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After having the second child, I found out how serious and competent I was when I first gave birth to the eldest, and now I look at the second eldest, as if I am not biological, scrawled and confused every day, which is really in response to the sentence "The boss is raised according to the book, and the second is raised as a pig."
I believe that many second-born mothers have this feeling, especially now advocating "scientific parenting", mothers are eager to have a book in their hands, step by step according to the chapters to cultivate their children into the "perfect" cub in the book.
Moms know that absolute refinement can backfire
What is it like to seriously "raise a child according to a book"? A mom in a parenting forum shared her experience.
Because of her physical reasons, she is very difficult to conceive, so after successful pregnancy preparation, she is extra cautious, from pregnancy to the birth of the child to the ability to walk and talk, she almost turned over the parenting books recommended by others.
Outsiders look at her carefulness and seriousness as a mother, and they all have admiration, but only she knows that back home, she and her children are a mess!
Because she obeys the "scientific feeding" in the book too much, she sets an alarm clock to feed the baby every day, and sometimes the baby becomes nervous and anxious when she does not eat, and as a result, this worry leads to her lack of breast milk.
Wasted the power of the child until weaned, and began to worry about adding complementary food, to put it bluntly, or according to the set of theoretical formulas in the book to "make" their own children.
As if the child is a set machine, it needs to be turned on when it starts, and each step of operation must follow the set program.
But the child is not a machine, there is no perfect formula that can be applied to all children, and this mother is also too delicate to raise children, not to mention that she is physically and mentally exhausted, and the relationship with the child is not very good, and most importantly, the child has not grown up to be what she imagined.
In the issue of raising children, any mother strives for perfection, but it is also more likely to appear the result of "too much force", many second-child families treat the second child, far less enthusiastic and nervous than the eldest, more calm.
On the one hand, the accumulation of experience makes parents have self-confidence, on the other hand, parents find through comparison that sometimes it is good for their children to be loose.
The children who are finely fed are picky eaters and the stomach is not good, but the second child who is "raised according to the pig" eats Ma Ma Xiang and has a good appetite; the children raised according to the book have a glass heart and cry at every turn, and the second child who "fools" grows up is real and smart; careful education, the child is sick, and the appropriate decentralization makes the child more independent... "Scientific parenting" is not wrong, but there is certainly no absolute benchmark for raising children.
Raising children, sometimes you can listen to the voice of the heart
The more time you spend with your child, the more you will find that the big truths that are placed on your children are not fully applicable.
Some people say that children can't hug immediately when they cry, and they will become dependent; but in turn, some experts say that when children cry and don't feel safe, they will be gone, which do you let your mother listen to?
So, does the child cry and hug or not hug? My advice is not to be bound by the big truth, your own children know best, just do what you think!
Scientific parenting is to hope that mothers will abandon those old methods, do not affect the growth and development of children because of ignorance, rather than let mothers forcibly change the trajectory of their children's lives.
Everything has a two-sided nature, parents follow the book to raise children, but according to their own life experience for the child to make choices, not suitable for children.
Every child has its own growth rules, do not pursue absolutes in raising children, because the situation of each child and each family is different.
Failed mothers often complain, why did they give everything for their children, but in the end they still recruited a complaint? Because the way of love is too absolute, it binds the child and also anxietizes about himself.
The reference method is desirable, the complete reference is not rational enough, raising children's feelings is the foundation, the method is only auxiliary, with the heart to understand, with love to water, there is no theory.
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