The new semester is coming, for the education of children, these bottom lines must be kept

Teachers and parents in the process of education, many times with their own expectations of their children. But when this expectation becomes a transfer of pressure, a bundle in the growth of children, we have to stop and think.

What are the bottom lines that should be kept in the process of parenting? Let's take a look at this article together -

In the past thirty or forty years, appropriate policies and the extraordinary diligence of the Chinese people have made unprecedented progress in our country, and the living standards have also been rapidly improved, but at the same time, our society is also full of competition and huge pressure, which is the source of parents' inner anxiety.

Under high pressure, all kinds of educational concepts have been followed, and some advocate "conforming" to the trend of this inner volume, constantly "chicken babies" in a more yard way, or "reasonable" chicken babies in a "scientific way";

Some advocate jumping out, reducing stress on children or even "doing nothing" and "lying flat", they believe that there will be no longer such strong social pressure in the future or think that their children can have food to eat;

Some advocate a balanced state of moderation, and others want to find another way to develop their children's unique skills...

Every school, every class, every family, every child has a different situation, every parent, every teacher has a personal concept and a unique expectation for the child, there is no standard answer here, and the richness of society does not need to give a standard answer.

But in any case, even if the pressure is great, even if it is rolled inward, we must remind ourselves that there are some bottom lines to keep in the education of children.

The first bottom line is all forms of unnecessary violence and coercion. Under pressure, adults are most likely to pass stress on to their children in various forms.

A few days ago, a survey conducted by the China Youth Daily Social Survey Center and the questionnaire network on 2006 young people aged 18-35 showed that up to 90.6% of the young people surveyed admitted that their parents had conducted verbal shock education on themselves.

They define percussion education this way: "Parents who practice percussive tutoring always treat their children with a 'picky' look that seeks perfection and blame. No matter what they do, it is difficult to get recognition and praise. Even if the child scores 98 points on the test, parents must compare the 100 points of the child next door and complain about the 'unsatisfactory' and 'there is a gap'..."

The participants here are already young, and they received basic education about fifteen to thirty years ago, and today, this kind of percussion education is still prevalent, because today's parents and teachers carry more pressure.

If there is no fairly high level of understanding and realm, it is difficult for parents and teachers not to directly transfer these pressures, and the easiest way to transfer pressure is the above-mentioned percussion education, by pouring out their dissatisfaction "chicken baby".

Harsh, impatient, without any understanding, unilaterally demanding that the child must do it, regardless of the child's actual setting of goals and schedules, expressing to the child this meaning: "Everyone else can do it, why don't you do it"... Many parents and teachers will choose this attitude under pressure.

Unnecessary harshness and even violence are just emotional venting, not education, not to mention that it will seriously hurt children's self-confidence and self-esteem, but also make children tired of school, so that the parent-child relationship, teacher-student relationship is damaged, and it is still "anti-education".

Jonathan Friedman once did this experiment: two groups of children went to a room to play with various toys, and there was only one rule: a robot toy could not be touched. One group of children encountered a kind teacher who gently stated the rules and made up reasons: the robot might leak electricity; another group of children encountered a stern teacher who viciously said the same rule in a threatening tone: Retaliate if touched.

After many experiments, it was shown that the role of the two attitudes in allowing children not to foul was similar, each group had some naughty children to touch the "contraband" robot, but the difference was long-term, after six weeks, this group of children was invited to this room again, there was no teacher to prompt the rules, and the children in the gas group played with various toys were more balanced, the robot was only slightly more, and almost all the children in the severe group pounced on the robot... Unnecessary, unjustified harshness or even a form of "anti-education".

With this understanding, we must put it into action and absorb some pressure. We also need to know that the child's ability to withstand is weak, incomparable with adults, and what is more terrible is that when we transfer external pressure directly to them in a severe form, they are often the terminal of pressure, there is no place to pass on, their psychological state will inevitably be unbalanced, some indiscriminate percussive words will also hurt their self-confidence and sense of security, and in the long run, it will even cause psychological trauma that is difficult to heal in a lifetime.

The second bottom line is to meet the needs of children at all stages of growth. It's like planting a crop, missing the farm and the seed never germinates.

Studies have shown that children with severe nutritional deficiencies before and after birth, such as a group of children born during the Great Famine, their bodies will "remember" this state of hunger for a long time, and the probability of obesity and diabetes will be very high.

Human growth is an established procedure, the needs of a certain moment are not met, and it is often ineffective to meet after this stage, and even has a counterproductive effect. Developmental psychology provides a wealth of evidence for educational science, what abilities and qualities to develop at what stage of a child's growth, and also reveals that there are irreplaceable needs at other stages of growth at all stages of growth.

For example, a 6-12-year-old child, after developing a relatively good sense of security in infancy and developing a relatively normal sense of self in infancy, he has the need to expand himself, he has a sense of "I have grown up", to "conquer" newer, more fields, at this time, a relative freedom and respect has become his psychological need, to give him "decentralization" of some rights, to draw a boundary, in this boundary is his own world, "my territory I am the master", he can dominate his own actions.

Of course, he has not grown up, he is still very weak, parents and teachers on the one hand to help and support him, to draw a safe boundary for him, on the other hand, to give him freedom, so that he can feel confident and happy from the improvement of his own ability.

How to grasp the scale in the middle, this is what parents and teachers should experience with their hearts, the scale of each child is different, but developmental psychology has told us the general direction.

However, in reality, children who go to primary school begin to face academic pressure, and parents and teachers have two tendencies: arranged or laissez-faire.

Because of the pressure of academic development and concerns about safety, many parents are reluctant to "delegate" some rights lightly, such as the right to freely dispose of time within a certain range, and the right to free exploration (that is, the right to play) within a certain range.

Moreover, as elementary school students, their personalities are not respected, and in some respects they are still treated as young children, such as asking them to do something in a commanding tone, rather than as adults, equally on the premise of mobilizing others on the grounds of clean-up. At this stage, parents have not achieved timely "decentralization", children have not been able to personally "fight" with the world in many necessary areas, and children will either lack the courage to explore on their own in the future, or will not feel the strength of their own development and growth.

Because of lack of self-confidence, his next development will inevitably be delayed, and even affect his attitude towards the world as an adult. Of course, laissez-faire parents are even more wrong, but its harm is easier to recognize.

Until the adolescent children slowly become independent, children need parents and teachers to continue to give care, but also need to continue to let go, and finally let them go to the correct, healthy, safe, only their own life path, each stage has the needs of each stage, can not be missed, missed after the subsequent growth process may take several times the energy is also difficult to recover.

Of course, we must also keep the bottom line of children's morality and three views, and many parents can recognize this. In the process of children's growth, our bottom line is the child's ideological character and physical and mental health, for this reason, we all have to learn more educational knowledge.

Source | People's Education magazine

Author | Cheng Lu

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