The son is too timid, always unwilling to participate in group activities, and never take the initiative to make new friends, let alone participate in the school's large and small competitions, worried that the son will not be able to adapt to society in the future, what to do?
In fact, children's timidity is essentially a psychological "learned helpless behavior", "timid" behind them is actually they think that they can not overcome the difficulties and obstacles they face, worried about their "ugly" in front of their peers, teachers or parents and take a self-protection behavior, also known as "learned helpless behavior".
Your child's timidity may be caused by parents, think about whether you often have the following behaviors:
1. Are you sending a message of fear to your child?
When the child appears to be slightly more dangerous, the parents will shout and act in great trepidation, then the child will see full of fear through the words, eyes and actions of the parents, and he will naturally become more and more timid
2. Are you suggesting in disguise that your child is timid?
The mother goes out with the "timid" child, sees the familiar neighbor, and immediately encourages the child to call "aunt". However, the little guy did not cooperate at all, not only did not say hello, but buried his small face in his mother's arms, took the way of avoidance, or dragged his mother's clothes, hid behind his mother, a timid look. In the case of encouraging the child to say hello, the mother embarrassed to say: "Our child is getting more and more timid now, I really can't do anything with him." So, under such a hint, the child approves of the label posted by the parents and really becomes more and more timid. And parents are also increasingly feeling that their evaluation of their children is very appropriate, and they have become more anxious. Thus, a vicious circle is formed.
3. Are you reinforcing your child's fears?
As soon as the child is timid, the parents are anxious. Parents will continue to put pressure on their children when they are anxious, such as having to pull him to greet people, or constantly reasoning him, and even intimidating him: "If you don't call people, I will..." The child is afraid! As a result, my parents still forced me like this, and now I am even more afraid. Don't go out again! As a result, this continuous pressure has become a catalyst for strengthening the child's timidity, bringing about the opposite result.
If you want your child to get rid of the problem of timidity, the first thing that needs to be changed is the parents themselves. Complete self-growth, believe in the child, the child will develop better.
01 Change the practice of being too critical of your child's shortcomings.
To observe and discover their strengths and progress, and to give them full recognition and praise, so that they can re-experience the joy of success and rebuild self-confidence.
02 Understand the difficulties and problems they encounter from the child's point of view.
In real life, parents and teachers may have inadvertently said something like "It's not so simple, you're stupid!" The words also inadvertently negate the child's ability and hurt the child's self-esteem, so, in order to protect the self-esteem, they learn to be silent: if he does not speak, you do not know whether he will, you will not say that he is stupid.
When parents raise their children, the requirements for their children must conform to the laws and practical abilities of their children's psychosomatic development, and they cannot be too demanding or hasty. When children face setbacks or academic difficulties, do not blindly criticize, complain, and belittle, but help them analyze the reasons for failure and find solutions to problems.
03 To change children's incorrect perception of failure and success.
When a child is facing failure, it is the parent's task not to scold him for being "stupid", question his ability, and find that they are not working hard enough or learning methods are wrong. Parents can also use various examples in their children's life and learning to educate them to realize that failure and success are a sign of learning and training results, and failure only means that the degree of learning is not enough, as long as they study harder, they will succeed.
04 It is necessary to strengthen the training of children's psychological endurance.
Parents can experience failure with their children, such as talking to their children about their past failures and experiences, or participating in competition activities with him to share successes and failures. At the same time, children can be trained to "bear weight", that is, let children undertake some difficult tasks, work hard to complete, can be affirmed and praised, do not work hard will fail, will be criticized and punished.
Finally, hopefully your child can fly bravely.
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