What are the things that have been done in marriage to offset the demons?

*Title Source: Question 1 of this issue

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Question 1

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keywords: thunder

Doll fairy, there is a problem has been haunting the heart, want to ask about the doll, marriage for more than 8 years

男34,175cm,62kg

Female 32, 165, 60, has a child aged 7

About 15 to 17 years at that time was just after giving birth to a child feel a little depressed, there is a point is that their own PU is too high and do not know themselves, feel very done, after inadvertently seeing the doll fairy's public name, feel that many of the questions in the micro-questions are similar to their own ideas, only to feel that their problems are very large, these years slowly run into their own personality, often observe their own hearts and other people's marriages from which to feel a lot, the heart is also very calm, now life is very content

The problem is:

The things done when the PU was high in the past few years (mainly verbal complaints, there is also a little important thing is to chat with the previous blind date, and it is not out of line just bored to be seen by the husband to see the chat history, and now regret it) Will the back be bao Lei?

Now I am worried about losing my stable life.

answer

There will be thunder, but when it will explode depends on your life situation, and the initiative is now in the hands of your husband.

For example, if you chat with a blind date once, you can probably exchange it for a husband who is seriously ill and bedridden, and you take care of it closely at the bedside for half a year, without complaint, you can offset it. For example, it is possible that he encountered something particularly difficult, or that his parents and brothers owe millions of dollars in debt, at this time, you stand up and pay it back with him, and the debt of grace will be offset, and the knot in his heart will slowly dissipate.

The same type of thing is prioritized and so on.

In short, the best way to deal with this matter is to let you encounter a better opportunity to reduce the PU in the future.

There are many people who don't have the right opportunity to lower the PU, and when they meet a third party, the marriage breaks down.

Also, chatting with blind dates is not because of boredom, it is your genes, your instincts that control you, in the eyes of your husband, this is a thing that is ready to cheat, do not underestimate the imagination of men. There are many girls who are like this, thinking that they have a bit of posture, taking other people's short choices for themselves as growth choices, and doing things that are not good for their marriage. When it was time to pay off the debt, I regretted how good it would be for us to live a little more peacefully this day; how good it would be if my husband went to work every month, gave me all the money, and then took care of the children.

Unfortunately, there are not so many things that can be regretted, and now he is good or bad to you, it is completely his own decision, you can not decide. Since you have made a mistake and lost the possibility of a stable marriage, if you still have a relationship, you will be more careful to live hard in the future, accumulate more low PU, and try your best to be nice to him.

Question 2

Keywords: single-minded

Hello sister doll, thank you for your efforts to make me very profitable in interpersonal relationships and gender issues. Existing issues that cannot be solved, we hope to get your reply.

We are in a different place, in love for 4 years, the same as the junior college, the mainland enterprise to work, the monthly salary of 8k, the boyfriend to do business annual income of about 30. This year, I just got into graduate school and I'm about to go to his city to study.

Our emotional concentration has always been very high, when we were in love for more than a year, his father died of illness, and he spent almost all the money in the family because of the disease, which should have accompanied him through the most difficult period.

Originally we were planning to get the license, accidentally found him WeChat and friends chat said that he had found Xiao J (last year's chat history, every time I met I would probably look at his mobile phone, after the discovery he said that it was because in the business field many people went out to find *, people laughed at his wife Guan Yan, he lied to people that he had found it, and also saw the record that he took friends from other places to find Xiao J, he said he did not go in, just took a bath downstairs, there was no special service.

I immediately said to break up, and then he used his father to swear that he had not done these things, and also used his living mother to swear, and also went to the temple to pray to Bo Sa swore that he had not done anything sorry for me, transferred the money on the bank card to me, the salary card also added my SMS notification number, promised to write a prenuptial agreement If he cheated and went out of the house, promised that the house notarization belonged only to me, I was now reluctant to give up, and I didn't know whether I should believe him in the end. Now that we haven't got our licenses, I said we needed to give me some more time.

Sister Doll, what should I do? Hard doll sister and little assistant, whether they are selected or not, are grateful for the efforts of your entire team

You look a lot better than your boyfriend, and with the difference in choice between the two of you, he really should make such a poisonous oath and give you such a promise. But even if he gives you so much parenting investment and emotional value, even if what he says now is true, it doesn't mean that he won't do anything sorry for you in his lifetime.

