Wen | Strange Flowers Blossom (Author of Fushu)
Deal with your own affairs, pay less attention to other people's affairs, and don't worry about God's affairs.
Schopenhauer said: People are like hedgehogs in the cold winter, too close to each other, they will be stinging; too far away from each other, they will feel cold.
People-to-people interaction is a science, handled well, they are happy with themselves and others are also relaxed, handled poorly, everyone is unhappy, and sometimes people fall into an embarrassing situation.
So-called: closeness and degree, in order to stay for a long time without getting tired.
The best way to interact with people is to keep your distance, have their own boundaries and know how to stop at the right time.
In life, the more people you come into contact with, the more you find out, and no matter how intimate the relationship, you must also pay attention to the sense of boundaries.
If there are no boundaries when we get along, it will become a disaster.
Do not interfere with the housework of relatives
The writer Mark Levy once wrote in his book The Man Who Stole the Shadow:
"You can't interfere in someone else's life, even if it's for the good of the other person, this is his life."
The people in the world, you are you, he is him, everyone, is an independent individual, thinks differently, and acts naturally differently.
Respecting the choices of others and not interfering is a manifestation of a person's upbringing.
Two days ago, a colleague said such a thing to me.
Li Ting's sister married a daughter-in-law, and the two young people were very affectionate.
Unexpectedly, after 3 months of marriage, in a physical examination, it was found that the daughter-in-law's fallopian tubes were blocked and it was difficult to have children.
After Li Ting heard about it, she repeatedly went to the door and persuaded her sister to divorce her son and daughter-in-law.
Because of her repeated interference, the two small Lao Yan flew apart.
Two years after the divorce, the sister's son was still a bachelor, and when he learned that his ex-wife had remarried and had children, he was remorseful.
Therefore, the sister's son went to Li Ting's house to make a big fuss, and the two families broke off contact.
No matter how good the brothers and sisters, once they have their own families, they are two families.
No matter how much you care about each other, you can't casually mix with other people's housework. Even if the intention is good, it will invisibly cause harm.
If things get worse and worse, when the time comes, they will blame you, because your participation has made the originally calm home more and more unmanageable.
For the family affairs of relatives, it is appropriate to provide help and advice, but it is not appropriate to interfere excessively.
If you are too enthusiastic, you are not interested, and you should never morally kidnap others in the name of good intentions.
Less care about the idle affairs of relatives, only when there is a closeness, the family can be truly harmonious. Leave enough room for each other to stay in the most comfortable state.
Between relatives, don't get too close. In this way, there is a "sense of beauty", in order to go long, and family affection will become more warm.
Don't spoil the affection between relatives because of your excessive involvement.
Friends' privacy, don't ask more
Sanmao said: "No matter how close a friend is, the measure cannot be lost, and he thinks he is familiar, and the result is that he is isolated." ”
Before not understanding this sentence, think that between friends, should be intimate, if you set boundaries for friends in your heart, it will produce a sense of distance, so that friends become strange.
The older you get, the more you find out that no matter how good your friends are, you must have a sense of boundaries with each other.
For the privacy of others, we do not ask much, do not pester, it is best to "do not enter".
So as not to bring unnecessary annoyance, embarrassment and embarrassment to others.
Not long ago, netizen Wei Chen shared such a story.
When I was in college, my roommate was good friends with a girl in the opposite dormitory.
The roommate talked about a boyfriend, and in the case of instability, he did not want to disclose it to the public for the time being.
But the girl on the other side didn't know how to find out, and chased the roommate all the way to the end with a reproachful tone.
Not only did he let his roommates share their "experiences" in front of all the dorm personnel, but he even went to test his roommates' boyfriends single-handedly.
This made the roommate feel embarrassed, depressed and depressed for a long time.
Subsequently, the two never appeared together again, becoming strangers who hated each other.
It is a very common but unstable thing for men and women to fall in love.
Feelings change rapidly, you an outsider is inconvenient to interfere in the feelings of friends, do not always ask about the emotional status of others because you have a good relationship with your friends.
