Text\XiaoYi\Picture from the network
People who have been pua know that people who struggle between mind control and self-awakening in their original family are very painful, why? Because you don't trust others and doubt yourself, because you don't have ego and know clearly that people who like pua you are wrong, you have been struggling between them, and it is always difficult to break free, so you become confused and miserable.
Today, I will tell you what the performance of the person who has been pua is like. Anyone who has experienced it will have a deep understanding, including myself.
01 Repeated mental control and abuse can cause signs of laziness, making it difficult for you to leave that unhealthy relationship
Have you ever heard: "I am all for your own good, you must listen to me, you cannot live if you do not listen to me", "When I give birth to you, you are kind to you, so you must listen to me for everything, if you do not listen to me, you are not filial piety, and people who are not filial piety cannot live a good life", "You are my child, I beat you and scolded you all to educate you, don't move when I hit you, don't refute when you scold you, otherwise you are not filial piety"... These similar words can be heard in all controlling birth families.
The more the child is mentally controlled and abused, the more difficult it is to leave those bad original families, and the more inseparable it is to leave the bad original family, the more difficult it is to get out!
I'm all for your own good, and then I'm doing things that hurt you. This is not really for your own good, but in the PUA you, that is, repeated mental control and abuse of you, so that your heart will be humiliated, so that you have no confidence and opinion, let you listen to them, let you use them!
Even if your relationship with them is terrible, it is difficult for you to stay away from them under their PUA because your spirit has been controlled by them, and your spirit has become dependent on them.
Your spirit is destroyed by them so that you have no opinion, and you have no Lord in your heart, because what they often instill in you is that you will become miserable if you leave them, so your heart is afraid of leaving them.
I have heard of two experiments in which a baby elephant that was born was tied to a tree, and at first the baby elephant struggled desperately, and it tried to get rid of the tree, but because it was small, it struggled hard and could not break free, and slowly it did not break free. When it grows to the point where it can uproot this tree with a little force, in its consciousness it has decided that it cannot lift the tree, that it cannot break free. Thus, the baby elephant was successfully trained to be an obedient and well-managed elephant.
The second is a flea experiment, scientists put a flea into a glass bottle to close the lid, the flea began to jump desperately in the bottle, but because there are children on the bottle, every time it jumps to the cap it is pushed down, it jumps up no matter how it jumps up and can't jump out. After it jumped for a while, the scientist opened the bottle cap, and then it jumped to the position of the bottle cap and fell on its own, it thought it had jumped, it decided that this was the limit of its jump.
Through these two experiments, what did you realize? Can you feel the torment of baby elephants and fleas being trained? Are you willing to train your child to be like that little elephant and that fleas?
Isn't that how a controlling family of origin trains its children? They continue to give the child mental control from the child's understanding, intimidating the child to leave the family The child is nothing, and slowly the child is controlled, thinking that the parents are reasonable, the child slowly loses his opinion, and the parent becomes the child's ceiling.
But is it okay for all the children to listen to their parents? No. Why should controlling parents control their children? Talk about why let your children listen to them? Isn't it just to let the child have a chance to earn face for them, but the child listens to them everything, and what opinion does the child have? What can a child do without an opinion? Parents let the children listen to them and want the children to have their own opinions, and they want the children to grow wings and fly on their own, where is such a perfect thing?
The child's spirit is controlled and abused by his parents, he can't even leave his parents, what else can he do? And parents can only control the child's spirit, but can not let the child grow, which is unconsciously ruined their own child!
02 Self-denial, self-harm
People who are PUA are generally constantly denying, doubting themselves, overuse drugs, drinking alcohol, and doing their own things. Why? Because their spirit has been controlled, and there is no autonomy in their hearts, they have actually been resisting the people who control themselves, such as the original family, they have been resisting the bad things instilled in them by the original family, but they have no opinion, so it is very painful.
