【Growing atrium】Children procrastinate and rub, the more they urge, the slower! Do you have the same baby at home? With a prescription, collectible!

"Rubbing and urging" is not unfamiliar to us, such as getting up in the morning, urging homework after school, urging to go to bed at night, etc., why do parents keep urging their children? Because parents feel that their children are too abrasive, they disrupt their own rhythm. In fact, when parents constantly remind their children to be "fast and fast", they also disrupt the child's physiological rhythm.

Studies have found that children's procrastination and rubbing are related to the development of a time concept, that is, children have their own physiological rhythms. For example, the Gesell Institute for Human Development in the United States has tracked thousands of children for more than 40 years to study the changes and development of children's behavior in detail, and the systematic research results summarized describe the development of children's view of time.

In children aged 2 to 3 years, the concept of time begins to develop rapidly. Things that are "present," "past," and "future" can generally be said very accurately. Before this, although they had a preliminary idea of order, they all lived happily in the present and did not have a strong sense of "past" and "future".

4-year-olds have an understanding of what to do in a day and the time relationship between each event. They can tell what they did in kindergarten, but most 4-year-olds can't say exactly when they went to bed, ate, got up, went to kindergarten, etc.

5-year-old children have been able to master the time-related vocabulary commonly used by adults, they have been able to distinguish between the past and the future, and they know the interrelationship between the things and time related to him in a day.

6-year-olds have a more thorough and in-depth understanding of the concept of time than in the past, but most children in this age group still have little sense of how long 10 minutes is. So give your child a reminder, such as putting an alarm on him, or telling him that "time is up," or showing him that the big needle on the wall clock has pointed to that place.

7-year-old children, their perception of time is increasing, but children of this age are also the most frictional time to do things, often delaying until the last "moment" to start to make it.

For 8-year-old children, the phenomenon of child rubbing will generally improve around the age of 8. They can go to school on time, know punctuality, and know when to do what.

Every child has his own rhythm, and only when he feels the "time" step by step and feels the law of doing things on time according to his own rhythm, can he really grow up. But it should be reminded that if the parents often urge the child, the child may grow into two extreme personalities.

Over-dependent type such as urging homework, if the child is doing it on the side, the parents are pointing fingers and feet on the side, the child will be very nervous, and the homework will be done more and more slowly. In the end, parents have to go into battle personally, directly help him do it or teach him how to do it by hand, and the result is that the child will not or will not, and will become very dependent on the parents.

Extremely rebellious parents chant in their children's ears like Tang monks every day, which will make children very disgusted and have a rebellious personality, become irritable and irritable, have poor patience, and cannot listen to the advice of others.

In the face of children's problems, the right medicine is the most important:

Unconditional acceptance of one's child love is the basis and premise of all change. If you are an introverted baby at home, parents do not need to worry, extrovert has the benefit of extroversion, introvert also has the advantage of introversion. Introverted children are delicate and thoughtful, and they also have their own plans and rhythms, parents should not easily disrupt, as long as they are patient and conform to the rhythm of their children. If the child is now rubbing performance, parents do not randomly "label" the child, our child does not need to be perfect, although there may be a little problem for the time being, but it can not negate him.

Parents must have a clear sense of boundaries, we can neither take care of everything, nor can we ignore and command at will. Children have to do things within their own ability to find confidence and motivation, so when parents arrange tasks for their children, they must first consider whether this matter is within the scope of children's ability. Things that are beyond the child's ability will make the child feel afraid of difficulties. At the same time, parents should not do all the things within the child's ability. The process of children's growth is the process of constantly learning to take responsibility, and only by having responsibility can they be motivated.

Respect children's interests, pay attention to the method of guidance As a parent, we must learn to see the child. Things that are interested in children, parents do not deny at will, when choosing interest classes, try to match the child's interests, do what they like, the probability of children procrastinating will be reduced a lot. Of course, the child is still young, and we must guide the child to do many things that are not interested. When children rub, they are not just verbally urged, but guided in a more interesting way, such as playing with children or finding a little friend for children to play with.

Cultivating children's concept of time For children, parents should replace abstract time with concrete expressions. For example, if you want your child to pack up the toys, don't say "5 minutes to pack up the toys", you can try to say "Mom now go to the rice, after the meal you pack the toys well?" At the same time, parents should also learn to refine and split the tasks, and try to arrange only one thing and one task at a time, so that the child will be more targeted.

Positive expression and encouragement"Hurry up, how come you child is so abrasive!" This negative expression is replaced by a positive expression as much as possible, such as "How about we cheer up today and strive to be the first to kindergarten?" If the child shows positive initiative, give the child affirmation and encouragement in time, and speak in another way, the child's cooperation will be greatly improved.

French child psychiatrist Christine Flavini said: "Children with dependent personalities, because they cannot meet the requirements of their parents, feel that they are 'bad children', and lose self-confidence; Children with rebellious personalities will only ignore their parents more and more and become selfish and indifferent. Both kinds of children, without exception, have lost themselves." Remember a sentence: the child's rubbing is not a disease, and the parents who urge it are the most fatal.

Lecturer in Psychology at Hunan Agricultural University Wu Fangwen