Yi said that the gathering place for women's growth, may you not wear armor, you can resist thousands of life is not easy, welcome attention.
The love between Yin Xi and Jin Shi in "The Rest of My Life Please Teach More" really taught Lin Zhi School a lesson, perhaps many girls in front of the screen did not understand that Jin Shi turned his face with his girlfriend Yin Xi for the so-called face, and finally led to the two people breaking up, and did not admit that they were wrong.
To tell the truth, after seeing Yinxi and Jinshi break up, Jinshi found Yinxi, hoping that the two people would have a good talk and solve the problems between them, but Yinxi in addition to letting Jinshi apologize or apologize, the result was that Jinshi directly left, so that their relationship entered the cold winter.
In this matter, the seal is indeed a little more problematic, which is wrong.
Love that sticks together all the time
Yin Xi is a good girlfriend of Lin Zhi school, she and Jin Shi are in love with Qingmei Bamboo Horse, the feelings of the two people are not comparable to others, and they study abroad together, and every day the circle of friends is about to overflow the screen of love, so that Lin Zhi School and three or three girlfriends envy.
Not only that, the seal and the golden stone also have a special tacit understanding, and they are full of rituals everywhere in their love. They wear couple costumes and stay together all the time, they are not showing affection, they are telling everyone around them with actions that they are very loving.
It can be said that Jinshi meets all the requirements of the seal, and seems to enjoy it, in the eyes of the seal, this is the appearance of love, he loves me, that is, he can meet all my requirements, there can be no disagreements, there can be no rejection.
In the words of the seal, love that is together all the time has a sense of security. But in fact, is this kind of love really good?
There must also be rejection in intimate relationships
For Yinxi, this kind of love is of course very good, because this is the love in her cognition. However, love is a matter of two people, the opening of an intimate relationship, for Jinshi, does it feel good?
Jin Shi's feelings were not good, but they were not expressed until he and his classmates gathered and were seen by Yin Xi. Yin Xi was angry because Jin Shi had deceived him and was not busy with work. In the past, Jinshi would apologize to her, and this matter may have passed, but on this day, Jinshi did not apologize, and said something that Yinxi could not accept.
It turned out that Jinshi did not want to wear couple clothes, nor did she want to deceive Yinxi, but if she refused to seal or directly told Yinxi, she would be angry and would think that Jinshi did not love her. Therefore, Jinshi has always tolerated, is catering to the needs of the seal, ignoring his own feelings and needs, until he can't stand it.
Yin Xi felt very wronged, obviously Jin Shi deceived her, but he did not admit his mistake, so the two people who were intimate with Qingmei Zhuma broke up.
Across the screen, they all feel sorry for them.
However, Yin xi never felt that she had a problem, in fact, the love between her and Jinshi had a problem, and it was more wrong with her. Jinshi's fault is that he does not know how to reject and express his needs in love.
Here, we can make a comparison between Gu Wei and Lin Zhi school. Yin xi likes couple outfits, they are bought back according to their own preferences, let Jinshi wear it, does Jinshi like it? He didn't like it, but he wore it, not willingly, but with embarrassment and grievances, and he had to show that he liked to wear it in front of the seal and everyone, in fact, his feelings were particularly bad. Such a poor feeling, he did not refuse, until the last moment broke out, the words spoken were really hurtful and hurtful.
Looking at Wei and Lin's school again, Lin's school envied the couple's outfits of Seal seals and Jinshi, and also went to buy couple outfits for Gu Wei, and as a result, Gu Wei said on the spot that this dress, he could not accept to wear it, he could not wear it. Although this rejection made Lin Zhixue a little lost, it did not make love hurt his bones, and later Gu Wei also tried to wear it inside the coat, giving Lin Zhixue a surprise.
Comparing the two, or refusing to correctly express themselves at the beginning for the correct way to get along with intimate relationships, hiding their feelings, blindly compromising and giving in, may end up with greater harm.
Stop talking about security
If in this problematic intimate relationship, Jin Shi is wrong in not knowing how to refuse and correctly express his needs and feelings, then the problem of the seal is even greater.
Yin Xi asked the two of them to be together all the time and not be separated, on the grounds that she was insecure as a person, so she needed Jinshi's company so that she could feel at ease.
In order to make himself feel safe, Yinxi does not allow Jinshi to have any social activities, that is to say, everything must be done by the two of them together, if it is only a matter of Jinshi alone, sorry, Jinshi will refuse to go.
It was also for this reason that Jin Shi did not even dare to tell Yin Xi when he attended the class reunion, he knew that Yin Xi would not agree, and they would go in and out like Siamese people.
However, even the closest people also need to have their own activity space, for Jin Shi, the seal does not give the two people a single personal space, the requirement is to be together all the time, even if they are not together, they must call to check the post and have a connection with each other. This is no longer the normal intimacy of intimacy, it is a bondage, it is a suffocating bondage.
Whether it is love or marriage, it is like a blooming flower, losing air and water, the flower can only wither. The love between Yin Xi and Jinshi is slowly withered in this suffocating bondage, and the outbreak of Jinshi's emotions is actually just a fuse, and their love has long been in trouble.
At this moment, Yin Xi did not know it, saying that he wanted to be together all the time because he was insecure. Across the screen, I was anxious for Yinxi, obviously she still loved Jinshi, but she didn't realize her own problem.
Really don't talk about insecurity anymore, love problems must be some interaction patterns in relationships, and a person's sense of security is their own business, and have nothing to do with each other.
Love is lived for oneself
The famous Maslow theory of needs says that everyone has five levels of needs: physiological needs, security needs, social needs, respect needs, and self-actualization needs. These five layers of demand are the need to complete the needs of the lower layer, and the needs of the higher layer appear, and people will grow to continue to meet the needs of the next layer.
The sense of security is derived from the second layer of this pyramid, which belongs to the relatively low, that is, the most basic personal need, which is the demand that will arise when eating, drinking, and sleeping are met. It also shows that security is a personal need and feeling.
Love can be seen as something in social needs, and social needs are higher than the level of security, so when you are insecure, your love or relationships will be problematic.
But is security given by someone else? No, on the contrary, the sense of security can only be given to oneself, that is to say, the sense of security is the result of one's own inner growth.
Therefore, when there is a lack of security, you need to look inward to find the reason, to see your childhood experience and growth process, those moments that should cultivate a sense of security, whether there are traumas and deficiencies, so as to find a solution.
Yin Xi never thought about why she was insecure, but used the insecurity as an excuse for love, using it to kidnap Jinshi, thinking that as long as Jinshi was bound to her, she could put herself and love in the safe.
The end result is a sense of security, which she still does not have, and also hurts the feelings of the two people.
I would like to tell Yinxi that love is living for yourself, how much security you have, how much stability will love give you.
(The pictures are from the screenshots of the TV series "Please advise more for the rest of your life", if there is infringement, please contact to delete)