The recent hit "The Rest of Your Life, Please Give More Advice" has said goodbye to everyone, but remembering the words of Lin Zhixue's father was once again moved to tears.
"Although she is not smart and is not fast to learn things, she perseveres in everything with this tenacity of not admitting defeat and not giving up... Of course, in addition to love and chai rice oil and salt in marriage life, two people have been together for a long time, the passion will inevitably fade, what can not be insisted on is separated, scattered, can insist on going down is a home, the family must be supported, is a complete home... But I believe that our school will be able to support a home. ”
This is an old father's words when his daughter is not recognized by the future mother-in-law, seemingly plain words, but hidden the father's recognition and pride of his daughter.
But let's go back to the father-daughter dialogue at the beginning of the TV series:
Father: "You still have one year to graduate from college, you look at what your classmates are doing, looking for a job, looking for a job, the graduate school of graduate school, the seal, she has already got the notice of studying abroad, you, still idle there, nothing can be done, and if you continue like this, you will become a social scum." ”
Daughter: "How did I become a social scum, I went to college with dignity, I played the cello, I became a musician, how did I become a social scum." This spring debriefing performance, I invited you two, what do you say, you said to come and see today, if I pull well, you agree to me as a musician, but are you coming? None of you came, none of you saw me, how do you know if I'm pulling well or not. ”
Does this kind of conversation sound familiar to everyone? I think that in the process of growing up with my children, I will have more or less similar conflicts with my parents.
There is such a plot line in the TV series "Please Teach More for the Rest of Your Life", that is, the traditional Chinese father-daughter relationship between Lin Zhixue and Lin Jianguo's "knife mouth tofu heart style".
In the play, Lin Jianguo, the father of Lin Zhi school, is a teaching director, who often teaches his daughter at home, he does not allow her daughter to play the cello to pursue her dreams, he feels that it is not a proper job, forcing his daughter to go to graduate school, and feels that this is the route that his daughter should take in his heart.
Just because Lin Jianguo always preached this in front of Lin Zhi School, she had an inferiority complex to herself.
When Lin Jianguo was fishing with old friends or chatting with others, he made it clear that he recognized his daughter's piano skills and saw his pride in his daughter from his expression.
And after he learned that he had cancer, he felt afraid not of his own physical health problems, but of his inability to continue to see his daughter grow.
So he fled the hospital and decided to go back to his hometown to see his daughter's summer vacation homework when she was a child, "100 things I wanted to do with my father" to make up for the lack of companionship for her daughter for many years.
The most touching thing is that after the daughter found Lin Jianguo, Lin Jianguo had to go to KFC, where he showed a kind face different from before, and when he saw that his daughter did not want to eat the pit deji he ordered, he was a little helpless, but he still let go of his majesty and reminded his daughter that this was her wish when she was a child.
But as Lin Zhixiao, who has been growing up in the insults of his father, he has been talking for too long and has long forgotten, but the memory of his childhood comes to mind.
A large piece of paper was full of 100 things, shaving Dad, blowing bubbles together, swinging together, etc., full of little girl expectations.
But after listening to Lin Jianguo's words, Lin Zhixue turned around and rushed out of KFC with stubborn tears.
Seeing this scene, the young mother also soaked her eyes.
Why do we know that both sides love each other, but they always say things that hurt each other?
In fact, the reason why Lin Jianguo is angry with Lin Zhijie is only due to the love and worry of parents for their children, but the method is just wrong.
The father, as the daughter,the first person of the opposite sex he came into contact with, was a bellwether in the daughter's growth process. The way fathers get along with their daughters has a great influence on their future lives.
Studies have shown that in the psychological development of children aged 0-2, the role of mothers far exceeds that of fathers. Because at this time the child is in the first stage of psychological development, that is, the attachment period.
At this stage, the child's relationship with the mother almost determines whether he has enough security, intimacy, happiness and motivation to grow.
But after the age of two, the child will slowly transfer some of his feelings for his mother to his father.
At this time, the father effectively participates in the child's growth process, which will make the child's personality development healthier and more perfect, promote the child's mental development, so that the child can gain more sense of security and intimacy.
How can fathers effectively participate in their daughter's upbringing?
○ Companionship is the longest confession of affection.
True companionship is not about the length of time, nor is it limited to ways and methods, but about making children feel your presence.
For example, after work, put down your mobile phone and games, and spend more time with your children. When the daughter encounters problems, use the correct values and outlook on life to guide the daughter and be a mentor in the direction of the daughter's progress.
The father's attentive companionship will infiltrate the father's love into the child's heart, so that she has enough confidence to move forward confidently on the bumpy road of life.
○ Respect is a warm distance, there is no harm, only touching.
Successful homeschooling comes from the respect and love of parents for their children.
1. When parents criticize their children, please save some face for their children, do not expose the child's shortness, and do not loudly reprimand or scold the child.
Because this method of discipline that does not respect children will only reduce the dignity of children, destroy children's hearts, make children throw gloomy and despicable shadows into their hearts, and form characters such as cowering, cowardice, and hypocrisy.
Respect the child's personality, the child will learn to respect people, at home, to raise the child as an independent social person from an early age, so that the child who is cultivated can become an independent social person on the social stage, and has the momentum of the future generation.
2. Abandon the old idea of son preference and treat every child equally, regardless of gender.
Grasp the balance between harshness and pampering, not too harsh, not overly spoiled. Fathers should respect their daughter's privacy, dating, personality, etc. For example, not randomly rummaging through her daughter's room, not interfering too much with her daughter's right to interact with the opposite sex, and so on.
○ The best gift a father can give to his daughter is to love his mother.
Compared with material giving, emotional surplus is the best nurturing for a daughter.
The degree of parental affection is equal to the temperature of the family. Girls who grew up in a loving family atmosphere see the respect and love of their fathers for their mothers. This kind of love and respect between parents will become the light and strength of the child's long road in life.
In fact, everything stems from love, love is like sunshine, warmth, giving people strength.
If you want your daughter to have a happy life, then be a good father, love your wife, accompany your daughter, and create a warm home with your heart.
Finally, the young mother would like to ask everyone, on the road to the child's growth, what activities have you missed from the child?
Feel free to leave a comment below the comments section.