How to do it without scolding, without yelling

The reason I want to say this is because of my experience of failure.

Having had children for five years, I was not molded into a gentle, calm and rational mother.

On the contrary, I became a powder pack, exploded at the slightest emotion, shouted and yelled, saw that no one was pleasing to the eye, loved to quarrel with my family, would scold my children, fell over the house, and went to the stable emergency department.

Later I learned that these temper tantrums are the "manic" in bipolar disorder, and the depressive symptoms are the opposite. Depressive symptoms are hiding on your own, crying, not being able to get up from bed, and losing interest in everything. "Manic" is more terrible than depression, because depression will only hurt oneself, and mania will hurt others, mainly to hurt the family.

Just the other day, because of a small matter, I was so angry that I couldn't control my emotions. Walking particularly fast on the street, scolding children, or yelling at children.

Passers-by looked sideways. The child was crying so hard that I was walking fast, and he trotted after me and cried, crying and saying, I'm never again, I'm never again.

I asked him if he didn't listen to me because he didn't like me. If I don't like it I can ask someone else to bring him.

He cried and said, I like it. I like it.

Along the way, I felt so much pain, so angry. I couldn't stop at all. No matter how the child cries, how to say.

Maybe it's because, in the past five years, the pressure has been too great for me to overwhelm and breathe.

Isn't it just about bringing a child? As for. You're too weak.

It's really too weak. And there is no wisdom at all in many places. This is true of one's own life, and it is also true of another life.

The next night, I found myself still in a very big rage.

All the anger poured out, and he roared and scolded for half a day with all his might. Finally, the heart suddenly ached, feeling like suffocation, wearing a coat and hurrying out the door, and then running to the mall to relax, at the same time the heart has been hurting, the pain is severe, doubting whether he will have a heart attack. (Baidu: According to statistics, about 10% of myocardial infarctions are "out of the air.") Emotional changes are an important part of healthy life, even if healthy people, in a hurry, nervous, angry, excited, the sympathetic nerves in the body are activated, blood pressure rises sharply, heart rate accelerates, but also cause internal environmental disorders)

The heart hurt for two or three days.

Why on earth would I be so angry with a child who was just five years old?

The reason is that he doesn't listen to me and always puts himself in "danger." It made me feel a lot of pressure, and my nerves were tense all the time.

When I reminded him, he didn't listen to me and still stuck to himself.

I will also wonder if I am too careful, whether I am managing too much, whether I am too fragile psychologically. Because I am really mentally fragile, I want to be as "safe" as possible. This keeps me from always being in a state of tension and anxiety. But when a child grows up with his own ideas, he won't listen to me because he has his own needs.

When I saw him hurt, it was very painful, and the emotions would collapse in an instant, because I had reminded him that it was completely avoidable. When he loses his normal reaction when he is emotionally up, for example, the normal way to deal with this matter is to check the place where he is injured, see if it is serious, and then tell the child who hurt him, at least let the child's parents know that it is the child who hit him, causing him to hurt his eye, so that he also knows that the child is not silent when he hits his eye.

But emotionally, I can't handle things properly and rationally.

I just threw himself away and left.

Later, when he caught up with me, I started yelling at him.

What the hell am I most angry about? It was he who did not listen to me and did not avoid the dangers he knew.

Or is it the cowardice of other children who throw stones at his eyes and can't hide, without saying a word? (My father was cowardly all his life, and when he was a child, others did not dare to make decisions for me, and he did not say a word)

Anger is like fire.

In addition to scolding him and yelling at him, I couldn't calmly and gently tell him why I was angry. Nor can it teach him, or show him, how to handle problems correctly.

And my anger was all directed at him. Is it because he put a lot of pressure on me? Sometimes that "hate kids" mood rises up and makes me feel so powerless.

I remember when he was very young, playing outside, other parents would very naturally express out loud what they wanted their children to be careful about and pay attention to. I can't always say it. Obviously, I will be worried in my heart, but I just can't remind the child accurately and calmly. It's as if there's an expression disorder. Or feel embarrassed, embarrassed. The other parents were so decisive and crisp that they could say what they thought. I can't.

The reason is that he likes to play with a group of boys, but these boys play crazy, holding stones and hitting each other with branches. A boy told me that he fell to the ground and the boy hit him on the head with a large stone branch.

I said, let's not play crazy with these boys. Said a few times, do not listen to me. I also made my concerns clear. Still don't listen.

I don't know if I'm overly cautious and worried.

But I knew I was so angry that I was definitely wrong. In my thirties, I actually let myself be so emotional. The matter of taking children actually puts so much pressure on me. Sometimes I really feel like I should let go. But no old man took over. The mistake was that I didn't find an effective way to relieve myself of stress. The mistake was that I didn't read more books to learn more scientific and effective parenting styles. The mistake was that I couldn't get along well with my family and let myself be so lonely in parenting.

The mistake was that I couldn't be cruel to myself and completely exhaust my laziness and cowardice.

The mistake was that my world was so poor except for parenting, or that I was too indulgent of all my bad habits, including bad mood. The mentality of the weak and the mindset of the weak have always controlled the mind. Now these bad habits are starting to regurgitate. It turned me into an impotent person with impermanent emotions.

Of course, people have to control their emotions, not whether they can or can't, but they must, they must learn, this lesson, I temporarily hung up. The stress of raising a child is not a reason to lose control of emotions.

It feels so much better to write it. Although I have taken this course in emotional management, I haven't even started yet.