Self-denial, self-harm is to clearly know that people who like pua you are not right, but you can't break free from them, you continue to be pua by them, this is a contradiction in your heart, whether to believe in yourself or surrender to the pua of your people, because you can't break free, have been struggling. Your thoughts can't save you, so you don't have self-confidence, so you start denying yourself and hurting yourself, in order to be liberated.
03 Lack of self-esteem, lack of confidence in oneself, always have a negative self-deprecation in the heart
People who are PUA, seriously lack self-esteem, have been mentally abused, where is there any self-esteem? For example, in the original family, someone has been saying to you: "Look at you, this is not as good as others, that is not as good as others, if it were not for me, you would have starved to death." 」 "If you don't listen to me, what else can you do?" You can't do anything. ”...... Have been mentally abused like this, do you still have self-confidence? The little bit of poor self-confidence you have left is abused, you will become very negative, and you will believe that you can't do anything after you stay in such a native family for a long time.
This is all the time being degraded, being mentally abused, and finally you don't even believe in yourself, even you are degrading yourself! This is the terrible thing about PUA, originally a capable person, has been mentally abused, and finally became a pessimistic person who does not know anything, in fact, his own ability is still there, but after being mentally controlled, he believes that he has no ability!
04 Excessively pleasing others, taking into account the feelings of others, and ignoring their own feelings, thoughts and needs in order to be more inclined to satisfy others
The person who is pua himself lives a very humble life, even if he is very capable, but he believes that his ability is inferior to anyone else, so he is humble in front of others.
Always excessively pleasing others, taking into account the feelings of others, not rejecting others, and ignoring their own feelings, thoughts and needs in order to be more inclined to satisfy others. This is the manifestation of humility, there is no opinion and self, always based on others, there is no Lord in their own hearts, what opinions, suggestions, opinions are listened to others, even if they have better ideas and suggestions, they dare not say it, because they are afraid of others' denial.
05 Even if you haven't done anything wrong, you may keep apologizing to avoid conflict
People who are PUA, they are very afraid of falling out with others, because they can't be their own master in their hearts, when they were young, they were PUA by their parents, their parents have always been their masters, and their parents even told them to do what they did, and they didn't dare to put forward opinions and ideas.
Growing up is the same, even if they leave their parents, they still have no opinion in their hearts, they do what others call them, never dare to give opinions and ideas, dare not reject others, in order not to conflict with others, even if they have not done wrong, they dare not speak out, and even have always apologized to others and asked for forgiveness from others!
06 There is no sense of security and belonging, and the heart is always empty
When you were a child, you often heard: "All you eat is mine, all you use is mine, and the place where you live is also mine, and if you dare not listen to me, get me out."
How do you feel as a child when you hear that? What will you become if you are constantly being disciplined like this? I remember that some of the girls around me were kicked out by their parents to work early, and before they could finish their books, they were kicked out to work by their parents, and some of them were kicked out to work before they reached adulthood! My cousin was undoubtedly one of these girls, and every time she talked about her original family, she said this: I even took a bite of food in that house and I felt that I owed them again.
What are you asking? Would she have felt safe in that birth family as a child? Can you have a sense of belonging? No. Growing up is the same, wandering around, hard work to have a home or feel empty in their hearts, no sense of security and belonging, no home in their hearts are like wandering.
The original family is in the PUA you, which makes your relationship with them always in an awkward situation, they want to mentally control you, so they stand on the moral high ground to kidnap you, make your relationship with them worse and worse, so that you have no voice in that family.
Over time you will feel that the home is definitely not your home, plus your spirit is controlled by them and abuse your heart does not have a home, so you have no sense of security and belonging, whether in reality or spirit, your heart is always empty.
Write to the end
People who have not experienced pua are impossible to empathize, hoping that people who are PUA can stay away from and get rid of PUA, PUA is really terrible, that kind of mental torture is not something that everyone can bear, as a parent, as a parent, don't PUA their own children, this will hurt the whole family.