Author┃ Xiao Yaoyue Read aloud ┃ Shiso
Guidance ┃ Guo Xinai Editor ┃ 丄学号
Recently brushed videos, saw a lot of "knife mouth" bombing by parents, as a viewer and outsider, I think it is very funny.
It turns out that the parents of each family treat the lazy children at home with the same, contemptuous eyes, disgusted looks, coupled with the wild spray without punctuation, most people are very happy to see.
It wasn't until my friend told me about her that I realized that the "knife mouth" of her parents may also cause harm to the child.
Years later, when we were dating friends for dinner, the two of us were chatting and brushing our phones, and she suddenly put her phone in front of my eyes and asked me: "Do you think this is funny?" ”
I looked at it, it was a mother who was lazy at home, not as good as the two Ha at home, and she could also give the owner a slipper.
The comments section was also full of laughter.
I knew that she had a general relationship with her parents, so I deliberately said, "These are all posing, all words that have been thought out in advance." ”
She took back the mobile phone, was silent for a few seconds, and said: "Before, my parents often said that it was better to raise me than to have a dog, and the dog could still wag its tail at them, I had no use for anything, living was superfluous, listening more, I also felt that I was superfluous, and I wanted to jump from the upstairs many times." ”
It is precisely because she suffered too much "knife mouth" from her parents when she was a child, so she always spoke to her children gently and never spoke irritating language to her children.
In getting along with people, the ancients have long had the classic saying that "a good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June".
For people who always like to say evil words, people always say that this is "knife mouth, tofu heart".
Psychological counselor Hu Shenzhi once said to parents of the "knife mouth tofu heart style": "When parents need to use this way to express love to their children, children have long been scratched by their parents' knife mouths. ”
One
The impact of the "knife mouth" on children's growth
My elementary school classmate Qingqing never took the initiative to communicate with people when he was in school, and when he was nervous, his words were incomplete, and he always kept his head down and did not look at people.
Once, we were passing by a shop opened by Qingqing's family.
Qingqing was helping her mother carry the goods, the big box, pressed against her thin shoulders, watching her tremble and walk towards the store.
Qingqing's mother sat on the side and kept nagging: "It took such a long time to move these, I see that you can't move tomorrow, you haven't eaten enough?" ”
"This bit of work is grinding and chirping, and the food is eaten into the belly of the dog."
Qingqing just smiled and continued to work, obviously taking two steps around when passing her mother.
Classmates familiar with her family said that her mother often poked her forehead with her finger and said, "It is better to have a dog to look after the family than to raise such a big white." ”
It is said that Qingqing resisted when she was in kindergarten, but her mother stuffed a basket, put a bowl and chopsticks in the basket, pushed it outside the door, let Qingqing go to ask for food, and said that Qingqing would not dirty the home outside when he died.
Qingqing was afraid, crying at the door, the neighbor could not look down, knocked on the door of her house to persuade, Qingqing's mother let her into the house.
Later, Qingqing was obviously more obedient, but slowly became timid and unwilling to communicate with people.
When visiting the mall last year, I happened to meet Qingqing with her son, and found that she was still as bad at words as when she was a child, and she did not dare to look at people squarely, bowed her head when talking, secretly glanced at a few times, and was still so overwhelmed to get along with people.
Speaking is an art, the same meaning, in different terms, give people a different feeling.
A person's mouth is ironic and sarcastic, and adults will feel bad when they listen to it, not to mention children whose three views are not yet sound.
Under the poison of his mother's "knife mouth", It is difficult for Qingqing to make friends normally.
A person who has long grown up in the "knife mouth" language environment will have two extremes.
Either, the "knife mouth" that is more powerful is cultivated when there is a rebellion; or, like Qingqing, it becomes cringe and shrinks, and lacks the ability to communicate.
Two
This avoids the vicious circle of "knife mouth"
Have you found that when we face outsiders, we can always control our emotions, but in the face of relatives, especially children, it is easy to lose our minds and talk with a knife.
So, how can we get out of the strange circle of "knife mouth"? The following three methods are for parents who are deeply involved in it.
01
Deal with yourself and your "knife mouth" parents
The mode of getting along avoids the infiltration of emotions
Our parents' speech habits have been difficult to change, and the way we speak to our children will be affected by them to some extent.
For example, I like to say some percussive language: "You can't do this well, what is the use." Or use the radical method: "I don't think you can do it, you are not that piece of material." ”
We can reply in a humorous and roundabout way: "What's the use of me, I'm a little cotton jacket, give you a wind shield." "This piece of material of mine is not something you have carefully carved."
If you meet a parent who loves more sincerely and does not like to joke, you can analyze the meaning behind the parent's words.
