Two days ago, I posted an article about My mother in Shanghai knocking on the door in the early morning asking for fever medicine.
As a result, it unexpectedly attracted some people to accuse:
, I don't even have a fever reducer at home.
Hearing this, the fire inexplicably flew upwards.
Some people will never understand how glassy it is to be a mother who hears these words.
Because every new mom is too good at self-PUA!
Every mom is a master of self-PUA
Yes, there is no need for others to point out, when the mother knows how to blame herself.
I remember when I first became a mother, I was determined to be a good mother, and I also read countless parenting books of psychology.
The big words "love and freedom" were engraved on my head.
Just after cleaning up the house, the child threw the building blocks to the ground, and the parts spilled on the ground...
When feeding children, not only do they not eat, but they also spread the meals everywhere...
Work hard to suppress a belly fire, follow the textbook communication routine once, the child lifts his ass and runs away not wanting to listen to you...
Do you want to stuff him back into your stomach every minute? Each time I couldn't help but get angry with Chongwa, I began to fall into infinite self-blame and remorse.
My husband realized that my state was not right and asked me: Is there anyone around you who never gets angry with your children?
I thought about it for a while, and it didn't seem to be.
Especially after watching the high-scoring British drama "The Nurturer", I found that raising children is a problem in the world.
Paul, the gentle and kind man who will make money in the play, often loses control and loses his temper in front of his two children.
He even once revealed to his wife: "I love my children, but seriously, I sometimes want to kill them." ”
But no audience member would think paul was not a good father.
So instead of struggling and chafing over the "can't be angry with the child", it is better to solve the problem as realistically as the British couple.
After all, simple anger is not terrible, what is more terrible is that after you are angry, you fall into the negative emotions of regret and self-blame for a long time, which leads to a series of more complex problems.
For example – anxiety.
The more anxious you are, the more you deviate
The problem is that such self-PUA has no benefit other than bringing anxiety.
In the new season of "Round Table Pie", Deng Yaping mentioned an interesting psychological phenomenon called "purposeful trembling":
Workers who skillfully thread needles are trained in competitions to thread sewing needles, and under the stimulation of the reward and punishment mechanism, the workers are too engrossed in their efforts, and the thread is less likely to penetrate.
Like athletes in the Olympic arena, it is easy to make mistakes under great pressure;
People who usually have a hanging mouth are prone to nervous stuttering when they meet their favorite people;
People whose grades have always been at the top, there are always a few abnormal performances in the big exam...
It is easier to screw up on something and more likely to appear in parenting, but many parents are deeply involved in it without knowing it.
As I mentioned earlier, parents like our generation have accepted too many schools of parenting concepts, and will subconsciously instill in themselves the concept that "once the matter of raising children goes wrong, it will ruin the children".
There is also a kind of parent, who grew up under the blows of his parents, is more likely to carry the regrets of the original family, hoping to repair his dissatisfaction with childhood in his own children, so he is more strict with himself.
Driven by this "I must raise my child well", we often become like walking on thin ice with our children, making ourselves more anxious. And this anxiety can plunge us into negative emotions like greater self-blame and doubt.
The result? When children are sensitive to finding that their parents are "sick", they will also be "sick".
In the movie "Violent Rabbit", there is a father and daughter who have a very delicate relationship, which makes me feel cold.
Her daughter Ma Yueyue played with her friends until the early hours of the morning and found her father, who had called her countless times, standing alone by the river waiting for her to come home.
When he saw his daughter finally come home, the father was reluctant to scold a word and frantically slapped his mouth.
In the face of this twisted father who loves himself, the daughter feels only suffocation.
Therefore, Ma Yueyue in the movie is extremely eager for friendship, and when faced with the "birthday invitation" proposed by her classmates, she originally wanted to refuse but still couldn't bear it and agreed.
In the end, he was kidnapped by his classmates and killed by mistake.
An anxious parent is difficult to love to fill the child.
Because, man, you can't give something you don't have.
In the diapers on the floor, throw away unrealistic ideals and find the most comfortable relationship, in order to see themselves, accept themselves, and let children see self-consistent parents.
Raise your child as a "pig", refreshed and refreshed
To be honest, our time is becoming more and more demanding of mothers.
If you blindly get caught up in these remarks, you will only get more and more tired.
There is a saying in the parenting circle: one child is raised according to the book, and the second child is raised according to the pig.
According to me, one child and two children need to have a "pig" mentality. Even if you can't help but be angry with your child, you can't change it, how do you know that after apologizing, your child doesn't accept the real you? When you know that your true self is accepted, the out-of-control part of your heart will be soothed.
As a parent, you should allow yourself to make a small mistake once in a while, rather than trembling and facing a great enemy in everything.
Every parent wants to give their child the best, but the imperfect life is their starting line.
You know, we can't do it all the time to shine in front of our children with the light of maternal love, and we can't raise a child who never gets sick under any circumstances.
This is not the result of our lack of effort, but the child himself needs this flaw to strengthen his physical and mental immunity and develop his personality.
When you can't see the needle eye in the process of parenting, remember to look up at the scenery that makes you happy elsewhere, and maybe you can easily do it when you look down.
Don't listen to other people fart
Let go of anxiety
Find your own rhythm
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