Do you think that students get "heart" disease all because of academics? You're wrong!

In the usual consultation, it is often found that some students with excellent grades should be able to cope with the schoolwork, and even rank at the top, but they are still worried. Some parents think that their children are under pressure to learn or have problems with relationships. But after a deep understanding, it was found that the problem was not so simple.

Judging from the daily psychological counseling cases, the sources of psychological burden of primary and secondary school students are multifaceted, as shown in the following table:

It is not difficult to see that the burden of academic achievement is only one of the sources of students' psychological burden. Therefore, it is far from enough to adjust the study time and the total amount of study and reduce the academic burden.

A equation for a student's physical and mental illness

People's personality formation is often shaped by the environment, everyone is like a dancing puppet, and it is often family members who pull the strings. The theory of family system therapy believes that in addition to the factors on the object, the environment also includes time, place, people and various psychological factors. Family history, and even interpersonal interactions and beliefs in the family, shape little by little how we think and act.

A study by Family Therapist Dr. Weirong Li found that students with excessive psychological burdens all have something in common:

1. They are all the darlings of their parents, carrying the infinite expectations and hopes of their parents.

2. There is a pair of conflicted parents behind them, who have long been unable to resolve each other's resentment.

3. Parents have no expectations of each other and put all their energy into their children.

4. The child plays the role of a bridge between the parents.

None of the above problems are enough, but the four conditions add up to the equation for making a child sick. Specific manifestations are: some are introverted (repressive), some are extroverted (out of control). Children in such a family psychological environment, even if the academic burden is light, they have no intention of outward. Therefore, to reduce the psychological burden of students, the family has an unshirkable responsibility and has great potential.

B The "heart" method of reducing the burden of the family

Give the child a suitable family relationship

Huazi, a sophomore in the school, is active in learning, treats people kindly, respects the teacher, and actively participates in group activities, but as soon as she returns home, she is uncomfortable, and she is angry when she looks at her parents, and whoever opens her mouth can annoy him. His family situation is that his father is away for many years and his mother is accompanied by him full-time. Mothers sometimes feel helpless in teaching their children, have resentment towards their husbands in their hearts, and sometimes send resentment to their sons, and fathers blame their wives for "not even managing their children well" when they see that their sons are not doing well.

It is not difficult to see that in this family of three, the relationship and distance between husband and wife, mother and son and father and son are inappropriate. The mother and son are too close, the relationship between husband and wife, father and son is estranged, and the husband and wife do not support each other. This explains why children are uncomfortable at home, but are comfortable in spaces outside the home.

In family education, if parents tear each other down and complain, and the father or mother educates people unilaterally, the effect will often cancel each other out. If there is a good recipe for parenting, it is that husband and wife work together to support each other. In the above case, if Huazi's father hears his wife's "help signal", first of all, it is not blame, but care and hug, and then discuss the way of godson together, and the child may usher in the warm sun of the heart.

Give children the space to grow freely

For adolescent children, parents can't help but feel that they are not as cute and obedient as before. Adolescence is a period of self-identity, but there is often a confusion of roles. They are constantly searching for "who I am", no longer superstitious about adult "preaching", unwilling to willingly obey the "arrangement". Therefore, some people describe the rebellious period, but it is because they have seen through the behavior and values of their parents, and they will not let adults lead the nose.

During this period, if parents are still meticulous and have various arrangements, they will be more disgusted by their children, and their own anxiety will also be transmitted to their children. The less the parents give the child space, the more the child opposes the parent and seeks to break free.

When dealing with adolescent children, remember to "draw a line and do your part.". Children do their homework, develop hobbies, and expand their interpersonal relationships, without parents arranging tutoring classes. The parents' duty is not to worry about the child, give the child physical and psychological space, trust the child, and be safe and peaceful.

Give your child a unique goal

In the contemporary society where utilitarianism is prominent, many "helicopter parents" have been born. They are not willing to accept that their children are "ordinary people" and believe that "they cannot let their children lose at the starting line", so they continue to catch up with the competition, so the "chicken baby" is born, but their children are "gone" and "sick".

The theory of multiple intelligence proposed by the American psychologist Howard Gardner believes that each of us has a relatively independent eight intelligences at the same time, each of which does not exist independently, but organically combines in different ways and to different degrees. It is these eight kinds of intelligence that are combined in different ways and to varying degrees in each person, making each person's intelligence have its own characteristics.

What will the world look like in the future? What kind of people can better adapt to the development of the future world? The answer is: not sure. But one thing is certain, each unique individual can have a different way of adapting, whether it is the elite on the pyramid spire or the mortals at the bottom of the tower should live happily and happily.

Therefore, do not use a single standard or subjective preference to measure whether a child is excellent or not, people do their best, do their best, give full play to their strengths, and help children find the most suitable combination of intelligence than to continuously make up for shortcomings. Family, school, and society should provide children with the space and resources to stimulate creative imagination, and the future development of children is full of infinite possibilities.

Cultivate some "aristocratic spirit" for children

The "noble spirit" is not material wealth, but the nobility of the soul. In the book "Children Do Not Leave Home", the author describes this "aristocratic spirit" as even if you eat soy sauce bibimbap, you must spread a clean napkin, sit elegantly, and live a simple life. Smile, elegance, self-confidence is the greatest spiritual wealth, these are not like academic achievements can be used to show off, it is just a personal ethic, a kind of cultivation, a kind of attention to their own environment and body, this spirit makes people physically and mentally happy, bringing lifelong happiness. Even if the heavy academic burden is, under the nourishment of the "aristocratic spirit", the growth of children is also happy and full of strength.

Meng Li, a psychology teacher at Long County Bilingual Experimental Middle School