Don't let toddler dependence turn into unreasonable commands

Reading the classics, let the heart moisten, and constantly replenish the rushing spring of thinking.

In recent years, there has been a strong call from the mainland education circles to return to the origin of education and follow the laws of education. To this end, I always think about some of the educational confusion in my heart, and naturally reflect on the bias of my past educational behavior, and reflect on the various abnormalities of children. But it is always ignored and not chaotic, and rationality is even more chaotic. To this end, I always want to find a traction force to get myself out of this mess. I thought of the sages, and followed the light of their thoughts with their eyes for help, opening my heart.

Starting from following Rousseau, I first read the first volume of his Emile, and then reviewed the main ideas of the idea of "natural education" in early childhood education. He summarized the four principles of early childhood education and distilled the most core idea, "Give children more real freedom, let them develop the idea of controlling others, let them do their own work, and ask others to do things for them." I thought about it again and again, and the biggest insight I came up with was "don't let the dependence of young children become unreasonable commands."

First, the dependence of young children is a natural instinct, and adults should be taken care of

Parents are a child's first teacher. In the early childhood stage, children are delicate and can be said to have nothing, whether physical or intellectual, they need to get full help from their parents to make up for their deficiencies. This is like a newly unearthed seedling, which needs special care, and it is the natural responsibility of parents to provide them with timely care. But this care must be something that the child actually needs, not something that adults take for granted. Toddlers, especially those who are not yet able to speak, often cry when they express the signals they need; the signals they express their need to meet are often smiling. At this time, as a caregiver, the main thing is that parents should meet their reasonable needs as much as possible and let them live happily.

If the mother is not the mother, and if the father is not the father, the son is not the son. The obligations between mother and son and father and son are mutual, and parents do their duty to give their children true and tangible love. Parents must fulfill the obligation of procreaters, the obligation to cultivate useful people for society, and the obligation to produce qualified citizens for the country. The biggest responsibility of parents at this time is to build a happy family atmosphere. The happiness and pleasure of the family is the best nourishment for cultivating the good qualities of children. Some young parents, when their children are most needed, they transfer the main responsibility for raising their children to nannies, or elderly parents, or nursery teachers; and even always use their social interactions, busy work, etc. as an excuse to forget the children who are waiting to be fed. As the saying goes, three years old looks old. Children's future personality paranoia, disrespect for parents, inability to withstand setbacks, etc., we tend to find factors in the lack of adequate parental care for children and young children.

Second, young children's dependence exceeds their natural abilities, and when they grow up, they will become swayed by unreasonable desires

When children have the ability to discern things, parents should give them the opportunity to choose, and in the choice, let the children understand what can be done and what is not. Let them understand that man is not omnipotent and cannot do whatever he wants. The reason why ultraman anime dramas can get children's enthusiasm is that they satisfy the omnipotent "self" consciousness in children's minds. Children's requests and wishes, if beyond the limitations of objective conditions, are unreasonable desires, and parents must learn to refuse.

When children seek unreasonable desires as young children, they will show their sharpest weapons - crying, even howling, so that parents will give in and fall into the trap set by the child. At this time, the best way for parents to cope is to ensure the safety of their children, let them do their own work, so that they will suffer a little, they will have a long memory, and produce the earliest form of awe. If parents really insist on "taking down the moon in the sky and giving it to their children", it will undoubtedly encourage the child's bad temper and develop the habit of unreasonable three points and demanding benefits. In the long run, this will form the arrogance and arbitrariness of the earliest form of the child. From this point of view, the help of young children should be limited to the time when they really need it, and must not follow their wild ideas and unreasonable desires.

Third, the dependence of young children becomes excessive waiting, and when they grow up, they will become paranoid or cowardly

The transformation of the cocoon into a butterfly has a difficult process of tossing and turning. A child's growth also has such a process. The child's growth is not only physically growing, but also mentally growing. And physical and mental growth is often intertwined. A natural phenomenon of young children is to be active, which is the child's body growing. This kind of active is precisely the child's explicit learning state. The more active a child is, the stronger the desire and ability to learn. Life provides a rich scene for children's learning. Adults standing next to children quietly observe will find that children's movements are learning independently, they enjoy it, and they grasp the distance of things, the height of things, the warmth and cold of objects in motion...

