In a word, the sense of security that boys want is a stable and positive feedback for girls.
Like girls, they all need boys to take the initiative to do for you, such as spending money for you, preparing surprises, so that girls will have a sense of security, and girls' sense of security is provided by boys. But boys are not.
From the perspective of nerve sensitivity, boys in intimate relationships, the level of emotional differentiation is not as high as that of girls, so many times, girls can realize the emotional problems, boys are not aware, some emotional rifts, contradictions, ah, often girls perceive, boys can not perceive.
Or maybe he can't understand.
Boys are relatively rational, even if they like a girl very much, he will not say that the emotional sensitivity is very high like a woman.
People with high sensitivity, at the beginning of the emotional boundary will expand wider than others, such as children, observe the meticulous children's imagination is rich, the world is wider, girls are like this, emotional elasticity, her boundaries are wider, more endurance.
And the boy is a narrow boundary, his ability to bear things like his straight line thinking, to a certain extent will collapse, unlike girls she will self-regulate quickly after reaching a certain level, you think about it, girls continue to fake break up She can also find her own internal reasons to continue to forgive this boy and reunite with this boy.
And how is the boy, he is constantly instilled with negative energy, such as you often emotional, quarrel, accuse and belittle him, etc., say some of the kind of excessive anger that will be said when quarrelling, the boy will completely accumulate it.
When he reaches his boundary, to his range of endurance, he will have a strong sense of powerlessness, saying that I can't stand it, and then immediately show a series of impatient avoidance behaviors, negative emotions occupy reason, and the relationship directly pulls the alarm.
Boy he didn't have a process of repeatedly bouncing back to find some internal reason to whitewash his feelings, he was a straight line when he fell down that feeling.
Therefore, many girls do not understand why boys are so good and patient with themselves at the beginning, and in the end they don't even bother to talk about the reason.
Because the boy can't understand your aggressive behavior, when he can't understand, he will naturally feel that you are suppressing him, denying him, looking down on him, etc., and finally he himself began to self-doubt in this relationship, feeling that he had no value, was not loved, and his ability was constantly being consumed. His sense of security declined linearly.
Then what to do with the boy, he can only use the remaining energy to protect himself, will not be like a girl to impress the other party with the effort, the boy encounters danger is cautiously avoided, then his initiative in the relationship will have a cliff-like decline.
The girls may wonder, can girls only put away their temper and suppress themselves in their feelings?
That's definitely not ah, how can you fall in love without quarrelling, right, our key is to find the right way to fall in love.
To give the boy a sense of security, not to reduce his sense of security.
How to create this sense of security, back to what we said at the beginning, what boys need is a positive feedback.
For example, boys are more acceptable to be guided, not required, asked to do what he originally did not want to do, it contains a denial of him, denial is easy to hurt self-esteem, creating contradictions, because negation is a negative behavior, bringing negative emotions, will reduce the sense of security.
And the guidance, focusing on giving the boy positive feedback, some comfortable experience, let him subconsciously feel that I am being affirmed for doing this, I am right to do this, I pay these are good, can be self-satisfied, not because not to do these girlfriends will be angry.
When he internalizes this concept in this way, he will naturally feel more secure.
On the contrary, when he is always forced by you to pay, he will not feel that he will pay because he likes it more, he will feel that you forced him, it is an external reason, this is not his own internal driving force.
Over time, he feels less like you.
To tell the truth, boys are really not good at talking about love, even if he has a lot of emotional experience and is very good at learning, he may be overwhelmed.
When facing different people, do not know what to do is right, he needs you to give him stable and positive feedback, so that the heart will have certainty about this relationship.
So girls should learn to guide each other, let him know what to do to you, let him know what your desired emotional state is like, then he will do the right thing at the right time.
For example, if you are already very angry, but you don't want to break up, you just want the boy to realize that what he is doing is not right, so can you vent your emotions play a guiding role? Will he coax you into thinking he's wrong?
I tell you no, there is a high probability that he will fight with you because he has lost his sense of security, and he will fight with each other and argue with you to death.
This is certainly not the girl's purpose, this is the wrong guidance, this is the negative consequences of negative feedback.
The best example of positive feedback is to tell the boy that I can see where you are doing well, I can see how you feel, and what I hope you can do now, you go to give him a sense of identity, and then guide him what to do, he will feel that the feelings are going up, not down.
If you want to have a good love, you really can't think too much, especially girls, don't worry about whether the boys pay first, you give positive things first, the other party responds to you, this is very normal, as long as two people have the determination to change for each other, then your feelings can be long-term.
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C