growth step by step are the best guidance for children.
2. Parents never stop learning
Learning should be a lifelong thing.
Many parents, after ending their reading careers, having jobs, families and children, give up self-exploration.
As M. Scott Peck writes in The Few Roads:
"Some people have passed puberty and given up mapping.
Most people are middle-aged, have little interest in new information and information, and seem to be exhausted.
Only a very fortunate few will continue to work hard, exploring, expanding, and renewing their understanding of the world until the end of their lives. ”
Without learning, we can't perfect our own map of life.
If parents hold a lifelong learning attitude and still have a high interest in things, the child's learning fire will also be ignited.
Chen Meiling, who sent all three of her three sons to Stanford University, even though she was cooking in the kitchen, when her son came to her and asked her:
"Why is the sky blue?"
She would turn off the fire, first exaggeratingly praising her son for asking a good question, and then dragging him to look for information.
Afterwards, she also thanked her son for letting her mother learn new knowledge together.
Chen Meiling holds her own learning attitude and establishes a positive feedback mechanism with her children, and the children continue to gain motivation from it.
3. Parents teach by example, more powerful than any word
We want our children to get ahead, but the best way to do that is to teach by example.
The influence of parents' own quality has already laid the groundwork for their children's lives.
There have been news reports that a father did not pick up his daughter or put her next to him while waiting for the subway;
Instead, let her daughter stand behind her.
Although there was no one around, the father told his daughter with action:
Be sure to wait in line while waiting for the bus.
He also won praise from netizens for this.
With such parents leading by example, his daughter must be a person who is very obedient to public order.
Dong Qing also talked about the time when she first became a mother, saying that she was very confused, and people became lazy and mediocre.
Later, a word from a friend woke her up:
"What kind of person you want your child to grow into, it's very simple, what kind of person you want to become first."
Parents lead by example, more forcefully than any pale preaching.
Some people say that raising children is a poetic practice.
True!
Parents and children make progress together so that they can enjoy the most beautiful scenery along the way.
As parents, the king of our children's education is to persistently cultivate ourselves;
Instead of having no requirements for themselves, they blindly ask their children to study hard.
Parents set an example for their children through self-discipline, learning, and self-growth, and children will naturally follow their parents.
May we all lead by example, learn for life, and intersect with our children in a long period of exploration;
May our children be guided by their parents' growth mindset and move towards a better tomorrow!
A teacher engaged in university education, after paying attention to and tracking many excellent children, faced with the education of his own children, came to this conclusion:
"I was also anxious for a while, why are other people's children so good?
It turns out that everyone's parents are role models who play a leading role around their children, and they are first-class parents.
So now I don't say so much, just be myself.
Including the child's teacher asking me to say a few words at the graduation ceremony, I really let him know that although my mother is a teacher, the pressure to speak on the stage is also quite large, and I feel that the task is very arduous, but I am still very happy to accept the task.
The reason is to let him see that his mother does not run away from the challenge when she encounters it, but chooses to deal with it positively.
He's about to enter puberty, and I must take care of myself first. ”
When parents know how to work hard from themselves, they will not put their expectations on their children, and push their children too tightly and demandingly;
When parents know how to lead by example, they will win the respect and trust of their children, and the parent-child relationship is better.
Therefore, if you find that it is difficult to be tired of educating children, and the children have not become the way they expect, you may wish to withdraw the gaze that has been placed on the children, reflect on yourself, and set a good example for the children first.
If you want to teach your child the truth, practice it yourself;
If you want to raise a child who loves to read, pick up the book yourself and read it;
What you want your child to be like, try to get closer to that look first.
As a parent, when educating children, do not forget to grow up and become a good example that children can follow and emulate, which is the best state of education.
Self-disciplined children
It's something you can't imagine
For most children, self-discipline is a scarce commodity.
They do things without planning, often going in the twilight, doing whatever they think, and can't have a beginning and an end.
However, the gap between excellent and non-excellent children is precisely self-discipline.
Because self-disciplined children, sooner or later, are excellent.
There is a little boy who grew up abroad and later returned to China with his mother to receive a second-grade education.
On both sides of the Chinese test paper for the entrance test, the little boy did it for an hour and a half, filling in only one blank.
The mother was worried that her son would not be able to keep up, and told her son that he would start reading from the first grade, but the son insisted on reading the second grade.
He made a plan for himself, studying for half an hour a day Chinese, memorizing how many Chinese characters to memorize, learning a few pinyin, and so on.
Sure enough, not long after, he not only caught up, but also surpassed everyone.
Self-disciplined children have a strict concept of time, whether it is to do things or learn never procrastinate, have super self-control, can effectively resist external bad temptations, and insist on doing their own things.
A self-disciplined child, his future is unlimited.
Cultivating self-discipline cannot be achieved by force
Some people say that expecting children to realize themselves is the most powerless education.
Laziness is human nature, and children are no exception.
Self-discipline is not innate, and a self-disciplined child is raised from an early age.
However, when cultivating children's self-discipline, parents must remember not to "force", often the more parents "force", the more the child comes backwards.
Why?
1. Control is too strict, causing a rebellious mentality.
Some parents feel that if they want their children to be self-disciplined, they must be strict, whether it is a big thing or a small thing, they must be compared, and they must be on the line.
But in this way, children with strong self-esteem are bound to escape or resist.
Forcing will only stimulate the child's rebellious psychology, which is unfavorable.
2. In a hurry, the child's willpower is overestimated.
The child's ability to control himself is not achieved overnight, and if you want to make the child self-disciplined, you must give him enough time.
But some parents are always in a hurry, and children can't stick to it for a day or two to succeed.
Overestimating a child's willpower is counterproductive.
Teach children to learn self-discipline
Parents need to master these skills
To cultivate children's self-discipline, it is best to be early.
In addition to leading by example, there are also the following skills to be mastered.
1. Establish normative rules
Parents can set clear and unambiguous family rules at home, then follow them, and if the rules are broken, then they have to bear the consequences.
At this time, the child will need to limit his behavior according to the norm and urge himself to make the right decision.
2. Set an example for your child
For example, the star so-and-so that the child likes, behind his success, is how much sweat and bitterness he has paid.
Celebrities are versatile and the result of daily persistence, not innately.
3. Start with your interests
Interest will make a person aware of the temptation to resist play, and will make a person willing to make a plan and execute the plan.
Parents can help their children find things that interest them, stimulate their children's enthusiasm and initiative, and cultivate good self-discipline.
4. Develop good habits
The highest level of self-discipline is natural habits.
Cultivate children's good living habits and learning habits, and let habits become natural.
Self-discipline is the greatest wealth that parents give to their children.
From now on, guide the child in the right way and cultivate the child's self-discipline.
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