Because he is in business, he necessarily needs to enter various social situations, inevitably exposed to similar things, how can you guarantee that he will always be clean and uninvited? If people "laugh at his wife's strict management" a few more times, will he not be able to bear it? Now is the time when your MV is the highest, in three years and five years your MV drops after marriage and pregnancy?

On the other hand, even if your boyfriend swears a poisonous oath and gives you the house and money, your inner thoughts are not a gamble, and if you lose the bet, you will admit it. Instead, he had a knot in his heart and felt that he was to blame for this. Resentment is like a cancer cell, which spreads quickly without control, and will turn your mentality of looking at many problems from positive to negative until it is "terminally ill". This is not a willingness to turn the page, which is not good for your future feelings.

Coupled with the fact that you have not received a license, you still have a chance to choose, or it is better to break up with him and find it again. It's not easy to wash a white shirt that has been splashed with ink, so it's better to buy a new white shirt and wear it beautifully.

However, you have to be mentally prepared. The difference between your and your boyfriend's right to choose can be exchanged for each other's singleness, and you can't exchange each other's money, money and single-mindedness, you can only choose one of the two. Break up with him, is to want to be more dedicated, the next object's income, the probability will be on the basis of your current discount, even with your monthly salary is almost the same, the total investment in your parents is certainly not as good as the current boyfriend.

Question 3

Keywords: husband unemployed

My husband is 41 years old this year, with a master's degree, and now belongs to the state of unemployment, each job is not done for a long time, most of them are dismissed, and now they don't want to go out to find a job

Our two children are only 3 years old, life pressure is very high, now completely rely on the mother-in-law to make up for the day, I don't know how to make him have a sense of family responsibility, for the sake of the child do not want the family to disperse, very confused

Your appeal is for the sake of the child does not want the family to be separated, that can only be that you do not ask the other party to have a sense of family responsibility.

Some people just don't want to work, many scissors male competition is not good, if the girl can go out on their own to earn money, then the family can also maintain a very stable. As you said, relying entirely on your mother-in-law to make up for your life is also a method, because your mother-in-law may know your husband better, so she is willing to make up for it.

You can't force your husband to have a sense of family responsibility, you find a beautiful flower, you can no longer ask him to grow into a big tree to let you and your children cool off. He may have provided you with good genes or good temper, he has a good mother as your mother-in-law, and he can't give any more.

So whether you can live now depends entirely on whether you can let go of your expectations of the other party's competition.

Old powder advanced

Question 4

Keywords: first love

I have been in love with my husband for more than 6 years. I'm of marriageable age now but I'm sad because people around me have advised me to break up. The reason is that the man's family conditions are not good.

Let me briefly introduce the man's family conditions:

His parents divorced, his mother, and he had two older sisters. Mom worked irregularly, sometimes selling vegetables and sometimes working as a nanny. There is no social security.

The boyfriend repaired the car, currently has no deposit, has 1 car, and owes about 6.

If married, the minimum requirement for a woman is to have a house. The man's down payment, we offer, or the second-hand one. But the man said he didn't have that much money. A minimum of 6.6W or more for the bride price is my minimum requirement, and the man cannot meet it

Sisters, if you talk about this level, how do you choose?

Do not look at the appearance, simply look at his conditions, divorced family, two sisters, family conditions are not good, boys themselves, there is no car, there is no house, there is arrears, the original family is unstable, the father has less investment in parenthood, his own competitive ability is poor, and he also bought a car to expand the radius of activities, so that a girl with the best mate selection period can still consider marrying him in the case of no guarantee in the future life, can the attribute be anything else in addition to scissors?

Judging from the photo, your boyfriend has a clear eyebrow, the corners of his mouth are slightly sniffed, and he is very relaxed in front of the camera, which also verifies his shearing.

Moreover, as far as the current situation is concerned, it is you who want to get married, and it is you who promote marriage, on the contrary, your boyfriend has not shown too strong sincerity of long choice. To put it mildly, is that you want to stay, you can stay, you can leave when you want, he is not afraid of losing you at all.

The ideas of the people around you are right, your choice is not high, the sensitivity is not strong, if you can't listen to the advice of people from home, choose a boy who treats himself sincerely and meets the needs of future survival, your life will be very difficult.

First love is always unforgettable, but it does not mean that your whole life must be locked in a firm lock with your first love, you have the opportunity to choose a better person and better feelings, or leave the person who does not love you as soon as possible, and find a boy who cherishes you is the right thing.