If they just talk about it, you don't have to care, if you really want you to do something, you can deal with it according to your situation.
With the "knife mouth" parents, we must learn not to stick the words with the "knife" into the heart, which will bring emotions in order to pull out the "knife" to attack another person.
02
Adjust your patterns with your child
Put away your "knife"
Can you recall, when will you show the "knife" in your relationship with your child?
When children make mistakes, when they don't obey, when they make trouble, and so on.
When a child cries in infancy, we look for the cause and see if we're hungry or pulled.
Why is it that when the child is older, we can easily get angry and reprimand the child? Because we don't look for reasons anymore.
When a child accidentally breaks a cup, our first reaction is that we should not reprimand.
Instead, first ask the child: "Baby is all right, whether the hand is injured, whether the foot is scratched." ”
After that, work with the child to clean up the glass shards, and finally tell the child to hold the cup next time.
You see, it was not very smooth to deal with this little accident.
03
Adjust your relationship with your own bad emotions
Mode away from the "knife mouth"
Some people, as soon as bad emotions come up, always want to prick the people who are close to them, so that they can be comfortable, because only close people can tolerate their own unscrupulousness.
In fact, bad emotions will not find you for no reason, it will always be caused by something, but when bad emotions come, many people subconsciously will not pay attention to the source.
Therefore, we must go back to the source to solve the problem, even if we can't solve it for the time being, we must warn ourselves that this is our own business, and do not emotionally involve others, especially innocent children.
When your bad emotions collide with your child's affairs, you have to do a good job of emotional separation.
Take a few deep breaths, calm your brain, pause your thoughts, and then get rid of the emotional impact of the previous event and pull the center of gravity back to the current thing.
It is to jump out of the previous thing and deal with the later things, so that you will not open your "knife mouth" to deal with the child's affairs because of bad emotions.
Three
Get rid of talking "knife mouth"
It is a necessary practice for parents today
In the community, I met our eldest sister upstairs, and she complained to me that her daughter, who was in the third grade of elementary school, talked to her yesterday.
She was so angry that she yelled at the child: "You eat me, wear mine, use mine, you are bold, dare to pat the table with me." ”
The child shouted in disbelief: "Then I will not eat." ”
The eldest sister said angrily, "Who are you threatening?" What you wear is what I bought, and you don't wear it if you have the ability. ”
Originally wanted to scare a little, did not expect the child to start undressing on the spot, while crying while taking off, the child's father took a look, but do not stimulate the child to make a good villain, hurry to play the round field, both sides coaxed.
Some people say that the psychological endurance of children is too poor now, and they dare not say that when we were young, we were beaten every day, and we did not jump around alive.
In fact, the most fundamental difference is that the growth and living environment are completely different.
In our childhood, in addition to learning, we can also play with our friends, go down to the river to touch fish, go up to the tree to pick up bird eggs, play with mud, jump leather bands, etc., which can make us exercise a strong and open-minded heart.
Today's children, growing up in the house, play with themselves, communicate less with their peers, and if they are unhappy, they can only hold it in their hearts or passively resist.
There is a question and answer on Zhihu: "Do you have knife-mouthed parents in your family?" ”
A netizen said that her mother is, she knows that her mother is for her good, but she really does not like that her mother always talks and hurts people, and feels that the harm of the knife mouth to her has always existed, affecting her also has this tendency.
Therefore, as parents, we must also keep pace with the times and deal with children's problems rationally, and the "knife mouth" cannot express our love for our children.
Trying to get rid of the "knife mouth" of talking is a necessary practice for parents today.
Author: Xiao Yaoyue, female, 36 years old, has a small cotton jacket, corporate financial accountant, grew up in the hometown of Confucius and Mengzi, the hometown of Mencius, Zoucheng City, Jining City, Shandong Province.
The current focus of independent learning: the study of the emotional and psychological conditions of children aged 6-8 years, and the learning of how to deal with the rebellious period of children at this stage.
Motto: Hard work will have results, one step forward, you will gain more than standing still.
Appreciation belongs to the author
Reader┃Perilla
Shiso, a native of Benxi, Liaoning, now living in Japan, has a master's degree, always keeps his curiosity, strives to be a slash youth, loves life, loves reading, and is eager to convey warmth and strength with sound.
Shanbo Education Guide ┃ Guo Xinai
Guo Xinai, principal of a primary school in Shenzhen, a first-class teacher, a family education instructor, an advanced educator in Bao'an District, served as the director of the Moral Education Office, engaged in education for 34 years, loves calligraphy and literary creation, and his works have repeatedly won awards in various calligraphy and literature competitions at all levels, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of youth growth, psychological education and parent-child parenting.