Shuhui studies seriously and works hard, is a good student in the eyes of teachers, a good child in the eyes of parents, and a good example in the eyes of classmates.
But she is not happy at all, not confident at all, she feels that she is not good-looking, her personality is not good, she is weak and timid, she has a bad relationship with her classmates, and if she does not work hard, she will decline...
She lives in low self-esteem and anxiety every day, worried that there will be an unexpected situation and she can't cope with it, what should she do when she is in adolescence?
Guangzhou listen to the bar psychological counseling for you to interpret.
17-year-old, 165cm tall, this year's second year of high school, good looks, excellent learning, "I know the teachers they all say I'm good, but I know I'm not good, I hate myself." 」
I always felt that I was very cowardly, very afraid of things, and always thought in the worst direction when I encountered something.
For example, if I go out alone, I will worry about whether I will be deceived or bullied by bad people; When I fight, I will worry about whether the master is a bad person, whether he will take me to a strange place or sell me, after all, there are many such reports now;
Someone in our class is in love, although I don't talk about it, I always think about how I would refuse if a boy pursued me, and whether it would hurt him or be ridiculed by other classmates; Will he keep pestering me, will he be joking with other students...
Anyway, I have a lot of such thoughts and worries in my heart, where to go with anyone will be cautious, do not dare to look up, do not dare to speak, and afterwards feel that it is their own blind thoughts, should believe in others, should be confident ...
I hate my cowardice and timidity, I think that this will not be successful, nor will it attract people's likes, I want to make myself strong, and even want to learn a little martial arts, but there is no time in real life! I really want to change myself. ”
"Sometimes I'm really depressed, I'm angry with myself and I want to change. But seriously, it's hard to change.
I also read a lot of books, I think those methods are very good, and I am full of confidence to do it, but once I get to reality, I can't do it, it is still the same.
There is a saying that 'the country is easy to change, but the nature is difficult to move' is true.
Everyone's personality really doesn't mean that you can change it. I was mad at myself, but there was nothing I could do. I hope the teacher can help me. ”
Because of the excessive worry about a lot of things that have not happened, like to avoid, this makes Shuhui feel very bad, even if she is excellent in other aspects, but the sensitivity of adolescence makes it difficult for her to accept her own personality.
Shuhui really wants to change herself and make herself a better person, and with such motivation, we can continue to grow, have a higher level of happiness, and harvest a better life.
But it is indeed not so easy to change our personality, and the formation of personality is intimately related to our early experiences, our parents' attitudes towards us, our internalized values, and self-evaluation.
Past experiences have a certain impact on people, and some have a relatively large impact, but this does not mean that they determine a person's present and future.
Because people can change, as long as we objectively analyze the possible limitations of the past on the present and adopt more effective methods to break through this limitation, we will make our present and future full of hope and vitality.
Shuhui is only 17 years old and is in adolescence, which is an important turning point in human change, and effective guidance can help this child build a better self, become more accepting, more confident and autonomous.
First of all, the child's personality problem is closely related to the parent's education method and parent-child interaction.
Originally, "newborn calves are not afraid of tigers", children are not afraid of water, not afraid of small animals, not afraid of wrestling, not afraid of illness. After wrestling, they often get up silently and continue to play.
Why do some children become timid and withdrawn later? That's often related to the subtle influence of nurturers.
It is understood that Shuhui's mother herself is a more anxious person, often use some very negative dialogue to communicate with the child, when it is found that the child is bumping or conflicting with the child, she is very worried about how much her child has suffered, and no longer allows the child to do anything;
Once a child is natural and does something against her will, she will be yelled at or frightened:
"You go out again and be careful that someone else sells you"
"If you play with him again, he will kill you, and I don't care!"
"If you don't study well, you will become a useless person."
"When you fall in love at a young age, you really don't have education, and in the future, that man will dare to ask you"...
Behind ShuHui's anxiety and fear, there is a harsh voice criticizing her and intimidating her, making her feel bad and feeling that the outside world is dangerous.
Therefore, for adolescent children, if parents can realize that their own education methods are somewhat inappropriate, they are willing to cooperate with the guidance of counselors, give children more encouragement, support and positive guidance in the interaction with children, and accept children, and children's problems will be improved faster.
Secondly, the child has grown up, past experiences, the way parents treat the child, is not the child's choice, the child's character and concept is not the child's fault.
But each of us needs to be responsible for our own life, we can't choose our parents, but we can choose whether you are willing to be affected by the past and can't come out, or choose to bravely throw the past away and start a new life.
Shuhui has a strong motivation to change in her heart, but as a "deeply hurt" child, she does not know why she has become like this, nor does she know how to change herself, which can require the help of a psychological counselor.
Anxiety, insecurity, and worry have brought a lot of bad influences and feelings to Shuhui, but to some extent they have also protected Shuhui and made her cautious, careful, and not impulsive.
If people want to change their personality traits, they first need to look at themselves correctly and not resist these characteristics that make them feel bad, so that changes can occur.
Timid, cowering, afraid, worried, the first thing we need to see is what we are afraid and worried about, why are we worried and afraid?
You can discuss with your counselor, you can also discuss with your counselor through psychological counseling homework, such as a diary, such as a diary to write down your own timid thoughts about something, after truthfully writing down, and then look at things from a different perspective, see other points of view, and then try to do what you want to do, and then discuss or read your homework with the counselor in some days, you will find that these things that make you worry and fear are actually not as terrible as you think, and the fact of success can enhance your confidence and motivation.
If you encounter difficulties and setbacks in the process of trying, it doesn't matter, because you don't have experience in this area, you still lack the ability to do this, and the situations you encounter now are normal, don't give yourself too much self-blame.
Your counselor will help you look positively at these setbacks, affirm where you're improving, and help you do better next time. Slowly, you will get better and have more and more successful experiences.
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