Educating children is a very profound discipline.
Since the child fell to the ground, it did bring us a lot of laughter and warmth, but in this process, it was actually accompanied by heartache and helplessness, especially in the issue of educating children, we often have a feeling of stumbling.
As the saying goes, "The tree is not repaired and does not slip straight, and the person has no punishment and no rules." "But after facing children's mistakes, what kind of punishment method is the most taboo, in fact, many parents have not reflected at all." Like what:
Children quarrel with their friends or grab toys, the most common response of parents is to reprimand with the loudest voice, and it is inevitable to stab the child's self-esteem between words;
When the child gets the toy on the ground but does not tidy up, the parents kick the toy directly without saying a word, or simply throw it into the trash can, forcing the child to cry and cry, and the parents are swearing and grinning on the side;
When the child is procrastinating in writing homework, the parents will drag the child to the door without saying a word, and intimidate them with words such as "get out" or "don't want you"...
Ask yourself, is a similar scene too familiar?
So many parents will ask, then do you want to discipline your children? The answer, of course, is yes, but we have to focus on ways and means. The following is one of the most inappropriate ways to discipline children, one is more than one mistake, but unfortunately many parents do not think so.
(1) Putting the stick on the body is the only punishment
When it comes to punishing children, the first reaction of many parents must be "filial piety under the stick".
Two days ago, I saw a friend post a message:
"A few days a month, small emotions explode a little bit. Fortunately, you have this punching bag, just hit by me, the next second will dry your tears and sing to please me. Think that although it is not easy to be a good mother, it is not easy to be a child who can be liked at any time. Sorry, I'm not hitting you anymore. ”
When the child makes a mistake, he always can't help but move, and after the bad emotions are vented, he feels that he should not do that to the child. How many parents have spent a long time in such a repetitive situation?
It's easy to hit a child, especially a child in childhood, because we know that children will choose to endure because of fear. And even if the child dares to fight back, the child knows in his heart that the consequences will be more serious beatings. Coupled with the fact that parents know that their children can only rely on themselves, many parents will use force on their children on their toes.
Later, as long as the child sees that the parents are not in the right mood, they begin to nod their heads and apologize diligently. At this time, parents not only do not reflect on how seriously they have caused to the child's young mind, but they are extremely proud to think that "it seems that you only serve the beating!" ”
(2) Stimulate the child with the most ugly words
A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June.
Many parents think that as long as I try not to use force against my children, it is not a big deal to just be addicted. As everyone knows, hurtful words may have an impact on children, but they are greater than the pain caused by force to children.
Especially many mothers, the attitude towards their children is like a string of firecrackers. But any inadvertent small action of the child may ignite the lead of the mother's explosion at all times.
It may have been to remind children not to procrastinate, but the more they talked, the more angry they became, and finally they evolved into life attacks and trampling on self-esteem. Some people are obviously talking about the current problem, and as a result, they turn over the old accounts of several years ago. Such consequences not only do not solve the current problem, but even make everyone frizzy.
Careful parents will find that even if other people's children are bad, they can talk to them well; in front of the leader, it is needless to say, even if they have great dissatisfaction, they can only hold it in their hearts; in front of relatives, they always want to control themselves and do not make everyone's relationship too stiff.
But when it's our turn to love our own children, many parents start to be speechless. As the Internet says, "We always give our worst to the people we love the most."
Although the child is young, he can still distinguish what is good and what is bad. Especially children who enter puberty are extremely sensitive to their parents' language, eyes and behavior. Therefore, as parents, we must understand what we can say and what we can't say, and we must not throw all bad emotions at our children in order to vent our anger.
(3) Habitual blackmail of children
"Are you not listening to me?" If you don't listen, you'll get me out!" ”
"I work hard every day, and when I come home, I have to wait for you to eat and help you with your homework. Whoever disobeys any more, I will throw out whoever I want! ”
"Don't you want to stay with me?" Yes! Go back to your hometown and live with your grandparents! ”
"If you look at someone else's child, you're better than you!" If you don't correct this series of bad problems, I will no longer pay attention to you and love you anymore. ”
"Can't you go?" If you don't leave, I'll leave, and you'll wait to be taken away by the bad guys!" ”
Blackmailing children is a job that many parents do. Always in the name of loving children, do things that make children seriously insecure.
The daughter of the neighbor's family is always reluctant to complete her writing practice homework during the summer vacation because of her greed. Not only did her mother tear up her homework, but she even threw her out of the door and told her, "I don't want you anymore. ”
As a result, the daughter believed it and ran away from home in the middle of the night. Because the child thinks that his mother does not want me, if I am still standing in the doorway waiting, it will be more sad for my mother to see it later, so I still simply go first, so as not to make my mother angry. Later, his parents searched for nearly three hours before they found the child.
If the child does not do anything well, we should not threaten the child at every turn, guide the child to realize the mistake at the same time, and teach the child how to correct it in the future.
(4) Make punishment a common occurrence
Education is not about winning children, but about winning children.
Many parents always believe in the traditional "filial piety under the stick", using force against their children at every turn, and even when the children tremble under their own corporal punishment, parents are still complacent and think "Aren't you very arrogant?" Why, only a few times scared? It seems that you really only serve to fight. ”
When the child's slippers are placed randomly, the parents pick up one and smash it for the child; when the child's toy is littered, the parent grabs a handful of small objects and throws it in the direction of the child; when the child makes a mess of the desk, the parent takes the hanger and waves it on the child's ass; when the child writes homework and drags, the parent
Bend your index and middle fingers and hit the child's head hard...
Does it work to punish children by force? It has a certain deterrent effect, but at the same time, it is easy for children to become numb. Maybe the first time, the parent only hit one stick, the child is afraid; the next time the parent will hit three sticks, the child is afraid; in the end, the child may beat each other with the parents.
Children who grow up in violent families have almost two extremes of personality as adults. First, he was inferior and cowardly, and looked down on himself in his bones; second, Qing was better than blue out of blue and became more violent.
Punishing children is not to show how responsible the parents are, nor to show the authority of the parents in front of the children, nor to retaliate against the children for the children's suffering. We cannot deny that punishment is indeed necessary for children, but it is a big mistake to treat punishment as a common thing.
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Teaching is infallible, different children have different temperaments, and the same kind of education is effective for this child, and may not be effective for another child. This requires parents to explore more, only to find the most suitable educational method for children, in order to cultivate children more excellent.