Intensive reading of mothers: let children learn to ask for help, recognize their shortcomings, and learn the long board of others, which is a life experience and a wisdom for growth.
Author:Yiming (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
"Auntie, I'm under too much pressure and want to jump off the building."
In Ordos, a 10-year-old boy dialed 110 with a slight cry.
"Don't worry, tell me what difficulties and problems there are, I will definitely help you..." The receiving officer aunt patiently comforted the little boy.
It turned out that the little boy often lost his temper with his mother and occasionally criticized and scolded him, which for a long time led to excessive mental pressure and the idea of taking his own life.
While calming the boy's emotions, the police officer guides him to say key information such as identity information and family location.
After confirming the boy's location, the receiving officer led his colleagues to rescue the boy.
In this way, the boy asked for help by telephone and saved his precious life.
What happens if he doesn't choose to turn to others? I can't believe it!
Psychologist Luis Cozzolino said: "A child's survival competitiveness depends not on how many things he can do on his own, but on how many people he can get help." ”
Many parents require their children to be independent and cannot cause trouble to others, but after all, the child has little life experience, many things he does not understand, does not understand, and needs to seek help from adults.
Therefore, knowing how to ask for help and being good at asking for help is the magic weapon on the road of children's lives.
And the greatest luck of a family is to raise a child who knows how to ask for help.
Not asking for help is a roadblock on the road of children's lives
Not long ago, in Changsha, Hunan Province, the news of an 8-year-old boy's disappearance circulated on the Internet.
According to online chat records, "the child never went to school", and eventually the little boy was found in the school toilet.
According to the police at the police station, the boy was indeed found, because he did not bring paper to the toilet and squatted for half a day.
Seeing this, it is really angry and painful, because of shyness and embarrassment, the little boy would rather "suffer" himself than open his mouth to ask for help.
Children do not know how to ask for help, which will make things more troublesome and even life-threatening.
I've seen a heart-wrenching message.
A 15-year-old teenager in Nantong, Jiangsu Province, was beaten to death by a group because he offended two bad teenagers because of the persuasion.
The child's mother said that her son was very well-behaved and never told himself that he had a conflict with anyone.
Later, through the child's chat records, it was found that the teenager had a long-term grudge with two socially undesirable teenagers.
This child is bullied, blackmailed, blackmailed, and how much fear, anxiety, helplessness is involved...
But instead of asking for help, he chose to be silent, and as a result, a life as young as a flower was destroyed alive by a group of little bastards.
Looking at the scarred children on the screen, as a mother I feel a heart-wrenching pain.
"The Melting Pot" says: You can't imagine how dark the world is in places you can't see.
Life is dangerous, as a parent, in addition to teaching children to solve problems independently, we must also teach children how to seek help from the outside world.
As "Jobs" said: The reason most people lack life experience is that they never ask for help.
Children who know how to ask for help have more hope in life
After watching a shocking video, the ending is very heartwarming.
After a little girl in Zhengzhou got on the bus, she did not go directly backwards, but stared at the driver tightly and said, "I am afraid." ”
It turned out that the girl found herself being followed by a man.
In a panic, she even threw away her school bag, and when the girl got into the car, the man followed her.
The girl was so frightened that she kept crying, and the driver master, while comforting, told the girl: "Stand at the terminal station and call the police."
After arriving at the terminal, the driver's uncle entrusted the girl to the cake shop owner he knew, and asked the shopkeeper to accompany the girl to wait for the police to arrive.
Eventually, the police sent the girl home safely.
When a child encounters difficulties that he cannot solve, he needs to turn to others and learn to ask for help, which is also an important survival ability of a child.
American psychologist Schweider and his peers have conducted research on whether teenagers will turn to others for help.
They found 184 teens and tracked them for 12 years. Ask them this question when they're 13, 18, and 21 to see how mature and independent they are around 25.
It turned out that teenagers who were willing to ask for help were actually more capable of living independently in the future;
They are more independent and mature in judgment, and know how to use resources to assist in the problems encountered, and are more able to make responsible decisions.
Therefore, the child learns to ask for help, and parents can be more assured to let go of the child, so that he can learn to face the complex and changeable growth environment in the future independently.
The famous Austrian writer Zweig said:
It is difficult for a person's strength to cope with the boundless suffering in life, so he needs the help of others.
The art industry has a specialty, ask for help from others, in order to learn from others, in order to make greater progress, children with this ability can walk more steadily on the road of wind and rain.
How to let children learn to ask for help
1. Through role-playing games
My cousin's son, Qiang Qiang, is a well-behaved child, and in the first grade of elementary school, he has a problem, that is, he never dares to ask questions to the teacher.
Not only that, Qiang Qiang doesn't like to communicate with others, and he always holds back when there is something.
I told my cousin that I could change kids by playing role-playing games at home.
For example, parents can play the role of doctor, restaurant waiter, teacher, etc. to have the following conversations with their children:
"Doctor, my stomach is not feeling well, can you help me see?"
"Waiter brother/sister, can you please help me get a plate?"
"Teacher, what do you mean by this sentence?"
After a period of exercise, strong expression and courage are much stronger.
Now you can go to the small supermarket alone to buy something.
Parents use "role play" to guide their children, which can gradually help children improve their social skills, and more importantly, children can experience the very specific and effective help of parents.
2. Allow children to rely appropriately on their parents
I read a little story online.
A little boy was playing with his father in the garden, and the little boy tried to move away a large stone, and he moved it vigorously, but the stone did not move.
His father told him, "You haven't done your best yet!" ”
The little boy sweated profusely and said, "I've done my best!" ”
Father said, "I am here, but you have not asked for my help, and I am also your strength, so I say that you have not done your best." ”
Parents are not omnipotent, especially as young children.
Children's dependence on their parents is innate, and excessive dependence and alienation from their parents will affect the healthy development of children's physical and mental health and parent-child relationship.
The book Relationship: Moderate Dependence Brings Us Closer makes the point that learning to rely moderately can make you stronger.
Children are moderately dependent on their parents so that they can live in harmony with the world.
3. Tell your child to be polite when asking for help
Some time ago, there was a boy who waited for a long time after school and did not see his father come to pick him up, so he had to seek help from adults.
He came to the door of a barber shop and saw the owner, and he asked very politely, Uncle, can you take me home?
As the boy spoke, he nervously squeezed the corners of his clothes with his hands.
After the owner asked the reason, he resolutely closed the store and braved the rain to send the child home.
I have to say that the supermarket owner is very kind and lends a helping hand to strange children, and the boy is also very polite, which makes people can't bear to refuse.
The more politely the child asks for help, the more the other person can feel the respect the child has for him, so that others are more willing to help the child.
The famous Austrian writer Zweig said:
"It is difficult for a person's strength to cope with the boundless suffering in life, so he needs the help of others, and he must help others."
Parents cannot protect their children all the time, nor can they let their children blindly struggle and stumble in their own small world.
Let children learn to ask for help, recognize their shortcomings, and learn the long board of others, which is a life experience and a wisdom for growth.
A child who will ask for help and is good at asking for help will certainly have many ups and downs in the future, and his life will become more and more excellent and more wonderful.
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