In the TV series "Heart Residence", there is a particularly interesting scene.
Strong woman Gu Qingyu, the career is very good, but the road to love is very unsmooth, a year to change a boyfriend, a short week or two to break up. Because every boyfriend she looks for has the shadow of her first love.
From a psychological point of view, this is the "unfinished complex".
When a relationship you do not end, you will feel that the relationship is not completed, such as you and the other half broke up because of the Cold War, did not say goodbye to each other; for example, he broke up with you without reason, you will also feel that the relationship has not really ended; or you have experienced a period of ambiguity, but have not really been together, you will also feel that the relationship is unfinished.
Not only in love, but also in marriage, there are unfinished complexes.
In my counseling, I have been in contact with many divorced counselors.
I am often told that my husband used to say that he would take care of me for the rest of his life and always be good to me, so why did he want to divorce me? He is not responsible at all!
This kind of psychology is the unfinished complex. You think that in a marriage, when your partner gives you a promise, you should fulfill it the way he promised, and you fantasize that you will love for the rest of your life. But when he mentions divorce with you, the relationship comes to an end, you will feel that his commitment has not been fulfilled, and your heart will be very angry, helpless, and lost.
If you have an unfinished complex, you will feel that there is always a force that binds you, that this unfinished event has been affecting your mood and state, and that you have no way to start a new life.
What's more frightening is that because this event is not completed, but you don't know how to deal with it, it is likely to choose some other way of satisfying yourself, such as finding someone else to satisfy yourself, just like Gu Qingyu in the heart of the TV series, always looking for people who are similar to their first love, but they can't fall in love for a long time, because they are just compensation for their unfinished complex. You may also consume impulsively, overeat, give up on yourself, and so on, which will seriously damage your life.
If your feelings also have the unfinished complex I mentioned above, I give you three suggestions.
First, figure out what you want the full stop.
For example, you broke up with your partner, you feel that your feelings are insincere, and the period you want is to be with him again, then what you need to do is review the reasons for your breakup, see what kind of problems exist in each other's feelings, and focus on solving the problem, rather than emotional attrition.
Second, make a judgment of possibility.
For emotional problems, there are two possibilities, one possibility is to miss, that is, you can't start over, such as the other party already has a family, or you have your own family, then what you need to do is to complete it in another way, such as counseling with a psychological counselor, doing acceptance of past experiences, and psychologically turning unfinished into completion through counseling; the other possibility is that you have the opportunity to be together, then you need to find the corresponding method to solve the problems in the previous relationship. Re-attract the opposite direction to you and get each other back together.
Third, put an end to feelings.
Unfinished complex, if you can draw a conclusion, let it be in a state of completion, it will become a past event, no longer bother you, your psychological burden will be completely released.
So, to draw this period is the method that you have the greatest probability of resolving an unfinished event.
In my opinion, every relationship needs a full stop, whether it is to get back together or end with dignity, it needs to have an account for yourself, for your other half.