Some parents always want to treat their young children to the extreme, find ways to provide barrier-free activity places for their children, and take away their children's learning tools. If children stumble and learn to walk, some parents will use walkers, trolleys, and walkers to serve their children, the original intention is to let them learn to walk better and faster. Unbeknownst to them, these parents give their children such convenience, but they have lost their valuable learning experience. At this time, careful parents will find that if adults interrupt the children's self-amusement activities for no reason, they will appear dazed and unaware of what to do, and will use crying to express their incomprehension and even anger. Careless parents, if they do not think about change, have been like this, will make children germinate the initial form of "reverse psychology". What children really need is precisely what is "deprived" by the adults kindly and gently. Children invisibly produce psychological shadows that do not agree with their parents. In the long run, it will cause children to suspect people and things in the outside world, forming two extremes, or the future personality will be paranoid, or the future personality will be cowardly.

As the old saying goes, children grow up with falls. Children fall a hundred times and enjoy the benefits of freedom of learning, which is far more than compensating for minor injuries suffered in falls. As long as it is not particularly dangerous, and the children suffer some minor injuries in the fall, parents can pretend not to see it. If the child cries because of this, the parent can completely pretend not to hear. The more they cry, the more their parents ignore him. The beautiful result of this is that the child will develop a good character of autonomy, self-reliance and self-improvement as soon as possible. Properly serving a good child is the premise of the healthy growth of the child; and excessive waiting for the child will often develop the habit of commanding people. Therefore, the parent should use practical activities to make the child truly understand that he is not anyone, including the master of the parents, can not command people at will; he can not command things, things are not subject to people.

Fourth, the dependence of young children becomes the control of adults, and when they grow up, they will become unreasonable commands

Parents are the child's dearest teachers. Some parents always think that they are the wisest, often not considering what their children can actually learn, but treating their children as adults and raising non-adult children in an adult way. These parents think that they are applying a complete set of things that are suitable for the current society to children who will become adults after 20 or 30 years, and they also call it scientific design of children's lives. As a result, when parents now manipulate children when they are young children, they will set an example by example, and children will learn to manipulate others without reason and force others to think and do things with their own will. When children grow up, they only identify with themselves, do not understand others, often have less tolerance, and may encounter walls everywhere for people, and then doubt themselves, thus losing themselves.

Fifth, the dependence of young children is only to blindly provide comfort, and when they grow up, they will become complaining.

Man's fate suffers all the time. Some parents always find ways to provide their children with the most comfortable living conditions as possible when they are young children, so that children can immerse themselves in their own gentleness. The idea of these parents is to keep their children from being tortured from an early age, like nurturing flowers in a greenhouse. This approach is precisely to replace the comfort of the child's early childhood with the accumulation of many disasters and dangers in the child's future. When a child encounters a little setback in the future, he will complain about others, transform the difficulties he encounters into the injustice of the environment and others to himself, and produce the idea that the world is negative to him. They will be self-centered, what is good for them is love for themselves, and what is not good for them is evil for themselves. As a result, when they think about problems and do things, they will have great paranoia, and even have a great destructive effect. The parents of these children often can't figure it out, the child is very well-behaved when he is young, but when he is older, he makes people particularly worried and heart-wrenching. In fact, when children are young children, parents should teach them to adapt to different living environments as much as possible in the adult process, sharpen their resilience and ability, learn to protect themselves in the twists and turns of fate, can withstand the blows of fate, and even painstakingly give them the opportunity to live the most meaningful life in a difficult environment.

Early childhood education should respect the natural process of children's growth, follow the laws of education, parents should get out of the misunderstanding of educating people, can not put the child's growth on the ideal state of their own growth, less adult control, more careful care, in the early childhood to the child to plant kindness, tolerance, autonomy, self-reliance, self-improvement.