Patience is the greatest love for a child

If you don't raise children, you don't know your parents' grace. I didn't believe in such a common sense. Now, however, I am not immune. I have to admit that in terms of raising children, I may not be able to surpass my parents, and even whether I can catch up with them is unknown.

The children grew up around me and my wife and almost never left our side. Although I have been careful about my child's education, I have unconsciously made a fatal mistake: I always spare no effort to use my life experience to help my child not make mistakes.

At every important stage of my child's development, I regard myself as the protagonist, and I want to use the careful thinking of an adult to guide or force her to take fewer detours and do things according to the optimal route I have specified. This terrible strong intervention is not necessarily all bad, of course, and the well-behaved child seems to cooperate with me most of the time, until the hormones of youth awaken her, and our relationship completely collapses.

Always dissatisfied with children, everything must be intentionally or unintentionally pointed out, and the truth of size runs through all aspects of life. Finally, because of the epidemic for a long time, I completely angered my children. She could already tearfully express her grievances, and the self-proclaimed image of a perfect father collapsed, and it turned out that in the eyes of my children, I was an authoritarian tyrant.

A tyrant is a tyrant, how to wear makeup can not change the essence, like to sow seeds in the brain of others, but no matter how this child grows next. Is this to turn your own children into marionettes? Because she doesn't have your experience, she wants to live in your training, and obey your orders in everything?

I felt scared and lucky. I'm afraid that if my children don't protest so strongly against me, I don't know how many ridiculous things I'll do. Murdering children in the name of love is often very hidden, but the result is often very cruel. Fortunately, after the fierce conflict, under the joint crusade of children and wife, I finally woke up and began to change my thinking little by little. This kind of change is actually very difficult, the country is easy to change, and the nature is difficult to move. However, I must change, because it may be related to the fate of the child's life, and of course, it is also related to the fate of my wife and me.

At this time, I suddenly stopped feeling lost in the generation gap between myself and my parents that could never be crossed. I recalled the bits and pieces of my parents as a child, and what impressed me was the feeling that I could ignore their existence for a long time and slowly lick my inner wounds alone after the unexpected failure of the college entrance examination.

I know how important that process of quietly tasting pain and slowly self-awakening is to a person's growth. But without children of their own, they may never understand that the completely independent space necessary for self-transformation is not automatically possessed for no reason. That's how much reproach and anxiety my parents have suppressed with somehow patience to leave it to me!

Isn't the reason why I can become who I am now, a person who is rarely followed by others and even dares to be a maverick, is not the result of their long-term patience and tolerance for me?

When I was young, I was very unaccustomed to my father's vulgar and outdated values, and often had fierce debates with him over small things, and each debate basically ended in my victory. At that time, I really thought that I was very eloquent, and now I understand that the reason why I have won every battle is mostly because my mother always stood by my side without principle and with great determination. In such a situation, the grumpy father often can only shake his head and admit defeat. Even so, I often did not spare him, silently protesting against my father for days without speaking to him.

When a university president talks about the education of his children, he believes that the relationship between parents and children is sometimes a contradiction. If you are weak, she is strong, she can be careful if you are careless, she can think more if you think less, and she can win if you lose. The wisdom of educating a child is actually very screwed, and what kind of person you want her to be, sometimes the actual situation is just the opposite.

In the battle with the child, you may be able to speak sharply and show greatness, but in the end you must learn to be patient and give in, and ensure that the victorious side is the child, not yourself! If you win, or even always win, then you lose completely.

I remember when I first entered the society, I still did not change the habit of strongly opposing my father's suggestions, and my mother still supported me as always. However, when I really do things, I often think of my father's words, and sometimes I unconsciously follow my father's ideas in actual actions. People are so strange that opposition is sometimes just for face.

Now I am the father of my children, no better off than my father was, and almost all suggestions are quickly and cruelly rejected by my children.

However, since I learned to show weakness and admit defeat, and not to emphasize or force everything, my mood has been much better. Because it is not necessarily when the child will suddenly and seriously carry out the things that she has fiercely opposed, it is really an unspeakable surprise! As time passes, children's tempers have not changed, and they are often very tough on the surface, but very soft on the inside.

It is far easier to endure the child's willfulness and obvious bad habits than it is to reason with her, to constantly remind her, or to try to correct her immediately. Because the latter will only cause the child's disgust, and even trigger a fierce backlash.

Tolerating a child's mistakes and never depriving her of the right to make mistakes is the true love for the child. Such a wisdom of love, which requires patience and setbacks to grasp, not only makes herself easy, but also seems to make the child become herself more quickly.

When a child reaches a certain age, she must accept the reality that she is moving toward mediocrity little by little. The process of growing up is the process of parents' expectations decreasing little by little.

We had to slowly abandon any modification of our children. For the growth of the child, the parents have only the power to advise. No matter how carefully you have planned your child's life, it is as if nothing has happened. How to fly and where to fly, it all needs her own efforts, and she decides for herself.

If you think about it, my parents must have had a lot of wishful thinking and plans for me, and I must have broken their countless dreams and finally had a completely different life from them. So what reason do I have to design my children's lives? How can it be designed successfully?

Long Yingtai said that parents and children will eventually drift apart. It's a reality that can't be changed, and the child's life is destined to be farther and farther away from me, and the less interference there is, the more beneficial it is to her.

There are some detours that parents can't stop, and all they can do is to silently gaze at the child's back, surprise her joy, comfort her pain, and understand her situation. If she can not forget the existence of her parents when she is lost and helpless, and can also say a few words of truth to her parents, and take comfort and strength from her parents, it is a great success for parents.

I really don't want her future to be like mine, in order to avoid a strong collision between values, in order to reduce the trouble that in-depth communication may bring, when facing her parents, she is neither willing to report good news nor worry, and always maintain a non-territorial distance from her parents. However, the world is unpredictable, and if you do not take the road of life yourself, you will never be able to understand the helplessness and hardships in it.

From then on, I no longer hope that my daughter will become a phoenix, I hope that my son will become a dragon, and I no longer hope that I can become a good father. I want to listen to my child's voice as gently and patiently as possible, and no longer easily provide any solution, so why not return all possibilities to my child and leave everything to fate's arrangement? As a parent, what you really have to do is to be yourself and be less nosy when your child doesn't need you! Patience is the greatest love for the child and the greatest salvation for oneself.