In the two-year-old stage of Erbao, his performance is somewhat unsatisfactory, he will cry when he sees strangers, he will cry when he leaves his parents, and even when he goes to a strange new environment, he will be very uneasy, crying and making trouble.
Alas, is it really "the dragon gives birth to nine sons, each has its own good"?
My family's big treasure has a cheerful and outgoing personality, and the second treasure is crying, timid and clingy.
At one time, I suspected that I was taking care of my two children, and I couldn't keep up with my energy, and there was a situation where I could take care of Dabao and ignore The Second Treasure. So I felt guilty and desperately hoped to pay more attention to Erbao to make up for it, but Erbao's "glass heart" did not improve because of this.
Watching the child grow up day by day, if you do not change his "glass heart", how can you rest assured that he will go to kindergarten in the future, and how can you rest assured that he will carry out a new collective life alone?
To this end, I would like to ask my friends who are engaged in children's education for advice, what is the situation of Erbao?
The answer I got was a little different from what I imagined, and my friend told me that in psychology, children like Erbao belong to highly sensitive children. They are born with a more developed nervous system than children their age and are good at spotting subtleties in their environment. So the changes in the environment and things make them have emotional reactions. In the eyes of ordinary people, the child's performance is too timid, crying and poor adaptability.
In order to thoroughly understand the needs of highly sensitive children such as Erbao, I subsequently consulted a lot of relevant information.
Psychologist Elaine Allen said in his book "Discovering the Power of Sensitive Children": At least 20% of children have high sensitivity traits, boys and girls have the same proportion, and their personalities are innate and have them at birth.
Seeing this, I was slightly relieved, at least the personality of my family's second treasure, although niche, was not special.
In addition, unveiling the negative labels that others have attached to highly sensitive children, their advantages are also very many, such as:
Children have a strong ability to observe, pay great attention to details, even if the placement of potted plants in the home moves, it is difficult to escape their "fire eyes";
They are not only intelligent, but also have a strong ability to think, even if it is the fluctuations of the external temperature, the characteristics of plants, etc., the children perceive more details than children of the same age, thinking more deeply, and it is precisely because of this that they react more intensely to the outside world.
So, how is the personality of highly sensitive children developed?
, genes and genetic factors. If one of the parents falls into this sensitive group, the higher the rate of high sensitivity in the child.
This statement has also been confirmed by practice from my mother's mouth, in my mother's words: Wasn't you the same as The Second Treasure when you were a child? Always out of place, too noisy environment also like to cry, in the face of unfamiliar people also make trouble.
Factors of the family environment and the growing environment. Certain parenting styles also have an impact on a child's personality formation and sensitivity.
Whatever the reason for the child's high sensitivity, do not regard this personality as "trouble", on the contrary, this is the child's most beautiful personal physique. We must believe that as long as parents guide the law and break through the "sensitive" restrictions on the child's personality, they will open up infinite possibilities in the future, after all, this "high sensitivity" trait occupies the advantage of talent, even if they may be more introverted in personality, but their minds are more delicate, their observation ability is stronger, and what they see, hear, think and think may be more than ordinary children.
After thoroughly understanding the causes and characteristics of highly sensitive children, education can also master the corresponding skills:
Identify with your child's feelings
Many times, the behavior of highly sensitive children makes parents feel that they are too "done". For example, my second treasure told me in the stage of learning to speak, he did not like to wear this dress, at first I thought that the child was just fooling around, and then patiently guided him to ask him, why not wear this dress? The reply was that the dress was too tight and uncomfortable to strangle around the neck.
Therefore, after this, when Erbao performed "doing", I first gave him recognition, and then guided him to say his ideas and discuss the solution to the problem with him.
Don't intimidate him rudely
I have to admit that the needs of high-sensitivity children are indeed more than ordinary children, and the difficulty coefficient of raising them is also higher, and children may cry "inexplicably" at every turn.
At the beginning, when I didn't understand this trait, my patience was exhausted, and I would also stop Erbao from "not crying" without a good temper, but the result was not ideal.
After seriously studying the personality traits of highly sensitive children, I also began to improve my parenting methods, and I would not use this simple and rude way. First calm their emotions, then guide the child to tell the reason for his crying, and then propose multiple solutions for the child to choose which one is suitable.
After trying, I found that this method of communication was much more effective than the initial simple and rude stop.
Don't compare children to others
Children with high sensitivity are definitely more "tired" than ordinary children, when they can't eat, many parents will inevitably compare with children of the same age to see why other people's children are so lively, why other people's children are so obedient, and the psychological gap will inevitably be very large for a while.
In fact, this comparison is a kind of harm to the child, high sensitivity children themselves emotional sensitivity is stronger than ordinary children, parents have no intention of revealing the information of comparison, it is easy to make the child hurt inside, get the parents do not love me, let them be more sensitive.
So, the baby you gave birth to, your own heartache! Don't take your child's shortcomings without moving, compare the strengths of other children, and cause invisible harm to your children.
Help your child socialize with their peers
Most high-sensitivity children have initially unsociable traits, because of their personality, they resist active communication with strangers, and if they are forced to be left in the crowd, the child will only feel afraid.
Therefore, in order to help Erbao make friends and open his social circle, I also took pains, such as:
Help him hold a small birthday party, invite friends and parents to play at home;
Help him prepare some novelty toys for him to share with his friends around him;
Take him to various large playgrounds and let him play games with his friends...
Erbao's progress is also obvious, from the beginning to the companionship of parents, to gradually let go of the independent integration into the circle of small partners.
Now, Erbao has been officially enrolled in the nursery for almost a year, because of the early preparation, his kindergarten life should be described as "like a fish in the water", there is no half of the discomfort, and also got back a lot of honorary small awards. While the child's self-confidence is enhanced, it is also to give full play to his observation characteristics, and when he goes home, he will tell various interesting things about the kindergarten.
Today's sharing is intended to tell parents with similar experiences that no child who is born "incomprehensible", even a highly sensitive child, is a little angel who has fallen into the world, as long as you master the education method, you will get a surprise reward.
Hello everyone, I am a cute baby brigade, seriously study the parenting skills of the second child mother, welcome to pay attention to me, I will really talk to you about some parenting dry goods, parenting on the road with you and cherish ~