"You are a sister, you should let your brother."
Sugar mom has been carrying small candies for several years, and I often hear a parent educate their children in this way. As a result of education, Dabao is very aggrieved every time, and he is becoming more and more willful.
So when I was pregnant with my second child, I vowed that I would never talk to Little Candy like this. Because whether the second child is a younger brother or a younger sister, the phrase "let the ta" is not suitable for the education treasure.
After the birth of the second child, Dabao shouted "I hate you"
Some time ago, the neighbor pulled me and talked for a long time. Ask me how to do it, so that the eldest does not beat the second, does not bully the second, the two children can get along with each other?
His two children are 2 years apart, the brother has to grab things with his sister every day, from toys and clothes, to the sister is eating complementary food, whether the brother likes it or not, he must grab it and take it in his hand to be at ease.
The family repeatedly stressed that the brother must let the younger sister, and it was difficult for the brother to change the behavior of robbing things, but a bigger problem appeared.
When my brother looks at his sister now, his eyes are "vicious", and once he wanted to reach out and hit his sister, shouting that I hate you. Fortunately, you were stopped by your family in time, so that you were not injured.
In the words of the neighbor, the relationship between the eldest and the second is like a time bomb in the family. The eldest became angry when he didn't agree, and the second was scared and cried, not knowing how to resist. The neighbors are worried that if this continues, will the brothers and sisters turn against each other?
Since Dabao promised to let the second child, why would he "hate" the second child?
Observing many second-child families around, children can't talk about turning against each other when they are young, but there is a common point that Dabao is easy to become the disobedient child in the family.
Where do children understand what hate is? In fact, they just transferred their dissatisfaction with their parents to the second child.
It turned out that my choice was correct, and when I didn't deliberately emphasize to Little Candy and let my brother go, she was more receptive to her brother, more pampered, and she was very happy.
No matter how old the second child is, it is the child of the parents and mothers, if there is "hate", it is also derived from the accumulation of every little thing in life, and the mental process of Dabao is rarely carefully studied by parents.
At first, they felt insecure, afraid that erbao would come to share the love of their parents and mothers; slowly they found that their treatment had indeed changed, and all the good things would be given to themselves, and now they had to be given to their younger siblings.
When Dabao expressed his dissatisfaction and grievances many times, but he did not get the attention of his parents, he was asked to let his younger siblings go. He blamed his dissatisfaction with his parents on the fact that there was an extra child in the family.
It is not so much that he hates his younger brothers and sisters, but rather that he hates himself for not being able to get as much love as before, so he will use many abnormal performances to get attention.
It is common to deliberately make trouble, lose temper, and bully the second child, but I want my parents' eyes to stay on themselves for a while.
There should be no hatred between the two children, and parents should dismantle this "time bomb"
If you want Dabao to change his mentality, you can't just persuade him to be generous, but to solve the following problems in the family, in which parents are very critical.
1) Regardless of age, love is mutual
Only when a child feels loved can he have the ability to love. If you want dabao to spoil your brother more, then what parents have to do is to pamper Dabao more.
The fairness between children should not be measured by age, why should the big one let the child, is not the age, the more you get.
Two children should care for and love each other, if the parents blindly let the big treasure let the second treasure, not only let the big treasure suffer grievances, but also let the second treasure become arrogant, the relationship between the two children is rigid.
2) Parents are reasonable, children are reasonable
One of the most common mistakes that most families make is to criticize Dabao first when there is a contradiction. Because they subconsciously feel that young children are easy to be bullied, in fact, it may be Erbao naughty, really provoking Dabao to be angry.
Little Candy once beat my brother to tears, and I couldn't help but get angry because Little Candy had tears in her eyes.
I realized that she was holding a broken Barbie doll in her hand, and one of the doll's arms was in her brother's hand, and it turned out that the younger brother had broken her sister's beloved toy.
I first promised Little Candy to help her fix the doll, and then calm the emotions of the two dolls. My brother couldn't speak yet, so I asked my brother to take my sister's hand and say sorry for him.
But Little Candy's move was also inappropriate, so I let her rub the location where her brother was hurt, and Little Candy actually took the initiative to say sorry.
Since then, even if the younger brother provokes the sister to be angry, the sister will not directly do it, but will come to me to preside over justice, and after solving the problem, the relationship between the sisters and brothers is still very close.
Candy Mother's Heart:
The details mentioned above, no matter what the gender combination between the two children is, no matter how many years they are different, if they don't hate each other, education is the same.
The younger the two children in a two-child family, the easier it is to establish this simple loving relationship. If you want to defuse the time bomb between their relationships, parental guidance is crucial.
【Today's topic】Do you think that in the second-child family, the eldest must let the second child?