1. After my mother washed her clothes on the weekend, she said to me: "Son, let's go out for a big dinner!" "It's not easy to see my mother, tired in the morning, I happily agreed." The order was sumptuous

1. After my mother washed her clothes on the weekend, she said to me: "Son, let's go out for a big dinner!" "It's not easy to see my mother, tired in the morning, I happily agreed." The order was very sumptuous, and after eating I got up to pay the bill, and my mother pulled me aside and said, "I have money." I said, "Mom, have you won money playing cards?" The old mother said: "Where, just washed your clothes and turned over 500 yuan." ”

2, recently my wife's temper is uncertain, today I want to find something, I asked her: Have you ever been to Sichuan? The wife shook her head and said excitedly: What is there to eat? I said: Delicious I don't know, I just want to know where you learned your face-changing technique so skillfully? My wife immediately roared and kicked me almost out of bed...

3, recently opened a cram school downstairs, because I and the community property and the owner of the familiar relationship has helped her a lot. She also owes me a lot of affection, that day to give me A letter transfer I confiscated, invited me to dinner I did not go. Later, she coaxed my son to go down to make up classes for free, and his son's grades were improved, which was not bad. One night my son came home carrying a school bag issued by an educational institution, took out her other homework paper and said: Is there any more unlucky person in this world than me?

4, recently my sister-in-law is in a bad mood, I specially contacted a friend, spent more than 100,000 yuan to buy her a Hermès bag! My sister-in-law was particularly happy after receiving the bag and went directly to the kitchen to make me a big meal. I asked my niece who watched the cartoon: Little one, did you give your mother a gift? Niece: Yes, I gave my mom a gift with my dad, and my mom was very happy! Curiously, I asked: What gift was given? Niece: I turned over my dad's private money and handed it to my mom...

5, recently our company has a new front desk sister, and I can chat a lot, every day at noon dinner is also looking for me together. After a long time, colleagues began to talk behind their backs, and at noon today I couldn't help but ask her: Sister, you don't have any thoughts about me, brother, I'm married. As a result, the girl blushed, bowed her head and whispered: I don't hide from you anymore, I want to be with you every day mainly because you look too much like my deceased uncle. I just squirted out a mouthful of soup!

6, yesterday dinner, the mother on the side of the computer fight landlord, I tasted the next dish feel salty, I complained about an old lady you this dish fried salty Ha, she did not turn her head back said, salty you will wait to eat later, I am curious to wait for a while to eat is not salty? She said yes, time will dilute everything!。。。。。

7, resumed work, the building only opened 8, 9 two floors, we are 9 floors no men's toilet, had to go to the 8th floor, just went in to listen to a woman's voice: now people really have no quality, after the toilet does not flush! I was frightened and went into the women's toilet? Suddenly, a colleague came in and greeted: Old Nine, do you also go to the toilet yourself? I just wanted to say that this was a women's toilet, and I heard the woman scream: Mom, come in two men? What exactly is this toilet?

8, today do not go to work at home to rest, play games at home, I want my boyfriend to go downstairs to buy watermelon to eat. I asked my boyfriend: Do you know what I'm thinking? The boyfriend said without anger: I am not your roundworm, how can I know what you are thinking? I guess you didn't hold back any good farts anyway! Angry, I kicked off the sofa directly, and my boyfriend squinted and said: Look, I guessed correctly, right?

9, I remember when I was in high school, I was playing mobile phone games with a few buddies next to me and was caught by the principal. So the four of us were pulled down by the principal to stand at the door of the classroom, and suddenly the principal slapped me at the same table and said to make you laugh, and after a while, he slapped me again and said you were still laughing. At that time, my table mate wiped tears with grievances and said: I really didn't smile, just asked if my teeth were a bit dirty!

10, when I was in high school, I suddenly got into the habit of smoking, after being discovered by my father, my father calmly took a paper cup with half of the water as an ashtray to talk to my room, while talking about my heart while giving me a cigarette, I was happy, two hours after smoking seven or eight began to be serious, pointing to the paper cup and saying: Give Lao Tzu a drink, otherwise kill you little bunny cub. Endured the nausea to drink a little ah, really vomited a day. And then I haven't touched a cigarette again!

11. Today, my daughter ran over to me and asked: Is it true that my mother said that my daughter was my father's lover in my previous life? I said: Yes! You are Daddy's baby lover from the last life! Daughter: Liar, you are so ugly, how can I look at you in my previous life...

12, I have known my girlfriend for three years, and I have never been delicate in front of me, let alone seen her raise a wine glass. Last night, her three cousins came to see her at my house, during the meal, one by one poured me wine, seeing that I could not support it, my girlfriend was anxious, rolled up her sleeves and poured a glass of liquor and began to help me block the wine. Later, I directly drank my fiercest second cousin to the bottom of the bed and did not come out, looking at my girlfriend who was still awake, how did I suddenly feel cold in my back?

13, my mother-in-law ate breakfast at my house, she first filled a bowl of knotty soup, ate a few bites and said it was too oily, and handed it to my daughter-in-law to eat. I went to serve millet porridge again, ate half of it and didn't want to eat it, looked at my daughter-in-law, and looked at me, probably to estimate the amount of food we both had,,,, and finally my mother-in-law decided to say to me: This half bowl for you to eat, don't be dirty, I didn't touch ,,,, can I believe this?

14, today accidentally broke the necklace that my boyfriend sent me, I took it to the small shop to repair, the owner of the shop touched my necklace and said: "More than a dozen dollars of decorations, there is no need to repair." "I threw the trash can when I went out in a huff, and when I got home, I had a big fight with my boyfriend, who took the necklace invoice and pulled me to the trash can to find it, and saw that the lady of the small shop was wearing my necklace around her neck...