Leave some privacy space for friends, she is reluctant to tell you, probably because she feels that her feelings are still unstable, and casually speaking out will affect her judgment.
Besides, you are not the person of the people, so why do you have to report everything to you?
Don't go into someone else's privacy, if you need to know, she will naturally let you know.
Every adult has a small corner that is not known, and from the perspective of a friend, not knowing how to respect each other and inquire about each other's privacy is itself a cross-line.
If you don't say it, I won't ask, leaving some space in the other person's heart is respect for the other party.
As the saying goes: the friendship of gentlemen is as light as water.
The best state of getting along between friends must be mutual respect. Keep just the right distance, don't cross the line, don't take yourself too seriously.
Knowing how to measure up and know how to advance and retreat is the best realm of being a person.
Don't be a joke about the past of others
As the old saying goes, "There is a ruler in words, and there is a degree of ridicule." ”
The speaker has no intention, the listener has a heart. Many times, making some indiscriminate jokes will make the listener's heart like a knife.
This year's Spring Festival, go back to my hometown for the New Year.
On the third day of the Chinese New Year, a rare warm winter sun, my husband and I walked around the pedestrian street, full of lanterns everywhere, full of flavor.
"Pig's trotters, when did you come back?" Suddenly, a blessed middle-aged man shouted at me. I was startled and looked at him sheepishly, and for a moment I couldn't remember who this person was.
"Me, the big horn". I suddenly remembered that he was my junior high school classmate and liked to spread gossip, nicknamed "Big Horn".
I held out my hand in embarrassment, trying to say hello to him, but he grabbed my husband and said, "Oh, you don't know, there were 4 of us carrying her, some with arms, some with legs, like the pig", laughing as he said.
The gentleman looked at me in shock, and the expression was difficult to say.
My face was flushed, my cheeks were feverish, and thankfully it was a concrete floor, otherwise I would have drilled into the ground earlier.
In the third year of junior high school, once, the class bell rang, the board book on the blackboard had not yet been wiped, I sat in the first row, and an arrow rushed up to wipe the blackboard.
When he got off the podium, he slipped under his feet, stepped on a drink bottle, and suddenly had a "close contact" with the ground.
After a lesson, the feet swelled up, and the nickname "pig's trotter" came from.
At that time, it was only 2 months away from the entrance examination, I did not dare to rest, the dormitory was on the third floor, there was no elevator, the teacher arranged for 3 boys to escort me up the stairs, three boys in front, girls in the back.
I stepped on the stairs with one foot, and they thought I was slow, and they couldn't help but say that they would put me up together.
Time has passed, this matter has passed more than ten years, but I did not expect that the memory of "big horn" has not faded.
In life, some people speak outright, think they are very blunt, and talk endlessly, without any regard for the feelings of others, which makes people annoying.
As everyone knows, the mouth is the spokesperson of the heart, and your words expose your heart, so don't be cool for a while, joke and ridicule other people's past, manage your mouth, and show your cultivation.
Keep your mouth shut and fix your heart
The Russian writer Bondarev once said: "The root cause of all human suffering stems from the lack of a sense of border." ”
Deeply.
If you want to live a smooth life, you must learn to maintain your own boundaries, maintain a certain sense of proportion in interacting with people, and do not cross the line in order to have a comfortable relationship.
I often hear people say that there are only three things in the world, their own affairs, other people's affairs, and God's affairs.
Therefore, deal with your own affairs, pay less attention to other people's affairs, and don't worry about God's affairs.
How to behave in the world:
Non-interference is the highest wisdom.
Not inquiring is the greatest respect.
Not jokingly, it is the deepest connotation.
May you and I respect others and understand boundaries. With relatives, get along with harmony, enjoy and harmonize; with friends, feel sorry for each other, and talk about wine.
Author's profile: Strange on the blossom, and 5 million people together to upgrade life cognition, this article source: Fu Xiaoshu, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
Note: The picture source of this article is online, if there is infringement, please contact to delete