Because of early trauma, some mothers have suppressed their ability to feel physical and emotional emotions, or they have not developed these abilities at all, and it is difficult for them to "see" their children's emotions

Because of early trauma, some mothers have inhibited their ability to feel physical and emotional feelings, or they have not developed these abilities at all, and it is difficult for them to "see" the child's emotions, emotions and desires, so they cannot "see" the child and mirror the child's inner good feelings. It is difficult for them to empathize with their children's feelings, so they will only tell their children whether things are done right or should not be done. If you find yourself a mom in this category, it is recommended that you put "awareness" first, that is, focus on finding feelings about the body and mind, and name it, experience it, until you are no longer so depressed and isolated. After self-growth through this method, it will be easier for you to actually "see" your child, rather than inferring your child's feelings through brain analysis.

Some mothers are unable to accept their children's identities, such as in a patriarchal culture, they do not accept their daughters. Therefore, the heart will reject the child, unwilling to understand the child's desires and needs, and even more unwilling to mirror the good feeling of "you are good", "you are valuable" or "you are worthy of being loved" to the child. The reason is that the mother does not accept her female identity, feels that the female identity is not good, so she cannot mirror the child. Such a situation has a certain universality. Because many women have gender complexes in their hearts, that is, conscious or subconscious desire to have boys, but some mothers are obvious, and some mothers are very subtle.

There are also cases where some mothers have been abused by their brothers when they were young, and then if they have sons, they will have difficulty accepting their sons, because they will project their hatred for their brothers onto their sons. There are also many women who are too much for their brothers, and these women will have identity dilemmas in terms of their gender identity.

Therefore, getting these mothers to accept their female identity is the core of this problem.

In fact, these parts of the mother's self-loathing or non-acceptance often come from the family culture and the values of the parents, which they internalize as a part of the self. Therefore, in parenting, they cannot accept these qualities in their children. To change this section, I suggest that moms consciously list the contents of self-loathing, self-acceptance, and self-limitation, and then consciously accept these contents. Only then can they better accept and see their children.

Finally, the child and the mother are interdependent, which means that while the mother influences the child, the child also affects the mother. Thus, relationships are shaped in a space of mutual subjectivity. If the mother is a good enough mother, the child will be more docile, amiable, and likable, and the relationship will be more harmonious. The mother herself is a mother who cannot let the child rest assured of attachment, and the child is also more likely to have a variety of difficult problems, such as impulsiveness, aggression, procrastination, etc., which often makes the mother fall into collapse and loss of control, and further punish or ignore the child, resulting in a vicious circle.