Question 5

Keywords: peek at the phone

The conditions of both people belong to the general population, the introduction of acquaintances in love less than a year pregnant before the marriage is put on the agenda, there is no sense of ceremonial romance, married for five years with a son and a daughter

When I was five or six months pregnant with my second child, I found that my husband and colleagues had indirectly known a woman who was a year older than me for about three or four years, and the interaction behavior was a bit excessive, often calling her takeaway birthday and sending cakes to her to buy anti-slip mats, because she said that she slipped in the bathroom, the point is that he has not called me a takeaway to deliver cake, and he is not so careful about the things I said.

The woman's past few years have also sent him couriers from time to time, there are tourist specialties and fruits and I don't know what makes me feel that they are not simple and then peek at his mobile phone to find so many things. With a big belly and her husband spread out this matter a few times, the reply was probably that he had a good feeling for her, but did not think that to further development would not let her destroy our marriage, and said that it may be easy to even make friends if they go further, so let me be a very good ordinary friend. I also said that I deleted her several times, but I didn't do it once.

Peeking at the phone found that this month I bought her an easel again, I asked how to buy something for people again, he also said no, I said hehe Taobao bought something and deleted the record, and then he did not answer, so cold violence for three days, there are problems are cold violence, but also said that my current state is not suitable for solving the problem to not make a sound.

I knew I shouldn't peek at his phone but their behavior made me unstable. I also sensed his impatience and disgust for me looking at his phone. He's still good, but the way we communicate is not right.

In fact, I can accompany you to scold your husband. The problem is that this kind of thing, surely other people can accompany you to do it, and you are likely to have done it more than once or twice with your girlfriends and friends, and found it useless to your own life, so you came to me for help. Now that I've come, I'll tell you a few words of truth that can't be heard from the outside:

With this kind of unfair treatment, the first thing you should think about is why it happens to yourself (and not other women). And the answer to this question is that your choice in this relationship is likely to be much lower than that of the other party.

If it is a goddess who is higher than your husband's right to choose, then she will not agree to the boyfriend having a relationship without taking security measures in the relationship stage, and there will be no passive situation of unmarried pregnancy. If a boy wants to marry her, he must pay hard work and effort, parental investment, commitment ceremony, and nothing less. Because where the man does not do well, the goddess may worship and leave, and the boy will try his best to give because he is reluctant to lose. After marriage, as long as the goddess keeps her MV not falling, she can always have a deterrent effect on the boy and suppress the other party's desire to be more than a couple.

And in this relationship, you have no right to speak, there is no contraceptive right, unmarried pregnancy further lowers the MV, losing the initiative. I'm sure you probably thought about the fact that your husband probably didn't intend to marry you, but he had to marry you reluctantly because you were pregnant.

Since it is by pregnancy that you can enter this long-term relationship, you don't need to spend any time thinking about marrying you, let alone ritual and romance. If something, whether you put in the effort or not, it can be achieved, will you still try?

After marriage, with the birth of children, the MV is further reduced, and it is also an inevitable trend for your husband to become more and more perfunctory. In your question, the previous accusation that your husband is so much not, and finally the words turned around and said, "He is still good, but the communication method between the two of us is not right", this sentence once again shows that your husband is your high climbing object, even if you are treated like this, you still recognize him and are reluctant to leave him.

In summary, it is not that you have the wrong way of communication, but that your choice is completely unequal.

In addition, I have said many times, under the flat relationship, the mobile phone can be looked at casually, if the other party does not let you look at the mobile phone, it must be that there is something in the mobile phone that infringes on your interests. Under the relationship of high climbing, the other party wants you to see you, and does not want you to see you can not see. You yourself know this, so call it "peeking" and reflect on the wrong behavior of looking at your phone, which makes him angry.

In fact, with your current MV, it is very powerless to make any request for your husband, he does not even need to carry you in front of you, he clearly wants to continue to keep in touch with the woman, and you have no way to take him.

If you want to change the status quo, the only way is to bring up your choices completely and raise it to the point where your husband doesn't want to lose you. It's hard to do all this, but to get good treatment, it takes a lot of effort. You didn't send a picture, I can't give you specific advice, you can go and see what the standard outfits are for the beauties and work in that direction.

If it is too difficult for you to improve the MV, then you can also try to cultivate shear and stone, while changing the pattern to provide emotional value for your husband, while changing the pattern to make delicious meals for your husband, you can also have another child. When you fill your husband's heart and stomach, your relationship may have some room for redemption.